The Elahim Brothers

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                 8th February 2013

Dear Fathimah,

I am not sure I can put into words my own head. Since you've written the last letter much has happened. I cannot wrap my head around it nor I knew life could be so vicious. Fathimah I wish you were here so I could embrace you and cry out all the pain. I do not know if love exists?
                Dad has given on his health,he only forces out on living. My brothers and their wives, Lord have mercy on them are being worse than animals to us. I had written to you about how they had fought over Dad's library; now they have started a war for the house. Grandma does not really open her eyes. I do not ever cry for mum I am glad she is not Alive to see her sons mistreat us.  Their wives talk to us like we are their burdens, they bore us for the only Sight of humanity but they are inhuman. They do not treat my father well, then I cannot even bring out even an ounce of kindness or mercy in my heart for them but I still wish my lord does not punish them because all that they do is making their left side heavier.
              I miss our lives too. More often I do not even remember if I ever had a life before that year but mostly I mourn life after mum. I wish I could be like her. Dad still finds his pride more complex to break words to me. His disgust for me hasn't depleted. Whenever I look at Fateh I pity him. Mum left him to the family and the family is no longer. I will have to raise him but I do not know if I can do anything for him. He's so little but their brother but they don't see him. They are blinded by greed and jealousy. Fathimah I wish I could flee to another country or to another world. Everything is falling apart and my hands are too small and my knees too weak

Are my dua'as not reaching his doors? Are our cries not affecting his response?  What is my mistake Fathimah?  That year.....and everything changed. I seldom visit the library but whenever I do my eyes rain with overwhelming memories of our past days. How can I let myself free of this tiresome life? Should I stop breathing? But who will then see after my little brother and grandmother? I cannot continue nor can I free myself of these chains of Sabr.
       If my brothers take over our house, they will tear it into pieces and as well as I know them, they would leave nothing to Fateh. Even if I marry, where shall he reside then? Their heart is filled with misery alone to have any space for Fateh.  Where is my partner who would agree to take Fateh with us, not only to live but respect him as his own child? I see no one fit to the mark of benevolence to accept him with me. An already twenty-six years old woman with her brother with no youth in her nor spark. Not even a slight light on my face, I do not have any smile to give him. Oh, Fathimah it's been a year since I have sincerely smiled or appreciated anything.
                  I fear the day I'll be resurrected, an ungrateful woman as I am but I feel so sorrowful to be content. My lord has been testing me over my limits.
              Fathimah please visit if you can.  I fear I wouldn't stay here any longer. If life takes me elsewhere I wish to see you beforehand. Write to me about you, even the minute monotonous detail of your days there, it relieves me. Don't worry when If I don't respond to your letters or emails, eventually I would. Take care of yourself Fathimah and your family.

Yours truly
Falaq-Naaz.