I Don't Believe In Love Songs (Ereri/Riren AU) (COMPLETED) [#Wattys2018]

Chapter 4

Levi

I stared at the wall. The majority of these songs were garbage, not what I was looking for at all. Some of them were okay, but I didn't want to choose an okay songwriter to potentially work on our next album. We'd be screwed. Maybe we could fake a winner? Have someone Erwin knew come in with a song that I actually wrote? I didn't want to do that. I was about to close my laptop when I noticed that there was one more submission.

I guess I can get through one fucking more, I thought as I opened the song. It was entitled "Drown" by Eren, eighteen years of age. I laughed. What the hell is an eighteen year old brat doing amongst all these twenty year olds? I decided to just get it over before my eyes stopped working. I glanced over it, but then craned my head, making sure that I paid attention to every lyric.

(A/N: The lyrics are in italics and they most likely suck Erwin's fucking face caterpillars, so yeah. Don't judge me please... Eren wrote this, not me.)

Tell me, tell me
How could we create something just to destroy it?
I'm suffocating, but I'm still alive
Just seconds away from Death's sweet embrace
Tell me, can you feel it too
How much I still feel for you?

I wake up in the middle of the night,
Oh but I'm barely hanging on,
Scared of falling in and drowning in your memory
Can't you see how it's torturing me?

We used to be on top of the world
Filled with unrivaled passion and grace
But now it has been erased
And I sleep alone,
In a bed that still smells like you,
Forever a permanent heart tattoo

As we would lay in each other's arms
Until four in the afternoon,
I did not think that you like so many others would be leaving me too
But now looking back all I can see
Is that you'd still be here if it wasn't for me

I wake up in the middle of the night,
Oh but I'm barely hanging on,
Scared of falling in and drowning in your memory
Can't you see how it's torturing me?

I was always intoxicated with the thought of you
But you were slipping away since week two
I couldn't save us, no I just sped us along,
But can you really blame me for still being lost in you?

You blew me wide open,
Broke down the walls that I tried so hard to maintain
But you knocked them down,
With one little push
Leaving me scarred and broken

I wake up in the middle of the night,
Oh but I'm barely hanging on,
Scared of falling in and drowning in your memory
Can't you see how it's torturing me?

Too bad I have already begun to drown
Down, down I fall with an image of you
Etched so deeply into my being
That I can see every detail of you with my eyes closed

You've got me choking on my heart
And darlin', It's tearing me apart
Mutilating me, It's ripping me to shreds
But it seems that I am already dead

My breath caught in my throat. How does this brat get me? It felt like a breakup song, but different. It felt more poetic than anything else. It was beautiful and resonated with me deeply, especially the fact that whether intentional or not, he didn't once say the word 'love.' What I felt for Petra wasn't love. We hooked up when I was drunk anyways, I just stayed with her because I didn't want to mess with the band. I let my guard down and she broke me. I was glad that I didn't love her, or else everything would've been twenty times worse.

"Levi?" Hange asked, "You okay? Your eyes are a little red."

"Get Erwin."

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