Feeling Blue

Chapter 24

Dan came through the sections of clothes on display. He had a smirk on his face as he came towards me. He starred right me, his brown eyes were sparkling and bright from the lights. That was why I dated him two years ago. I must admit I did go over the top when he apparently practised kissing my best mate.

'Hey Clara, what brings you here?' He asked me while folding his arms. 

'Does it actually matter Dan. I'm out wedding shopping if that's okay with you?' I asked him with one eyebrow lifted. 'What with Josh. A bit soon isn't it? But, Josh is so much better than I am. I need to get that in my head don't I?' I scowled at him. How dare he say those things about Josh. 'No Dan I love you but, you want my best mate more than me. Do you know how that actually feels? We dated for two years and it was time up.' I explained to him.

Mum came out of the changing rooms and spoke to her mates for a bit then, came over to me. 'Hey Clara who this?' She asked me. 'Hi, I'm Dan, I'm Clara's boyfriend.' What the firetruck, how dare he say that to my mum. She knows I'm dating Josh now Dan turns up and says I'm dating him. This is very embarrassing and I am in trouble. Mum folds her arms. 'What no, he not my boyfriend just a mate who is a boy that is a friend.' Worst lie ever well, yeah it is true but, the way he said it mum will believe. 

Mum pulls me from my arm away from Dan. 'Darling, are you dating two guys? You can tell me even though it the most stupidest thing ever.' She glares down at me and I glare back. Dan looked busy looking at baby clothes for some reason while his body was facing us. 'What no! I'm not dating two guys. Dan just saying that to impress you. He was my ex. Anyway says you, while you were married to Dad when I was very little you were sneaking off with other guys leaving Dad to look after Leo and myself. You said to Dad they were business meetings or some friend had problems in their love lives so, you had to go off and comfort them.' I say acting smart. Well, I'm allowed to be honest to my own mother. 'Clara, how did you know that?' She asked me in surprised in what I knew about her already. 'You know, I ask questions over my life time and get answers to finally get to a conclusion. It pretty obvious mum, you didn't find Taylor straight away!' Now I thought I knew all, well about my mum's love life.

'Fine Clara, just dating two guys is wrong very wrong and you will lose them both one day.' Mum explained. 'Mum, I'm not dating Dan. He kissed my best mate right in front of me. We spilt up ages ago. Well, a few days. Just don't listen to him Mum he trying to make me look like the bad guy here when he is.' Mum rolled her eyes and I went back to Dan. Mum went back to meet Tara, Alex and Claire to giggle like school children.

'Right Dan, I'm not dating you and your not dating me so, why say to my birth mother that you are my boyfriend when you are clearly not?' I asked him with my arms folded, looking into his hazel eyes. 'Oh, was that your birth mother? I didn't realise oops silly me.' He said in a sarcastic tone which I hated so much. 'You know well to well she is. I had a picture in my old house and when you came over you starred at it for ages and I explained. Dan I'm well over you so you better stop trying.' I warned him. I didn't even know what he was up too.

'Clara, I still love you. It was one stupid error and you took it to heart. It was a mistake and I regret it so badly.' He looked to the floor and took a step towards me. I felt a bit uncomfortable with his breathe against my cheeks and him in my space. 'Dan like I said before, I well over you now so let's leave it be.' I commanded. 'So, Josh would go around your house and help you with homework, buy you presents for birthday and Christmas, always there when you needed him. I did all those things and you shoved them back in my face Clara!' He shouted in my face to make me feel bad. I do not regret dumping him and going with Josh. Josh is the love of my life and I want it to stay that way. 'Wait, I was with you for two years. Two years is a very long time my friend. I've only met Josh and some how he knew it was my birthday and brought me a 'C' necklace and a box of chocolates on his first day. Josh is kind, helpful and thoughtful and I'm happy with him.' I explained. 

Mum heads out the shop with her mates and indicated that she was going. I nod and head for the door even with Dan complaining next to me. 'Clara your such player!' Dan said stamping his feet on the floor and having a temper transom like a toddler not getting their own way. 'Excuse me, am not! Was it me or you tried to put Josh off of me? You did Dan face up to the truth. Dating you was a mistake,' I go up to his face and say under my breathe 'A cruel and dangerous mistake which I regret so much. I'm moving on and so should you. Don't you ever stick your nose into my life ever again!' I run to meet mum.

I was glad of what I said to Dan. He knows that I know what he been up too. I don't think he would be facing me anytime soon. Mum and the girls were talking about stuff I never knew about like Dad was ten years older than Mum and both Mum and Dad met at a residential camp. Dad was working with his Dad and Mum was with some of her college mates having a week of the outdoors and life skills. A pretty good love story I believe. Mum didn't really talk to me I just walked at the end of line that stretched across the corridors of the shopping centre. I did listen and tried to put my input in to speak but, it wasn't heard. So, I gave up and listened to quite weird tales about my parents getting together. A bit disgusting I know but, it interesting and somehow I knew my mum and dad better than they do of themselves. Its creepy but, funny at the same time.

The only thing mum said to me was my opinion on some clothes she saw in a shop window. Not really a mother and daughter bond. At least I knew how the wedding was going to plan out as I heard every detail of what wedding reception will be like. It sounded better than Dad's and Marina's wedding, I was a bridesmaid, with a dress I was proud of. Marina let me choose because it was her sister and I that were bridesmaids. So whatever I chose Marina brought her sister in a bigger size. I felt loved and proud. They got married in a registry office in the civic centre. It was quite a large room with flowers and the guests were on chairs from the party room. Mum's and Taylor's was also going to be in a registry office. My life is in a registry office. I couldn't wait till the big day for Mum and Taylor. Walking down that isle again in that large room with family I haven't seen for over ten years. I just had Leo's funeral to get over with.

Tara, mum's friend gave me a lift to the house. It was just past six. It not like life or death if I'm late. Tara mini made it quite like a squeeze in the back. Mum and Tara were in the front and Alex, Claire and I were in the claustrophobic back. I was right next to the window starring out of it. The others were gossiping about men and stuff but, I wasn't interested especially, with my age. When I hope home it was mission impossible to get out of the car. Amount of toes I stepped on while getting out of the car. When I finally got out, I headed for the door. I opened it and wiped my feet. I went into the kitchen and everyone was sitting down to a lovely meal Marina made. Pasta bake my favourite with Marina's homemade sauce. Marina was feeding Joseph while Dad was tucking into his. 'Ah Clara, did you have a good time with your mum?' She asked while she getting up to get my dinner off the side. She left the spoon in Joseph's mouth while she bring heaven to the table. Dad completely blanked me and started to talk to Marina about work. 'I know Alan, let get Clara into some figures that she is used too.' Dad pulled a face, Marina knew he was blanking me so she changed to subject. 

'Clara, Leo's funeral will be next Friday afternoon at St. Peter's church in Bromabury.' Bromabury is where I used to live and well, where Jess still lives. The church there is amazing and Leo loved that Church especially, when Leo did the nativity there when he was six. It would be a great place for him. 'So, next Friday he will go.' I said while looking down to my pasta bake not as keen as I was before. 'Yes, that reality Clara. We are all born and we all die. We meaning your Dad and I were thinking of you doing a speech and talking from the bottom of your heart. As you two were very close. Closer than I was with my brother. Clara you know him better than anyone you got to do it.' Marina said glaring straight at me. 'I know that. it just seeing Leo one last time which scares me.' I said honestly. 'Well, sometimes we got to do our bit and in your case sending Leo off will make you proud.' Marina was a lot of help but, anyway it would be what Leo would of wanted. 'It just writing a speech, I'm terrible!' I announce. 'You will do fine just speak from the bottom of your heart and you will be fine I promise you on that one love.' If Marina has so much faith in me then I have to  do it well then. Do it from the bottom of your heart with passion and how I do know Leo as my brother and always will be my brother!