I'm acting as if I'm fine,unless it's towards mark he knows when I'm Lying so there's no point.
I'm fighting me Demond's and I just want to let them win.
I have a girlfriend now,I don't want to upset or hurt her in anyway,she's perfect in every way and I don't see why she fell for a monster like me.
Because that's what I am,a monster.
I rip my skin and scare people away.
I'm horrible to look at and I'm a bitch.
Damn right self cantered bitch.
I went to sussies house,I showed her,my arms at least.
She was shocked,I don't think she realised how bad it was,the look on her face was pure dedication to help me get better,she seemed so sad that I'd done it to myself and she seemed concerned and I realised how much she cares,I loved that.
But why would you care about me?
Silly old me.
The one who can't even kill herself properly.
My bipolar seems to be getting worse and I only have it minor at the moment.
The worst thing is people are starting to notice I'm not okay anymore because my Darkside is taking over everything even those things I fake.
I'm trying to stay to protect my friends and girlfriend.
My girl- let's call her Carly - she docent know everything although mark told her most of it because Layla was crying after I had a schizophrenia attack or whatever u call it.
She's supporting me and I love her with all my heart,she's so beautiful.
Mark- he's the only one I can talk to,yeah I have all my other friends but he seems to help me before I even ask and I love that,so much,he's my best guy friend I could ever wish for and I hope he never forgets the fact he's saved my life,we have a pack,he goes I go,I go he goes,the other day he showed he really meant it,I haven't thanked him enough.
Sussie- she's amazing,true friend,someone I can never ever live without,the person I fangirl with over dan and phil the person that always helps me get away or tells me she loves me just to put a smile on my face,she's going through stuff to and I'm so proud of her,she's beautiful and such a great friend and I dunno what I would do with out her.
Perry- this girl is amazing,really,she came out to me,I told her everything and I love her so much,she makes me smile when I'm sad by saying the sweetest things you can imagine and the most silliest all just to make me smile,she leaves a big impact on everyone,making people smile,I talk to her and cry about mcr,I couldn't do that with anyone else but her.
Lilly- she's my best buddie,although I don't tell her as much as I tell mark.
It's because I love her way to much and I don't want her to worry about me,she's the best person,you can imagine,she's such an idiot and I love that about her,she makes me smoke even in the darkest of days and that's really hard to do these days,were like sisters,we even pee around each over,I've known her for so long and I will never ever stop loving her,she's my best Girl buddie.
Layla- she cares about me so much and I love that,she cries for me,she makes sure I'm fine,she makes me laugh and is so small,even If she Is the flirtiest thing you will meat she's amazing and she's such a great friend you'll never meet someone like her.
Lucy- she's so funny and adorable,she makes me laugh in maths when we just shout band references across the room,laughing about stupid memories,she cares about me and it so sweet,she's one of the most caring people you'll meet and I can't thank her enough for all the memories we share.
James- we dated for a long time and it was really sweet,he's one of my best friends and he is so kind,as much as I muck about to with him he really is amazing and I'm glad I'm friends with him,we have the same interests and opinions and that's great.
I'm surrounded by all these brilliant people that make up my life but,I can't do it.
As much as I love these guys.
I don't want to be here,I can't love like this anymore.
I've been trying I'm loosening,it's not a game I'm trying to win anymore it's one I'm trying to loose.
Let me die,it's what I want.
I'm so sorry,love you forever.
