S T U D Y [Hamilton AU] (LAMS)

17

alex

Charles was lying next to me, panting basically. I was about the same, breathing hard under the sheets, still surprised at what I'd just done. Charles took a deep breath. "That was... Wow. I mean... Wow," he said. I laughed a little, laying on my side so I could run my finger across his torso.

"Um, I should, uh, go," I said. I started to get up and grab my clothing. I slipped my underwear and t-shirt on, still looking around for my pants.

"Wait. Tell me something," he said, tugging my wrist. "What changed between last night and today? Last night you were shoving me off you and today you were straddling me."

"John and I... We got into a huge fight, over last night and I-"

"Because I was hitting on you?"

"I guess. I don't really remember anything from last night, and it really upset him. He started calling me stuff and I punched him and told him to leave. And then I just... really wanted to make out with you, I guess. I don't know."

"Well I'm not going to complain about you wanting to make out with me," he chuckled. "Did John ever say anything about me?"

"He would just say how much he hated you. Told me not to talk to you, so I guess he'd be pretty upset seeing we just... you know."

"Did he ever say why?"

"No, I don't think so."

"Yeah, I think you should go," he said.

"But I-"

"It'd be better on John if you didn't stay here."

"Fuck John, he's the reason I am here. I don't care what's better for him. I-"

"I've slept with him," he said.

"What?"

"He was like a friend with benefits. I'd call him up or vice versa and we'd sleep together. I can't believe he didn't tell you."

"I...uh... should go. I'm sorry. That was amazing, honestly, it was. But I should-" Charles grabbed me and kissed me. "Well, maybe...I could call you, if you're up for another round," I said softly. I didn't feel bad for John, and Charles made me feel absolutely incredible. I didn't regret doing what I was going or what I was getting myself into.

I pulled my pants up, and kissed him one of my time before I left. I headed up the stairs and unlocked the dorm door. John was passed out, which was weird, considering it was about 4 in the afternoon. I didn't say anything to him. I just pretended like he wasn't there. After a while of being on my computer, there was a knock on the door, and that jolted John awake for whatever reason.

"Alex?" he said. I just ignored him and opened the door. It was Lee.

"Hey, you left your-" I don't know what came over me, but I turned and made eye contact with John for just a second before grabbing Lee's shoulders and pulling him down so I could kiss him. His hands went down to my lower back. I pulled away and took my shoes from his hands.

"Thanks," I said. "See you around." He winked at me and left.

"What the fuck?" John said loudly.

"I'm sorry, do you have a problem, Mr. Laurens?" I said.

"Quit your shit, Alex. Why were you kissing him?"

"Are you jealous? Because you used to date me, or because you used to fuck him?" I spat.

"What're you talking about?"

"Quit your shit, John."

"You don't know what you're getting yourself into."

"Frankly, I don't care."

"Alexand-"

"No. I don't have to listen to you anymore. You lost that right when you called me 'spic'! Got it?"

"I didn't-"

"Didn't what? Didn't mean it? Oh okay, then I'll just make out with you right now. I don't care if you meant it or not, John. You said it! You looked me in the eye and you said it. You called 'spic'. 'River-crosser'. 'Sortirican'. It doesn't matter what you meant!"

"I-"

"Am done with your shit!"

"Please just-"

"You don't get it. You don't fucking understand. And I would expect you to. You're fucking redneck royalty. You don't understand what it's like. You think you can say whatever you want, say you're sorry, and what? Get your gold sticker of the day?" I shouted. I shoved him.

"Okay, fine. You're right. I shouldn't have said what I said. I shouldn't have hit you or anything like that. Okay? Everything that I did. I'm sorry. I was just so mad because of what Lee and I used to have, and I just-"

"Stop it! All your 'sorry's aren't going to change anything. Okay? Sorry doesn't fix shattered glass. You have to prove that you're sorry. You can't just say it and we kiss and move on."

"I am sorry, Alexander. But it doesn't look like it matters, seeing as you've already moved on."

My face went red. "That's not important," I said.

"Not important? Are you fucking serious?"

"What does it matter if I'm with Charles. You two were just-"

"Boyfriends. He didn't tell you that, did he. He just said we were fuck-buddies, friends with benefits. Did he tell you how he broke my heart? How I told him how I felt when we were half naked on his bed, and he kicked me out? Did he tell you that!?"

"N-No..." I felt like an idiot.

"I figured. He's playing you Alexander, and you're falling for every bit of it. But you don't care. You're just trying to get back at me. That's a dick move, Alex!" John was crying, and it was then I noticed how swollen his eye was. Did I hit him that hard? Did I do that to him.

"Yeah, yeah. It was. It really was a dick move. But I don't regret it. And do you know why? Why I don't regret it? Why I did it?" I said. My voice was cracking and I could feel tears starting to fall.

"Enlighten me," he spat.

"Because I love you!"