Mayhem || {unedited}

"It's not enough"

"Right." Liam replies, cold and short.

"Let me explain-"

"What? So you can pour salt on the already sore wound?" He snorts, coldly.

"For God's sake, if you just stopped cutting me off and let me speak, thing would have been much more easier." I reply, slamming the table. "I don't want to make a scene. I thought I could have a neutral conversation with a mature person but you're clearly too hurt to function or listen to anything I have to say. I don't want any misunderstandings or bad feelings Liam." I start to explain, calmly. I hold up a hand to stop him from saying whatever it is he has to say. "Please. Just hear me out, then say whatever it is you have to say. If I don't tell you now, I feel like I'm never going to have a chance and you'll go on hating me for the wrong reasons." He nods to indicate that I should go on.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I'm not the girl you signed up for. I'm sorry, I misread my feelings and lead you on the way I did but, I'm not sorry for the moments we had together. I really did-do-care about you Liam but not in the way I thought I did, you're a wonderful guy. You've done so much for me, so much to help me, and I can't thank you enough. But I can't go on like this, I can't force myself to love you because it's not who I am and it goes against every single on of my beliefs. I respect you and I have very strong feelings for you, but they're not enough to make me want to stay in a relationship with you and they're not the ones a girlfriend should be getting." I pause and look at him, his face is blank. I take a deep breath.

"I know sorry isn't a medicine. I can't imagine how hurt you are, but it was hurting me to lead you on like that. I felt suffocated, everything I did was strained. I, I don't want to hurt you Liam." I say, my voice breaking. "Please forgive me." I whisper. I can feel my cheeks wet with tears and I look at Liam's face. Still blank. "Liam, say something. Please." I urge him. I place my hand on his and feel him stiffen, but he loosens up a bit and forces a smile.

"It's okay." I look at him puzzled.

"Liam-"

"No, let me finish." I nod at him and he continues. "It's okay. You don't have to apologise for your feelings. We're human, it's how we are. I'll get over my hurt. Thank you for telling me how you honestly feel. I'd rather have no relationship, than a forced one. I'm so sorry I didn't realise sooner. I was so selfish, I only cared about how I felt and how you made me feel. Without thinking about your feelings." Liam says and I smile at him, I squeeze his hand. "I admit, I'm shocked, hurt, disappointed and confused. But I'll get over it." He smiles back and puts his other hand over mine. "I love you, Spider. I'll never stop loving you. Even if you don't reciprocate the feelings." My mouth opens and closes. I just gape at him.

"Love, what?"

"You. I love you. I always have. All those years I hurt your feelings by pranking you. I thought you'd realise how I felt if I hurt you. You never did. We grew up and I grew tired so I started sleeping with girls, lots of them. I thought that would get your attention but it never did. Not until the Stacey incident, well I got your attention but not your feelings. Whatever. That won't stop me from loving you." He explains and I look at him shocked.

This can't be happening. He can't love me! You're supposed to die supposed to die in five days!

"You need to stop. For my sake and for yours. There are other girls who would die to be in my position. Liam, please don't waste your time loving me when you can love someone else. Someone who actually loves you back." I urge him.

"Do you think it's that easy? To just stop?" He asks incredulous.

"I-"

"If you woke up one day and I was dead, how would you feel, knowing what you know about how I feel?" Liam asks. I look at him shocked.

"I'd feel responsible for your death. I'd be guilty I didn't love you back. I'd feel guilty I told you to stop loving me and-oh. Oh. I get it." I say frantically and start to realise his point. "I just don't want you to have that burden on your shoulders. That pain of loving someone who doesn't love you back." I say quietly.  "If I died, how would you feel?"

"Devastated. I'd be heartbroken and I'd feel like I will never love again,but I'd be happy we had the small moments we did, even if you didn't feel the same. But I would cope through the pain with my memories of you." He tells me, softly and quietly, reaching over to brush away a strand of my hair.

Perfect.

"One day, you're going to find someone who loves and appreciates everything about you. And when you do, I want you to remember how lucky and loved you are, I want you to remember our relationship as something positive. Not a short mistake, but a start of a great friendship. I will always respect you for everything you have done for me, I may not love you, but I hold you on a very high pedestal. You mean so much to me Liam." I tell him and whisper the last part.

"So much, but it's not enough." I hear him say under his breath. "Thank you Charlie. You're amazing."

"I know, I know." I say lightly and that brings a smile onto his face. "Come on, let's get out of here." I tell him and we head out together.

Everything will be alright, Charlotte. You can do this.