S T U D Y [Hamilton AU] (LAMS)

19

john

"I want you." He kissed me.

"Y-You, you want me?"

"I want to be with you, John. I know that's what I want." He pressed his nose to mine. "I love you."

I felt the words in my throat, but they wouldn't come out. It made me cry, the fact that I was unable to tell him how I felt.

"John? Are you okay?" he asked.

"I...uh... I l...l-l...I-"

"It's okay," he interrupted. You've been through a lot. I wouldn't expect you to be so casual.

"I'm sorry, Alexander," I said.

"It's okay. Why don't we go back to the dorms? It's kinda chilly."

"Yeah, uh, sorry, I didn't mean to keep you out here, I just..."

"Where were you going to go?"

"The bar..."

"John..."

"Yeah, I know. But-But it's okay now, because I'm not."

"John..."

"Let's go inside."

"No."

"No?"

"Let's go for a walk."

"But you said-"

"Then I guess, we'll just have to walk very close together."

"Yeah," I chuckled, "I guess so."

So we walked, Alex was wearing my hoodie and wrapped himself around my arm. "I know it's only been a couple days, but I missed this."

"Me too."

We walked for a while in silence. But it wasn't awkward. It was just what we needed. "I love you," I whispered. It just came out, and I wasn't even thinking when I said it.

"Wh-What?" Alex said, flustered.

"I-I-I...uh... I love you."

He smiled and giggled a bit. "I love you too." I smiled widely.

"This was nice. But maybe we should get back before we get locked out. Charles is going to be really upset."

"I know. But...To tell you the truth, I really do regret sleeping with him. I told you I didn't because I thought, maybe, you just wouldn't want me anymore. I don't know," he said.

"Alex, we've both had a rough couple of days. Maybe we shouldn't start dating so soon. Maybe, we just need to time to calm down, recollect. Time to just be friends and rebuild from there."

"Yeah I guess you're right. I just...I-"

"I know. I can still stay with Burr, so we can focus more on just being friends. If-If you want."

"I'll leave that up to you," he said, opening the door for me.

"Maybe not, you know...So we can talk stuff out," I stammered.

"Okay," he smiled. "You should, uh, I can... I have a first aid kit to help with all that," he said, gesturing to my face.

"If you have pain killers, that would be really helpful too."

"Of course."

"Thanks."

So we went back upstairs and Alex tossed me his bottle of Advil as he dug through his drawer for a first aid kit. When he finally found it, he sat next to me. He took out the alcohol pads and dabbed it against the scratches and cuts on my face. "You're eye is looking a little better, maybe you should go to a doctor," he suggested.

"It's fine, it'll heal on it's - ow! - own," I said. The pad was starting to sting in the open cuts.

"Sorry." He continued and then pulled out some bandaids, and stuck them accordingly. "I have some gauze if you want to wrap it, or maybe an ice pack might be better, I can try and-"

"It's okay Alex. I'll be fine. Be honest though, how bad is it."

"Well, it's not kinda purple, but more like an undertone. And it's just on the corner, so I guess it's not too bad. Just be careful, don't get into anymore fights or run into anything."

"No promises," I teased, lightheartedly. He laughed lightly.

"Try not to be too clumsy, then," he said. We fell into a silence when I found myself asking,

"Shouldn't you go check on Charles?"

"He, uh, he's a big boy, he can handle himself. Besides, I don't think he'd want my help anyway."

"Sorry...for asking," I said.

He shrugged. "I think," he yawned, "we should get some sleep. You more importantly. It might help, and it'll give the pain killers a chance to kick in." He started to lean in, but then stopped himself. "Friends, right. Goodnight John," he said, standing up.

"Night Alex," I replied. He turned the light off and I fell asleep almost immediately.

-

I woke up with a pain surging through the right side of my face. I grabbed my cheek in a desperate effort to stop the pain, but of course, it didn't work. I turned on the lamp and rummaged through the drawers for something to keep the pain away.

All the noise must have woken Alex up. "Hey, are you okay?" he asked. His voice was deeper than usual.

"Uh, yeah. I just, um, my face hurts. I was looking for your medication."

"Oh, they're in the first drawer, in a white box."

"Thanks."

He came over to me and wrapped himself lazily around my arm. "I can't do this friend shit," he mumbled.

"Alexander," I started.

"I'm serious. I want to be with you. Being with you made me feel nothing I've ever felt before."

"Alex, it's 2 am, we don't have to talk about this right now."

"Just hear me out, okay?"

"Alex..."

"We can start over. Third time's the charm right?" he chuckled tiredly.

"Get some sleep. We can talk about this in the morning, okay?"

"But John, it is the morning." He kissed my cheek. I took some pills and turned around to face him.

"Sleep, please."

"Okay, okay. Can I sleep next to you?"

"Friends."

"Think of it like a sleepover."

"Alexander..."

"Okay, fine. Feel better, okay?"

-

I woke up around 10 am. Alex was typing away at his computer.

"You're going to mess up your posture," I teased.

"I think I'll be fine. Besides, nothing else about me is straight."

I laughed a little. "So um, do you want to talk about last night now, or..."

"Now is fine," he said, closing his computer.

"So..." I started awkwardly.

"I know I was tired, and probably half-asleep, but I was serious when I said I couldn't do this friend shit. I know I really messed up and I don't really deserve this chance, but I'm practically begging for it. I'd do anything to get you back. Third time's the charm, right?"

"I guess you're right. Why don't we just start over then? Like we did the second time around, if you know, there's a lucky number."

"Yeah."

"Okay then. Hi, I'm John Laurens." I stuck out my hand, making him laugh.

He composed himself. "Nice to meet you, I'm Alexander Hamilton."