S T U D Y [Hamilton AU] (LAMS)

18

john

"Because I love you!" Alex said. We were both crying, but silently, and refusing to acknowledge it. My stomach turned at the words. I felt like my heart was about to burst out of my chest.

"You..."

"I love you. I do. But after what you said to me, I figured, maybe you don't feel the same and maybe I should just move on. I wanted to be with you. I-"

"Wanted? Do you... Do you not want that anymore?" I said softly.

"I don't know what I want," he replied.

"Alex, I...I want you. I don't want to lose you. But...But I think I did when I...Y'know. Say you want me."

"I don't know," he said softly, almost whispering, "I-I don't know what I want. I'm sorry." He started to softly hiccup in his sobs. This was all my fault. I had to let my temper get the best of me. I had to let myself get angry. And it cost me the best thing I'd ever had.

"I'm so sorry," I said.

"Maybe... Maybe staying in the same room isn't a good idea, at least, not until we get everything sorted out."

"Okay. That's fine. But let me stay with Aaron or Hercules and Laf. Just... Please, don't stay with Charles. Please."

"John, I-"

"Alexander. I am begging you to stay away from him," I said.

"Okay."

"Thank you."

"John," he started quietly.

"Yeah?"

"How did Charles break your heart?"

"That's not...It doesn't matter, anymore."

"But-"

"It doesn't matter!" I snapped. I sighed. "I should go. I'll be staying with Burr. I'll see you around Alexander."

"Yeah... Okay... See you around, John." I grabbed a pillow and left.

I saw Charles as I was walking to Burr's dorm. I tried my best to ignore him, but I was already agitated and he's a dick so, as hard as I tried, I couldn't ignore him. "Hey Laurens, got something to say?" he said.

I punched him. I punched him square in the jaw. I'm sure it hurt him, because it sent a wave of pain throughout my arm. But I pretended like nothing hurt.

"You're already bruised, I don't want to hurt you," he smirked, rubbing his jaw.

"Don't test me Lee," I snapped.

"Fuck off," he scoffed.

"Fuck you."

"Your boyfriend already did. Or more, I fucked him." I punched him again, making direct contact with his nose. It quickly started to bleed. "You're going to regret that," he spat.

"The only thing I regret is believing that I could be in love with douchebag like you," I replied, giving him a harsh shove. He tackled me. We were wrestling in the hall. Throwing punches. My eye was hurting, giving me a headache. His nose was bleeding, dripping onto my shirt, and I knew mine would start bleeding too.

"Hey, hey! Stop it!" someone shouted. But we didn't.

"John, quit it!" someone else said.

Before we knew it, we were being pried apart by Alexander and Aaron. Alex went straight for Lee, and Aaron helped me up.

Charles and Alex had their own conversation, and I didn't hear what they were saying, but Alex looked sad, and Charles just gave him a slight push. Alex's face brightened up and they started to laugh. He was wiping the blood off his face. He kissed him. I felt my heart drop.

"John, what were you thinking?" Aaron said.

"I was trying to stop that," I said, pointing at them. "But it's too late now. I'll be at a bar," I said, wiping my face and storming out.

alex

"Hey, hey! Stop it!" I shouted.

"John, quit it!" Aaron said.

Aaron and I heard the noise, coming down the staircase. We ran and saw Charles and John throwing punches on the ground. I pulled Charles off and took him to the opposite side of then foyer. Aaron took care of John.

"Charles, what the hell is wrong with you?" I said.

"Hey, he started it."

"Charles..."

"I'm sorry, baby."

"Did he actually start it?"

"No, but he did swing the first punch."

"Why didn't you tell me you two used to date?"

"I... I thought that if I told you, you'd leave. So I didn't." I looked down at my shoes. He nudged me. "Hey, don't look so down Hamilton. How about we go see a movie?" I laughed. "What's so funny?" he teased.

"You're bleeding and swollen, and you want to go out like that," I said. I wiped away the dried blood with my sleeve. He smiled and put a hand on my cheek before leaning down to kiss me. I pulled back and saw John leaving, looking upset. "I...I need to go."

"Babe-"

"We're not dating Charles. I'm sorry. I want to be with someone else," I said. I turned on my heel and ran out after John. "John! Hey! Wait up!" I ran up to him.

"What do you want?" he said coldly.

"I saw you leave, I wanted to make sure you were okay."

"I'm fine. Go back to your boyfriend."

"He's not-"

"I don't need your pity, Alexander." He turned around and kept walking.

"I know the fight wasn't your fault. And I know how Charles broke your heart." He stopped and turned around. "You told him you loved him, didn't you?"

He was quiet for a bit, before squeaking out a soft 'yeah'.

"So what happened? In the hall."

"He brought up how you two...y'know. And I just got really jealous. I'm sorry. I know I've got a temper, but thinking about you and him, I don't know. It did something to me. Because I don't want you to get hurt like I did. Look, I'm really sorry about all of this. If it wasn't for me, and my stupid doubts, none of this would have happened. I'm sorry Alexander. I...I should go. I'll see you around." He gave me a soft wave and turned on his heel to leave.

I caught his arm. "Wait. John...I...You...uh...You can't go out looking like that."

"Like what?"

"With the blood all over your face."

"I can take it off later."

"No, let me, um, help you." I took my sleeve and started to wipe his face, tears and blood alike. I let the sleeve slip off my hand as I cupped his cheek, rubbing my thumb against his face.

"Alexander," he whispered.

"I love you, John," I said, pulling him down into a kiss. "I know what I want now."

"And, what do you want..." he said, putting his hand under my chin.

"I want you." And we kissed.