Beautiful nightmare

Sana Maulit Muli

I know I can treat you better. Says the note left on the flowers she received this morning. Lea asked her secretary to whom they came from but she too, has no idea.

She smiled and texted Rob. S'ya lang naman ang lagging gumagawa ng ganito para sa kanya. The smile remained on her lips the whole day. During her office hours, a pizza delivery came with some notes attached.

You need someone willing to give his heart and soul to you.. promise you forever..

Her forehead creased. These are lyrics to a song for goodbye. Why would Rob send her such message? She opened the box and found another note.

No, I don't want to leave you. I won't leave you. He's not the one you needed. Tell him goodbye.

She shook her head, sighed and whispered, "I already did, Rob, a really long time ago."

---

"Dad, good night." TJ kissed her dad good night and went to her room. Same old routine every single dady. And as for me, another cold night.

Thirteen years. Thirteen miserable years. Oo, pinili nga ako ni Aga, pinili nga n'ya kami ng anak ko pero bakit sa bawat gabi na nasa tabi ko s'ya pakiramdam ko, ang lahat ng ito, ipinilit sa kanya? Para bang lahat ng nangyari pagtapos umalis ni Lea ay sumpa. It felt like a curse to have that one person I deserve – my husband.

I heard him enter the room and change his clothes. I felt him settle beside me and started to tap the keys of his laptop. Another office work chose over me, I guess?

I know what all of you think of me now, a crazy for getting jealous even with his work. No, I am not jealous of his work. I'm hurt. I sighed and felt the pain in my chest. Thirteen long years of pain and misery.

Hindi naman ako nagseselos sa trabaho n'ya, hindi naman sumasama ang loob kasi busy s'ya: nasasaktan lang naman ako kapag lalo n'yang ipinaparamdam sa akin na napipilitan lang s'ya.

I could still remember those days when it was me and him contented with just holding each other's hands, now he can't even stand sitting beside me for hours.

I could still feel his soft lips on my forehead aiming to make me feel secure but now, he can't even wrap his arms around me for a simple hug.

Those sweet, short messages, random I love you and I miss you's from him. They are all gone. Now he can't even look me in the eyes.

"Ags?" no response. "Hon?" he still didn't respond so I turn my back to face him. He's already sleeping. I sat up, closed his laptop and placed it on the bedside table.

In this California king bed, we're ten thousand miles apart...

It was her phone ringing. She wasn't fond of songs set as alert tones but this one song hit her big time. It was like a big meteor on earth. It makes an impact, it creates a crater.

She picked her phone up before the lyric tear her apart. She sat at the edge of their bed and upon hearing the voice on the other line, her world seemed to stop.

"And so she's really back. Kaya pala."

----

"Hey, mom. What's that?" I smiled at my beautiful daughter. She sat beside me and started eating the pasta on my plate. "Ano nga yan, mom."

"You should start distributing this." I showed her the invitation I made for her birthday two weeks from now and just like how I expected it, she frowned.

"Mom naman. You know that I don't have a lot of friends. You don't need to throw a party for me." Her face is still crumpled while eating and so I pinched her cheeks to which she winced.

"Invite that Trent kid. I want to meet my future son-in-law." There's the blushing. I smiled.

"Mom talaga! We're just best friends!" my smile suddenly faded with the mention of best friend. They were just 'best friends'. At least that's what they told me.

"He's so kind mom but you should stop linking the both of us kasi impossible. Tsaka may iba akong crush." I looked at my daughter and saw exactly the same reaction like I once had when I talk about Aga before – dreamy.

"Careful." I uttered all of a sudden. "You might fall and get hurt or you will be hurting someone else." My daughter looked at me intently but shrugged it off and showed me a paper. She smiled widely. "I saw this kanina. Love letter ata mom. Basahin ko ah."

"A love letter?" she nodded and started reading the letter out loud. (And since the heart-wrecking letter went viral and still is, lemme do this.)

I could have chosen you a long time ago. I always do. I always choose you, but you let me go. Ayokong bitawan ka pero pinalaya mo ako. And now you got away. But I want to do something to have you back. I want you to be the one, the real one and not the one that got away.

You were my Sana Maulit Muli in this world full of I love you goodbye. You told me to let go but if you're not the one, then why can't I find the words to say goodbye? Minahal at minamahal kita. At wala na siguro akong mamahaling higit pa.

Hindi moa lam kung gaano ko ginustong sundan ko noong umalis ka pero hindi ba, kapag mahal mo, gagawin mo lahat ng gusto nila, even if it means letting them leave? But that doesn't mean letting you go. Hinayaan lang kitang lumayo pero hindi tumigil na tumibok yung puso ko para sa'yo. Umalis ka man pero dinala mo yung puso ko kasama mo.

But still you're gone now. I love you but perhaps maybe because you got away. Sana.. sana maulit pa natin muli. Sana maulit muli...

Minamahal kita... I love you still... Sana maulit muli..

I could hear Aga's voice reading this. I could hear his voice shaking, cracking because this one's for Lea. Damn, the letter's for Lea and he chose her. He always does and always would.

"Hala, ang sakit naman neto." I forced a smile. Kapag nalaman mo kaya anak yung nararamdaman ko, sa tingin mo, anong mas masakit?

Afternoon came and Lauren is ready to go. "Mom? Akala ko ba ditto ka lang sa bahay buong araw?"

"I just need to see someone." She smiled and went out. She breathe out and prepared herself. "Now or never, Lauren. Now or never."

She's now in front of this building again after so many years. This is where she first lowered her pride and beg for something that is supposed to be hers only.

"I can do this." She whispered and took another deep breathe. She pushed the button of the elevator going up and looked at her reflection. "Kaya mo yan." After a few minutes, the door opened surprising both Lauren and the same person she is looking for.

"Lauren.." Lauren kept a brave face and stood firmly.

"So, you're really back. We need to talk, Lea."

xxx

At dahil sa tindi ng mga kaganapan, here's two updates. Sabaw pero at least meron? lol. I cut my finger instead of the carrots because TOTGA played while I'm cooking. lol mesheket parang yung letter. Anyways, enjoy!