When worlds Colide

Chapter 20

We arrived at my old house a couple of hours later for the Christmas party. I didn't really feel like coming, but Steven made me. I'd been thinking about Gray a lot and what we'd be doing if he were still here. My whole family showed up; mom and dad sides. We all sat in the living room exchanging gifts and laughing. I closed my eyes.
"Gray look!" I pointed to a sign and smiled. He walked over to me and smiled. "Couples salsa dancing?" I nodded. "The college is hosting it, and it's free! We can sign up and go as friends" I stated. His smiled faded a little, but nonetheless, he agreed. We signed our name and went back to the house. "Mom!" Leo called for me. I hugged him and smiled. "Hey honey, how was your day?" He sat on the couch across from me and Gray and Gray held his hand super close to mine. I looked down at it and put my hand on his. Grammy called me into the room two seconds later with a big grin plastered on her face. "He's the one" was all she said. I laughed at her and brought her in the family room with us. "He's the one!" She whispered before sitting next to Leo.
"Jazz!" Dad called my name. "Hm?" I opened my eyes to see everyone looking at me. "Daydreaming isn't good for you!" Ryan teased. "Last time I saw you like that, you were in love with Jacob! Always smiling and lost in thought!" Adrian smiled. I was in love with Gray but what could I do? It didn't matter! I could think about him if I wanted to. Steven looked at me weirdly and I shook my head. "I dozed off, Adrian! It was a late night with the party and everything!". Steven was obviously suspicious and kept looking at me. "Well what were you thinking about?" Adrian teased. I sighed as Steven stared. "I was thinking about our trip to San Francisco. The cool air, the beach, and I've always wanted to go to Alcatraz" I lied. He gave me my present and I gave him his while sighing a breath of relief. My brothers knew me so well, that it was kinda freaky. I sensed something would happen when we got home, and sadly I was right.
"Who were you thinking about?" He yelled in my face. I wasn't about to cry, but I was on edge. Steven was a notch over violent when he was mad. "I told you I'm ready for San Francisco! Why do you never trust me!" I yelled back. "You don't think I trust you? Come here!" He walked into one of our guest rooms raiding the drawers. He pulled out a gun and threw it on the bed. My heart was pounding! "Shoot me! Pick it up and shoot me!" He yelled picking the gun up and giving it to me. "Steven-" he cut me off. "Fucking shoot me!" I shook my head. I wanted to shoot him, but I couldn't. I couldn't put my hand on the trigger. One part of my head was telling me to do it so I wouldn't have to live in fear anymore, and the other part was telling me not to do it because I loved him. I dropped my head. "I can't" I cried. He grabbed the gun and put it back in the drawer. "How's that for trust" he walked up to me and gritted, "Who were you thinking about, because I know it wasn't me!" I looked down contemplating if I should tell him or not, but I was too slow. He grabbed me by the neck and lifted me up. "I will squeeze harder with every second until you die, hide you body, and take out everyone that was at that Christmas party" I closed my eyes to see if I could get a little air, but I couldn't. The crazy thing is, I believe Steven would do it, and actually get away with it. As bad as that sounds, he would. I didn't want any bad thing to happen to them, so I told Steven the truth. "Gray" I whispered. His eyes widened and he used all his force to pin me against our bedroom wall and use me a punching bag. Another black eye formed on my face. He let me down and I gasped for air. "Another two seconds, and you would've died" I didn't say anything, I didn't cry, and I certainly didn't chase after him. Instead he came back to me with my phone and Christmas present. He pushed the circle button and read a notification to me. "iPhone hasn't been backed up in 55 weeks, connect device to back up now". I had no idea what he was talking about until he took out my picture I got from him as a present. He threw it on the ground smashing the glass everywhere. He pulled out a lighter and flicked it on. "Steven! No" I barely said because my voice was gone. It was already on fire and I had to sit there and watch it. I cried after that. That was the most thoughtful gift I'd received in a while, and I know it was just a picture, but those were the two people I loved most in the world. After that he threw my phone on the ashes of the picture. He walked out to get something, and I turned my phone over. Cracked. He came back with a hammer and smiled evilly at me. "Say goodbye to memories except.... for.....me!" "No!" I actually yelled it that time. He smashed my phone into a million little iPhone pieces. "Don't fuck with anything other than me!" He stated walking out. I wanted to kill him! I hated him with everything I had! I wanted to divorce him and put a restraining order on him, and not have it lifted like I did to Cam's. Every single picture of everyone I ever loved was on that phone, and it was gone. I didn't even know what was what anymore with that phone. Leo, Grammy, mom, Lilly, and Gray were all just names and thoughts now. I sat up and grabbed the gun, it was locked and loaded and so was I. I crept from out of the room into the kitchen where he and Tony were talking. I pulled out the gun and aimed it at Steven. "Jazz" Tony stated softly. "-put the gun down right now" I glared at Steven and he didn't even look phased. "You couldn't do it thirty minutes ago, I know you can't do it now" Steven smirked. I didn't back down, and I kept it aimed at him, because thirty minutes ago, I was weak and defenseless, and didn't have this adrenaline rush, but now I did, and I wasn't afraid. Tony pulled out his gun and pointed at me. "Jazz we're friends, but I will shoot" he warned. I shook my head and chuckled. "No need. I got it" I put the gun down and walked away. Tony received his hand from his gun and watched me walk to the bathroom. I opened the medicine cabinet and took out two bottles, all filled with pills. I took every single one of the pills from both bottles and then some. I ran some bath water and sat in it until I couldn't keep my eyes open anymore. I sunk to the bottom and laid there. Tony knocked on the door to see if I was ok. I could still here the sounds from the outside. I could barely hear the knocks on the door now but I heard the door hit the wall really hard, and after that nothing else.
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I woke up to an IV in me and looked around. It was morning time and the sun was bright. "How are you feeling?" My nurse asked. I struggled to sit up straight but she helped me. "Do you mind closing the curtains?" She smiled politely and did as I asked. "What happened to me?" She explained everything in full detail about my suicide attempt. It was slowly but surely coming back to me. Steven walked in the room and she excused herself. "No!" I tried to say before Steven walked over and kissed me. "Oh thank heavens! I was worried sick, Jazz". The nurse was gone and it was just us. "Look at this!" He yelled throwing a magazine in my face. I flinched and picked it up. "Wife of Steven Newell, Jazzmine Newell, hospitalized for suicide attempt". He got ready to hit me but I begged for him not to. My face was a whole different shade from usual and I had scars and wounds all over my face and body. I'd have to buy concealer and tons of different makeup products to cover up my scars. He didn't hit me but instead choked me. "Steven please stop" I struggled. Why was I still alive? I was wondering why God hadn't taken me out of the situation. I could go back and finish college and we wouldn't need Steven to pay for my dad's house. I could get a good paying job! "You're going to fix this! My sales went down 2.5% because of this!" He yelled. Wow. That really made me wonder about him and our relationship. He cared more about his company than my health and personal wellbeing. I began to cry. "Shut the fuck up Jazzmine! I should be the one crying!" I shook my head. "How long have I been here?!" I tried to yell, but I couldn't. He continued to pace the floor whit his hands combing through his hair. "How long?!" He snapped and became an inch away from my face. "You've been here for two weeks my dear. Two fucking weeks that I haven't had sex and that I've had to sleep alone!" I clenched my fist under the blanket. I was done with this! With the money, Steven and this relationship! I'd been held captive to it for too long now. "Well I guess you're gonna have to go longer without sex, at least from me!". A look of confusion dawned over him. "What are you getting at? I can get it whenever I want it!" I shook my head and attempted to smirk. Note to self: don't attempt to smirk anymore! That really hurt. "I want a divorce! And I'm actually going to get it! Nothing you can do or say will stop me!" He punched the wall and yelled at me. "There is no divorce in the equation of this relationship!". I shook my head. That was his problem! Everything always had to be mathematics or business related. "No Steven! That's what wrong! There is no equation for love! It's two people who want to be with each other! This.... this isn't love! I don't love you at all! And I won't ever love you again! The abuse, and the hurtful words! I'm over this all Steven, and I wish I could say sorry, but I'm not!" He looked at me. Tears started to fall from his face and I felt really bad. Was I that harsh? No, it needed to be said! He didn't care about me when I cried and went through stuff. "You're not leaving me! You're mine! You will always be mine and nothing else! No one else will love you how I do!" He kissed me softly and I closed to eyes. He pushed a strand of hair behind my ear and pushed me down softly. What the hell are you doing? I was not going out like this! Not over a kiss! I pushed him off of me. I could feel him getting hard. "I'm sorry Steven, I just can't". He looked down at his now erected penis and back at me. He smirked and I shook my head. He came on top of me and covered my mouth as I screamed. "No Steven!" I cried. He wiped my tears away and pushed himself inside of me. He was raping me and he don't even care! No one would ever know what I was put through, and to be completely honest, I don't think anyone ever could. He leaned his head back, moaned and pulled out. I knew what that meant, and I burst into a fit of tears. "Did you cum in me?". My voice cracked! I wasn't ready to bring yet another child into this world just for him to hurt us and kill our baby. He nodded. "I wanted another child. You're gonna be a mother hopefully" he pulled his pants back up and walked out. "Oh my God" I held my mouth and cried to myself. "God what did I do to be put in this situation?! Help me". I looked over to my right and saw Gray sitting in the chair with a melancholy expression on his face. Even though he wasn't there, I still felt embarrassed. "Are you okay?" He asked me. Instead of responding I just looked at him crying . I couldn't even respond and he slowly faded away saying 'sorry'. Steven returned a few minutes later with a suitcase and a nurse. I closed my eyes as I continued to listen to them argue. "She's had two suicide attempts and hasn't been taking her antidepressants! She needs to stay here and go to rehab! She's not ready to be released!". She had a point. I hadn't been taking the medicine and I definitely hadn't been thinking about it. It was so embarrassing to tell people that I had to take antidepressants. "She needs to come home with me! That's final, she's coming along with me! I can have you fired if you get in my way again, now release her!" He yelled. I didn't want to be released. I didn't want to go home, I wanted to stay here as long as I could, but I knew I couldn't. Business would always come before me and my wellness in Steven's eyes. The nurse nodded her head and looked at me before leaving. "Wait, please!" I cried out, but she was already gone. I understood why too, I wouldn't want to lose my job either. Steven sat in there chair across from me and I began to let the tears fall from my face. "Why are you doing this? Please? I will do anything you want, I'll pay you anything, I swear! Just please let me stay here and get the help I need and let me out of this marriage!" He gave me the most sympathetic look I had ever seen. Maybe he was actually considering it. But then he walked over and kissed my cheek and told me to get ready to be discharged. He traced my face with his index finger and lifted me by the chin to kiss me. "I love you, Jazzmine" I nodded. I knew deep down he did but I couldn't say it back to him, instead I nodded silently.
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I forced a laugh as I turned to look at the reporters. Their camera flashes made my eyes feel weird and with all the mics and phones in my face, I felt claustrophobic. I pushed my hair out of my face and stood up straight up. Steven called for a press conference with the reporters to explain my "suicide attempt". "Guys, it wasn't a suicide attempt! We were drunk, all of us! All of us were drunk, it was Christmas! So when I woke up I heard about a pool and water and blacking out! Look, I don't even know what happened, all I know is Steven was there for me and....." I looked over at him. He was talking with the girl from our date night. He was smiling and she laughed at whatever he said. It hurt my feelings a little bit, but I continued on with my speech. "-and he's always there for me. It's been that way since.... high school". I forced back my tears as I continued to look at him. He didn't care about me, he didn't love me. He didn't even realize I had stopped talking and was looking at him. I shook my head and got ready to conclude the speech. "It was honestly a very eventful evening gone wrong! I think we can all agree that getting drunk and going swimming is the absolute worst thing ever! Hopefully we can all learn from this!" I walked over to a table on the other side of the room. Steven stopped talking to the girl and went on stage. That woman was more beautiful than I was. I looked at my skinny, frail body and looked at her hourglass figure. I was thick but I was loosing my body weight. I looked completely different. She was thick and had the biggest boobs I had ever seen. Her long brown hair fell down her back perfectly. It was curled and had streaks of golden highlights in it. She had pretty caramel skin, and no scars or anything on her. Compared to me. I put on concealer everyday, and even tried going to get a tan to bring my color back. She was perfect, and I could see why he liked her. She had on red bottoms and the tightest all black cup dress. It revealed her body perfectly. I didn't own a single pair of red bottoms, even with my husband being a billionaire. He would never care enough about me to do anything kind for me. He told me I couldn't leave him because it would be embarrassing for him and his company to try and find me and then I get divorced. There was a lot of changes in our relationship after I was hospitalized. There would be no talk of divorce. It didn't make sense to talk about it, because it wouldn't happen. I couldn't disturb him while he was in the room with the door closed. If a client called him, I could not say a word or make any noise. Lastly, I only got to visit my mother's grave two times out of the month. I could choose, but it had to fit into Steven's schedule. I could only go if he was with me. My dad had to come to our house; Ryan and Adrian did too. I guess I really upset him this time. I had to abide by his rules or there would be "consequences". He finished speaking and I got up to greet him, instead he walked right past me to go and give her a hug. My heart broke as I looked at the camera flashing around me and the cameras around them. Don't cry in front of her. Don't cry in front of the public. Most importantly don't cry in front of Steven. I walked out to the car where I was greeted my Tony standing outside waiting for us. I smiled slightly and hurried in to close and lock the door. As soon as I was alone I began to sob hysterically. Gray appeared next to me and wrapped his arm around me. He stayed silent as I sniffled and continued to cry. "No! Get away from me! You're making this worse on me! Get out!" I yelled at him. "Jazz-" "NO!" I cut him off. I wanted to be alone and not have to worry about anyone. No one loved me. "I love you" was the last thing he told me before he disappeared. I wiped away my tears when I looked over and saw Steven coming. I couldn't give him that power over me. He opened the door and Tony got in the car with us. "Good job, Jazz". I smiled slightly continuing to look down. "Steven can we go visit my mom?" I asked as his phone rang. I sighed and tried to look on the screen but he moved it away. "Jazz, not today, I need to take this". He slid the arrow as I was about to speak. I decided against speaking anyways, since I feared I would get hit. "What time? Tonight?...... You'd do that for me?" He smirked as I looked across from him. I knew it had to be that girl. "-Will you be wearing that?....Nothing? Oh I'm there! Okay see you tonight". Tony looked at me and I tried to hold back more tears. I felt like I was going to die. I needed air, and quick. "Stop the car!" I yelled to the driver. "Jazzmine what the fuck are you doing?" Steven yelled. I didn't care about him right now. I needed the air and I felt sick to my stomach. As soon as the car stopped, I opened the door and fell to my knees to release the poison from my stomach. Tony rushed with napkins and a bottle of water. Steven stayed in the car. He was on his phone and didn't even look at me. I wiped my mouth and took a deep breath. "Tony, is he cheating on me?". He grabbed and squeezed my hand before getting up to get back in the car. I followed him and told Steven I was sorry, to avoid getting punched in the face. We pulled up to the penthouse and Steven went in the room and closed the door. I was going to ask to go to the cemetery, but now it looked like I couldn't. I laid down and before I knew it, I was asleep. When I awoke, Steven was gone. It was 8:00. He was out getting some sex from someone, and here I was, hurting and sad because of him. I was starving and went to find Tony. He was on the phone with someone so I waited outside the room. "You can't take her away from me! She loves me and she needs me! You and your drug addict boyfriend can't teach her anything she will need!". He stayed silent for a minute and then squeezed his temples. "You can have her for the weekend! That's it! Then you leave us alone! I get off at 10, I'll see you later". He hung up the phone and I knocked on the door. "Tony" I started softly. He looked up at me and smiled a little smile. I could tell he was probably hurting too. I gave him a hug and he cried on my back. I rubbed his back up and down and let him cry. I didn't say a word, and neither did he. We just stood in Leo's room, and that is when I began to cry. I hadn't come in here since Tony told me he was moving in. The emotions waved over me all at once, and I honestly couldn't handle it. I went over to his bed and hugged his teddy bear. It smelt just like him, and that made me hug it harder. I had got him 'Cuddles' when he was three months old and he kept it in tip top shape for the rest of his life. He hated the name, but it stayed with him, and he slept with him every night. 'Cuddles' was Leo's friend while I'd be working my late shifts. He played with Cuddles everyday, and even though he didn't like to admit it, he played with him when he was older as well. "I love you, Leo" I whispered and wiped away my tears. He wouldn't want to see me like this! I was Wonder Woman to him and I know from Heaven he was just waiting on me to fight back, well now was the time! I'd fight for Leo, Lilly, my mom, and Gray. He appeared next to me and smiled. "Thats it! That's my girl!" he said.