truth or dare // phan au

seventy-seven

[after the graduation ceremony]

"we don't have to go to that after party if you don't want to, i don't want you to do anything that makes you uncomfortable." pj reminds me softly.
we're sitting on a bench by the front doors of our high school, there's a group of cheering and probably high teens a few yards away. it's a little bit chilly, so he puts his arm around me. it's nice. i'm happy.
"no, no, i know you want to go. you go. i'll just, drive myself home," i safely reassure him, making sure not disrupt the mutual happiness we seem to be sharing.
"dan, i don't think you're really... in a good state to drive. you've been acting kind of..." he seems to be searching for the right word, but instead, the sentence trails off into nothingness.
"i'm fine! i'm okay! I'm sick of you treating me like i'm some helpless creature who needs constant protection! I can take care of my fucking self. you're not my mother."
i throw his arm off of me. he ruined it. he ruined everything.
"you're right, dan. i'm not your mother, i'm your fucking boyfriend. and you know what? i feel like i'm not even that sometimes. grow up, dan."
"what is that supposed to mean?" i'm confused, i squint at him, "peej?"
he doesn't say anything for a minute, but it feels like a million years.
pj stands up, he says "th- nothing. nothing. i'm, uh, i'm just, gonna go get a ride from chris, ok? i'll uh, call you later."
i can tell from his tone that he will not be calling me later.
i watch as he trudges across the grass towards the crowd of people shouting and laughing. he side-hugs a few people and fist bumps chris. i see their mouths moving in conversation, i wonder what they're saying.
i don't realize that i'm crying until its too late. why did he have to ruin it? why did i let him ruin it? i was so happy. we were so happy!
why can't i be happy?
i just want to be happy again.
i pat my eyes with my sleeves.
grow up, dan.
i pull out my phone and call my mom. pj is right. there's no way i can drive myself home.

a/n: i don't really like how i wrote this but oh well 🤷‍♀️