So today was supposed to be my last day.
I we as supposed to say goodbye,I just didn't know how to word it.
At lunch Sussie came over and was so happy to see me which made me realise how much I'm going to miss her.
Then when they went outside I stayed in there and perry was telling me to sit with her,but ...I don't want to,not because I didn't like her,I bloody love her ..because if i was sat there I would start panicking about how much I'd miss her.
She asked me if I'm okay,I said I was fine,of course I wasn't I juts wanted to scream 'perry I'm gonna kill myself and there's nothing that's gona stop me,I'm sorry I love you thanks for everything' but I couldn't as I was scared.
I went outside and I still felt the same,looking at Lucy,I think she new because shed always give me a sympathetic smile and look likes she wanted to wrap her arms round me.
James was acting annoyed with me which actually made me feel pretty down...more...but still I realised he's still a great friend.
I went to see my friend....urm....let's call her Stevie ....and mark was there,he looked up at me and I started to cry,he hugged me and I told him I'd miss him and I just walked away.
Layla and Mark had a bust up so he's...kinda not spending time with us as much,which is sad.
Layla didn't really know she and her own problems,she had to worry about her self.
My friend,I'll keep his name,Scott,new something was up,he constantly asked me and it was nice to know he cared.
My friend ...ummm rick...looked at me a lot giving. Me huggs asking if I'm okay.
Lily I think she he new something was up and she's my best friend and I hate to know how she's gonna react to my ...death.
As much as these guys made me real some how much I loved them and how much they're trying.
But it's no use,I can't do it.
Everyone knows how I feel about myself,I hate me and I fucking. Hate life and he pain is unbearable.
Every morning I'm sad I'm still alive.
But tonight I don think I'll go,unless it just gets to much, which I think it might.
But I haven't said goodbye to my friends,I've already written there letters but there short and they need to be longer,so before I go I'll make them longer.
But trust me,I won't be staying very long.
I can't.
I don't want too,he dosent want me too.
I'm sorry I let everyone down,I love you all and I know your all trying to help me.
My time is almost up and this time I try to end it,hopefully I'll succeed.
I love you Emma<3 thank u for everything,My wattpad best friend xxxxxxxxxxx
So long and goodnight,I'll try make it but I'm not promising anything ..
