No Reflection|Kellic

Chapter 14

KELLIN'S POV
I didn't dare move. Even if I wanted to, I wouldn't have been able to. I was frozen to the spot.

Does this mean he's okay with it?
Or is he giving me the 'I'm about to leave you' sympathy smile?

'Uhh, Hey.' I said, though it sounded more like a whisper.

'Hi.' He smiled.
I sighed and finally stepped forward.
'I'm sorry' I whispered.
He frowned, 'Why?'
I laughed dryly, 'Coz I'm dead.'
I could hear him heavily breathing, nonetheless he shrugged, 'And?'

'And?!' I laughed, 'So it's not a big deal?'
He rolled his eyes.
'I- I just, my feelings haven't changed. I still really like you.'

I nodded, 'Same' 
We stood in silence for a small while..
Then His eyes turned sad, 'If you don't mind me asking, how did you die?'

I sighed, I really didn't want to tell him.

I believe in you.

Those were his last words to me when I was alive.
Fuck.

'Sorry, I-I didn't mean to.' He said.
I shook my head, 'I'm sorry.'
'Why?'
I felt my eyes welling with tears.
'I'm sorry, you don't have to answer, hey. Hey, don't cry.' He whispered, wiping a falling tear.

'I'm sorry, I'm sure it's a touchy subject.' He said.
A tear rolled down my cheek.
'I let you down.' I whispered.
'What do you mean?' His voice was soft.
'The last thing you said to me was I believe in you. Vic, you believed in me. And I ruined it.' I whispered.

'Wha- oh. No, no...' His eyes watered.
'I'm sorry.' I sobbed.
'You didn't..'
I turned away, I couldn't look at him now.
'You k-ki-' He stopped.
I wiped a tear and turned back to face him.
'Did you?' He breathed.
My lips quivered.
I slowly nodded.
He let out a shaky breath.
'Why?' He breathed.
I shrugged and looked away as more tears streamed down my face.

'Kells.' He whispered, grabbing my shoulder gently. I flinched slightly and turned to face him, he had tears dripping down his cheeks.

His eyes were full of sadness.
I sniffed slightly and looked down at the floor.
I was ashamed.
I disappointed him.
I didn't even think he'd ever know.
But now he does.
And I've never felt worse.

'Kells, what are you thinking right now?'

I sighed, wiping a tear that was sitting at the tip of my nose, 'I'm a disappointment.'

'Hey,' He said lifting my chin up with his index finger, 'You're not a disappointment.'

I scoffed, 'Yeah sure.'
'Kells, listen to me. You're not a disappointment. You were obviously going through some tough shit, I've been in the exact same place as you. A lot of people have, it doesn't mean we're all disappointments.'

I frowned, 'But I actually died, you believed in me and I let you down. I can never forgive myself.'
My voice was barely a whisper.

'I broke my promise with Matty too.' I muttered to myself.
'I miss him.' I sighed, a fresh tear threatening to spill.
'What did you promise him?' Vic asked.
I shook my head, 'Nothing, don't worry.'

He frowned, 'Tell me.'
I rolled my eyes, 'Nothing, he just made me promise that after I met you and the rest of Pierce The Veil that I'd never self harm again. I was fine for a little while, then I did it again. He never knew.'

Vics eyes were glistening with tears, 'Oh.' He whispered.

'I'm sorry.'

He smiled softly, 'Hey, stop apologising.'

I smiled back slightly and intertwined my fingers with his.
'I just hope you're fine now' He whispered.
'I hope so too.'
He smiled at me again.

'Anyway, wanna go somewhere for lunch?'

I nodded, 'I don't know how long I have though.'

'Is this why you always have a time limit.' He asked.

I nodded again.

'What happens if you don't get back in time?'

'I don't know, the first time we went for lunch was the first time I went outside since I died. Jesses friend went but never came back, so I don't know.' I said.

'Is Jesse here?' He asked, sympathy smothering his face.

I shook my head, 'He's probably reading.'
'Okay.'

'Where shall we go then?'
'Somewhere were people won't be concerned by floating food?' I laughed slightly.

'Oh yeah..' He chuckled.

I can't believe he knows I'm  dead yet he still likes me.
I can't even believe he'd like me even if I was alive.

I smiled and squeezed his hand,
I guess I got lucky to find someone like Vic.