the boyfriend app [l.h au] // discontinued

GUESS WHO IT IS

hello friends

ok so GUESS WHO IT IS!!!

YE!!

ME!!

JAY!!!! I'M ALIVE!!!!!

ok so that aside i'm not gonna lie it's like nighttime & i'm actually crying my ass off right now bc i didn't get into my school's publication

i passed the exam but i failed the interview & an irl who knows me may or may not read this but idk man i just dk where to express how i feel & shit & idk

i honestly didn't expect it to hurt as much as it does now

i think a lot of you guys have experienced it and i think ya'll understand that feeling of not being good enough

ngl my self esteem/confidence in my writing has gone from somewhere around 70% to 0.6% and i know it's really petty of me to say that but i am the most insecure person about my writing

that seemed sort of awkward since i have a story published here on wattpad but if an irl asks to read what i write i never show them at all because i feel like my writing shows a huge part of who i am and i'm uncomfortable with showing something so personal to someone i don't know

the fact that i swallowed my fears and insecurities to join something i'm passionate about only to fail is actually really disheartening but i know this ain't the end for me and if any of you ever go through this just know that if it's about your passion, you WILL cry and that's okay, but there will be so much more opportunities in the future & it's definitely not the end of the world :-)

a bit hypocrital of me to say that when i'm here, a crying mess in my room while my heart is breaking because of something so stupid

one day i'm gonna write the best book ever and i'm going to sell millions of copies worldwide & i'll show 'em who's at loss here!!!! jk

ANYWAYYYYY.

WHAT DO U GUYS THINK ABT ME CONTINUING THIS STORY?

JUST REALLY CURIOUS — ARE YA'LL ALIVE? DOES ANYONE STILL READ THIS/HAVE THIS IN THEIR LIBRARY?

I LOVE YOU GUYS. ONE OF THE REASONS WHY I'M NOT AS NEGATIVE AS I EXPECTED MYSELF TO BE IS BECAUSE OF YOU GUYS AND THE THINGS I READ ON MY WALL.

YOU GUYS MAKE ME FEEL LIKE MY WRITING MEANS SOMETHING TO SOMEONE. I LOVE YOU GUYS MORE THAN ANYTHING IN THIS WORLD.

JUST WANTED TO SHARE HOW MUCH YOU, AS A READER OF SOMETHING I AM SO INSECURE ABOUT, HAS MADE AN IMPACT ON MY LIFE AND MY SELF ESTEEM.

it may not mean as much to you, but to me, this means the world. the fact that people have read and actually like what i write has been something that keeps me smiling everyday.

i love you guys. i'm begging yall to plEASE PLEASE DM ME ON TWITTER @kookjungs OR FACEBOOK Janel Illon (SEND ME A MESSAGE FIRST THO AND TELL ME UR FRM WATTPAD & ILL ACCEPT RIGHT AWAY) AND BE MY FRIEND GOOD LORD I WANT TO BE YOUR FRIEND I'M ON MY KNEES.

SHOULD I CONTINUE THIS OR NAH? I'VE BEEN THINKING ABT THIS FOR THE PAST FEW MONTHS BUT I NEVER REALLY GOT AROUND TO POSTING THIS

I LOVE YOU GUYS. you're all beautiful inside & out & I HECKA MISS U ALL

$$$,

jay, the not-so-happy girl but still-rlly-optimistic-af girl ):)