TOO GOOD ; Phan

f i f t e e n

It's raining outside, and I love it. I love the sound of rain hitting the ground outside, the feeling of the rain pouring down crashing against my skin, dampening my hair. I pull on some black ripped jeans, like usual, and a black t-shirt. In other peoples eyes going out when the weather is like this in so little clothing might not be a glorified though, but it is to me. I don't know what it is, but the idea of the water pouring down from the skies has always been nice to me. Maybe it's the idea that the world is being washed, or maybe that the sky is being cleared and getting rid of its clouds.

Finally, I pull on my shoes while already halfway out of the door to my flat, jogging down the stairs to make the most of the beautiful weather. Letting the cold water splash against my ghostly skin gives me a sort of cleansed feeling, my mind blank. Of course, a blank mind doesn't last long. There's always a thought that creeps out of the dark.

The walk to where I'm going is half of the whole experience. I get to step in the puddles that've been formed in dips in the ground, making splashes that sometimes cause the bottom of my jeans to become soggy. By the time I reach my destination, my fringe has been ruined and is no longer perfectly swept across my forehead, but rather a mess in all different directions and ever so slightly wavy. The destination is a large rock, big enough to sit on, overlooking a river. Watching the river during a downpour is my favourite sight. I can't imagine anything I'd rather look at, well, I've seen some other pretty things; like Dan Howe- no, he isn't pretty, if I thought that it'd be gay, and I'm not gay. Nothing about Dan's cute curls is attractive. His pastel style doesn't make him look adorable. Nope.

Dan doesn't want to be my friend. I can't think of him, even if it is about how unattractive his dainty figure is, how easy he would be to domina- nope. If he did, he wouldn't have acted so awkwardly after I fucked up, but perhaps he's just an awkward person, which wouldn't be a surprise, being that he doesn't exactly have friends. There's a chance, but not a good one. If he wants to be my friend, he can try to be, if not, he doesn't.

I settle myself down on the rock, already making my ass wet, but oh well. I stare down into the crashing stream, imagining maybe bringing a loved one here someday. Holding their hand and letting them appreciate what I have done for so many years. I'd look up into their eyes I can already imagine it. A set of brown, coffee coloured eyes emerges in my mind. Fully dark and rich, only slightly different in colour from the pupil. The lashes are thick; as if they're wearing eyeliner, but they're not. I know I've seen these eyes before, I'm guessing on one of the girls who aren't that bad. I want to see those eyes more, and properly. 

Alas, I decide to return home. By now I can see people through their windows, bundled up in blankets with the fire on, staying warm on a cool day; All together. Maybe it's a little creepy to be looking at people like this, but I miss doing things like that as a family, so watching other people being happy as a family makes me happy. I reach the blocks of flats, seeing a set of curtains open and that set of pretty brown eyes staring out of the window. It's Dan, but it can't be. The flats down here are one bedroom, as oppose to further down where mine is, and he lives with his family. It's not him, surely.