The trip to Nashville (Keith Urban)

Kinda maternal

Keith finished reading the letter and asked me why I asked him to stop reading

I told him, "I was feeling every word and felt very sad and upset Because i was traveling back to the memory of writing that"

"Oh so this is very emotional for you?"

I replied, "yes"

"Do you still feel like this? You know where everyone is taking there lives for granted?"

I sighed, "yes my life is so much shorter I will probably only live till your age... sometimes I feel that I'm not using my time the right way like I should be doing something that will leave a mark but I don't know how
My condition makes me miss out on so much life has to offer

Like having a child....or having sex.... or running or anything physical I could never do what you do on stage not even once in my life

"But you have sex toys? do you not play with them or something?"

I sighed, "no.. well, it's complicated I can have sex but basically so slowly it's hardly any fun at all because if I go fast it will raise my heart beat"

Oh man I can't imagine that

I chuckled and said, "yah well that's not the worst part.....most guys don't want a sexless life so the few guys Iv dated broke up with me because of it and it has really shone me what the world is really like sometimes it's a blessing to see the world without my eyes being clouded but most of the time it's a burden because I don't fell happy BUT! That has changed because Iv met you!

And I feel like you have given me my dream of having children only there yours not mine but I feel like there mine in a way...... THAT CAME OUT WRONG!!!!! There your children I just feel like a mom kinda.... GOSH WHY CANT I GET WHAT I WANT TO SAY TO YOU OUT WITHOUT IT SOUNDING WEIRD!!!!

I suddenly Hurd laughing and he said, "what your trying to say is that you feel very maternal towards Sunday and Fifi....and that Sunday and Fifi are like the children you could never have....."

I sighed relieved that he understood what I was trying to say, "YES! thank you THAT! THAT'S exactly what I'm trying to say!

He smiled and said, "Well that's exactly what we were trying to find someone who bonds with them as a frend but feels kinda maternal and is capable of parenting in a responsible way without trying to take our place as parents"