AN: I'M SORRY I PROMISE TO WRITE SOMETHING HAPPY SOON. Just so you guys all know, you might need some tissues for this one.
Jack couldn't even get through the funeral. He knew the guests all probably thought he was a jerk for walking out of his own wife's funeral, but he didn't care. He just couldn't sit there anymore, listening to everyone go on and on about how 'Katherine had so much potential' and 'Katherine is so much happier now'. And maybe she was happier now, Jack didn't really know, but he didn't want to hear anymore of it. Because he wasn't happy. In fact, he was heartbroken, and he didn't understand why nobody else seemed to be. She will be terribly missed, but we will learn to live without. That's what they had said. Learn to live without? To Jack, it sounded like they were talking about giving up smoking cigars or something, not mourning a person. So he walked out. Got up from his seat in the front, probably attracting everyone's attention, and he just left. And he didn't return for the burial. He went to his apartment and just sat on the couch, looking around at everything that was Katherine's. People had told him that it would be easier if he cleared out her things as soon as possible, but he ignored them. They were probably right, but a part of him still hoped that if he just left it all there, then maybe she'd come back too. That if he didn't move the small amount of jewelry on her dresser, one day he'd walk into the bedroom and see her there again, getting ready for a night out with him. That if he didn't touch her typewriter (which he'd never been allowed to do before), she would come home again, ranting about an article she'd been assigned to with an insane deadline before sitting in front of her typewriter and not stopping until the early hours of the morning. He knew it was never actually going to happen, but he still had a slight hope. So he didn't touch anything.
oOo
Jack sat there for almost an hour when, unsurprisingly, there was a knock on the door. He had expected that someone would check on him at some point, he just wanted to avoid it for as long as possible. He reluctantly went to the door and opening it, groaning when when he saw Race, Davey, and Crutchie standing in the hallway and giving him sympathetic looks.
"Quit looking at me like that, would you?" He probably sounded a little harsher than he meant to, but he wasn't exactly in the best mood.
"Jack..." Crutchie began, but Jack just shook his head.
"What're you doing here?"
"We came to make sure you're alright, we saw you walking out of the service." Davey explained.
"Who didn't?" Race muttered under his breath, and Crutchie whacked him in the shin, even though Jack didn't hear him.
"Yeah, sure, I'm fine." Needless to say, the boys were not convinced.
"C'mon, we know you ain't fine." Race said, walking into the apartment with the two other boys reluctantly following.
"By all means, come in." Jack said sarcastically, but he closed the door behind them anyway. They sat down and remained silent for a moment, with Jack staring at his shoes and trying to ignore his friend's eyes on him.
"Why'd you leave the service, Jack?" Crutchie finally asked, in a gentle tone. Jack let out a sigh, hesitating for another moment before looking up.
"You heard all that stuff they were saying about her. It wasn't anything she'd have wanted them to say about her, y'know? She... she woulda wanted them to talk about her accomplishments, about all those causes she felt so strongly about, that's the kind of stuff she'd wanna be remembered for. Not that 'if she'd had kids and retired she'd have make a good housewife' or that 'she always treated the Pulitzer's house staff with respect'".
"Understandable but everyone was talking about it afterwards. I even overheard someone saying that you didn't even care about her." Davey said, and Jack suddenly felt angry.
"Seriously?" His voice wavered slightly. "There's no way that that's even a little bit true, you guys know that. I... I loved her more than anything. I just couldn't sit there and hear them talk about her like that." He put his head in his hands and the other three boys suspected he was hiding a few tears.
"You should go see her." Race remarked. Jack picked up his head and looked at him, and Crutchie and Davey glared at him. Race put up his hands in defense.
"Not like that. Geez, I ain't cruel. I mean, like, go see her grave." Jack winced slightly at that word. "It might help you to just get a chance to sort of say goodbye to her."
"That actually ain't a bad idea, Race." Crutchie agreed.
"I dunno..." Jack re-directed his gaze to the floor.
"I think they're right, Jack." Davey added, knowing that if Jack had all three of them agreeing on this, he'd be more likely to do it. "It would be good for you." There was a long pause.
"Okay, fine."
oOo
It was two days later and Jack found himself standing in the cemetery in front of a tombstone with the name Katherine Kelly engraved in large letters in the center. It didn't feel right to Jack. Not at all. Seeing her name on a tombstone was something Jack had never expected to see, because she was supposed to still be there. She was supposed to be there with him, not buried six feet under the ground. He sat down in front of the stone and nervously fiddled with a piece of grass.
"Hey, Kath." He began, praying he could get through this without crying. "I miss you. I miss you a hell of a lot more than I ever thought I could miss a person. S'pose part of that's cause when you... when you left, it was so unexpected. But mostly it's because I love you so much. I love you so much, Ace, and I..." His voice broke and he felt tears prickling at his eyes. He cleared his throat. "I wish you were still here so bad, I'd do anything for you to be here again. I'd trade places with you if I could." He wasn't even trying to stop the tears now, knowing that any efforts would be futile. "I ain't ever gonna stop loving you though, I'm gonna love you for the rest of my life and I don't think I'll ever find anyone else to be with, cause no one's as good as you." He let out a choked laugh. "You wouldn't like that though, huh? You'd say I was being stupid, that I should try to move on. But that's just it, you ain't here... damn it Katherine, you should be here! You should be here, and you should be able to tell me that I'm being stupid for every stupid thing I do, but you're not! You're not here! You're gone." He had started sobbing now, everything just overwhelming him. The reality of it all, the reality of the fact that Katherine was not there, and never would be again. Jack had lost her. He'd lost his partner, his best friend, his soulmate, one of the only people who had ever believed in him, his angel. And the pain was almost too much to handle. "Sorry." He said, quieter now. "Not like it's your fault, after all. I just miss you is all, and to be honest, I'm not sure how I'm gonna get through it. But I'll never stop loving you, and I swear I'll never forget you. And I'll come visit a lot, I'll be one of those old guys that everyone thinks is crazy cause they still visit their wife's grave every week." He managed a small chuckle. "For sure. So... I'll see you soon, Ace."
