An Unexpected Love

Chapter 7: Preparing

*Sunday January 2, 2011*

Tomorrow school starts back and I’m slightly scared of what will come from that. I’m trying to focus on something good though; which is that it will also be two weeks being with Louis tomorrow! He couldn’t have come into my life at a better time; I needed him more than he knew. Not only that he saved my life that day without knowing it; but he’s also made sure I didn’t have to be home with my dad for almost the entirety of break. He doesn’t like me being home more than I need to be because he hates to see the bruises that he wishes he could make go away; and he hates the thought of anyone hurting me. As much as I’m use to it and have just accepted it as what my life is; Louis’ right when he says I don’t deserve it. I know that, I do; but I’ve told myself otherwise for years. I don’t know how he hasn’t gotten bored of me somehow since we have literally spent every day of break together. I honestly never thought I would find someone that would care about me like Lou does. Really, I didn’t. I always just thought the whole ‘finding someone’ was for everyone else and that there really wasn’t anyone for me. And I know it’s only been two weeks; but he’s protected me and cared about me like no one else ever has and that has meant the world to me. Most of these days we’ve spent either taking walks on the beach; as that’s now seemed to become ‘our thing’ you could say or just lying in his truck bed in his arms just talking. Except for yesterday when he took me to the fair! But honestly, I’ve loved every minute of being with him. I’m happy for the first time, in a long time when I’m with him. Home life in the past two weeks as been just as bad as normal; but for the most part, I’ve cared less. A few nights I’ve broken down and ended up cutting from it all. But I’m proud of myself, yes; as crazy as that sounds I am. For the years that I’ve self-harmed; I’ve done it multiple times a day almost every day and now in the past two weeks I’ve only done it a few times a week. It’s a big deal. Louis doesn’t know about all of that yet; and frankly I’m terrified to tell him. But a few times that I’ve felt the depression taking over I’ll call him and won’t obviously tell him about what he’s distracting me from but just that its bad at home right then. And many times he’s just came and gotten me as I’ve slipped out my bedroom window to get away from the screaming. I know I should tell him before he finds out for himself somehow. I just need to be able to try and explain it to him and maybe he won’t leave me. I don’t think he would; Lou’s not like that, but it’s still scary. It’s scary that the one stable, safe, and good thing in my life could be ripped from under me just because of how weak I am. I’m going to wait a bit longer though before I tell him. I need to deal with going back to school before telling him. Oh fuck, school. I don’t want to deal with that. It’s been nice to have a break from all the rumors, but yet again; I need a break from being home too. I just need a break from both. But I guess that’s where Louis comes in; he kindof is that break. Whenever I’m with him it’s just the two of us and I’m not thinking about my family or the rumors and bullying.

{Text with Louis}

Louis: Hey love, wanna do something?

Allie: Yea! I need to get my mind off of school tomorrow…

Louis: We can take a walk and talk?

Allie: Perfect

God, Louis’ perfect. He knows exactly what to say. So he came and got me and we went on a walk; I think those have become my favorite thing to do with him. I know that sounds simple and boring but it’s not. Well maybe it’s simple, but that’s the point. I like it when it’s just the two of us talking and being ourselves. I have a hard time doing that anywhere else; and really I’m only fully myself with Louis. I don’t even know why but I’ve realized that from since we first met, I’ve always been honest with him about everything. I’m never like that with anyone else; but yet with Lou I’ve always felt so comfortable and relaxed and I guess knew I could trust him. I mean after knowing him for only a few days I told him about my dad; and that’s something I’ve never told anyone else about EVER. Maybe he’ll be the one to really save me; I mean he already has without knowing it.

Back to our walk; the entire day I’ve just felt shitty about having to go back to school tomorrow and facing everyone. I’ve been honestly scared of what will happen. Like I said this morning; I’ve been so much better over this break. And I guess I’m just scared of it all crashing back down again. So, we were walking along the beach side like we always do and up till then we had just been talking about random things and goofing off. The entire time school kept coming into the back of my mind. I guess Louis could tell that it was bothering me; I had told him earlier that I needed a distraction from it.

“I’ll be there with you.” Louis said to me out of the blue. And honestly, I hadn’t realized that we’d only been together during break and that I hadn’t had him with me during school. I’d been thinking about how it’s always been; but how it’s always been is me doing it alone but I won’t be alone this time. This time I have Louis.

After a few hours it was getting dark so we decided on heading back. We sat in the car outside my house for a few minutes before I went in. “Thanks; I needed tonight.” I told him looking over to him. “I know you did, that’s why I came and got you. And anytime I can get you out of that damned house I’m going to.” He said before leaning into to kiss me. Our lips fit together like they are made for each other.  “Dammit, I hate that I even have to see you go back in there. Because in there, I don’t feel like I can protect you.” He said lowering his voice. “I know but if I need you I’ll text or call you.” I told him. He was still looking down drawing random things into my arm. We sat there like that for a moment. He didn’t answer but just gave a simple and small nod. “Lou,” I said, waiting for him to look back at me. “I’ll be fine; I’m use to this. And if it makes you feel better, Luke always tries to protect me when he can; I’m not alone in there.” I reassured him; even though I often do feel alone because my dad makes us all so small but I hated seeing Louis that upset. And he was that upset just about me. “I know, I’m sorry I just,” He paused a moment; I let him continue knowing he had more to say.” “I just want you to me safe Al, I care about you and hate seeing you be hurt.” He said before kissing my lips again; this time being a bit more passionate and lasting a longer. “Do you want me to pick you up in the morning?” He asked pulling away. “No, it’s okay… I’ll walk with Luke, it’s not that far away and I don’t want my parents wondering who’s picking me up.” “Ok, but if you change your mind just tell me.”

After a few minutes of just being there with him. “Can I ask you something?” he asked me and I just simply nodded. “I’m not meaning this badly; you know I’m not but…. “ He stopped. “What?” I asked him seeing the hesitation in his eyes. “Does your dad have a thing about guys and you? I mean you don’t want him to know about me, which is completely and totally fine that’s not why I’m asking. I’m just wondering why. I mean will he hurt you even more if he finds out about us; I don’t want to put you in more danger if he saw us or I don’t know. I’m sorry for asking I shouldn’t have I just didn’t know and-” He was quickening his speed as he spoke and I cut him off. “Hey, hey, hey; it’s okay to ask me, really.” I said calming him down before answering. “No, he’s never cared. Never really cared about anything with me so he wouldn’t start caring when it comes to guys. I just don’t want him to find out I guess for two reasons, one: he’d probably somehow bring you into all of this and I don’t want that. Two: He’d just have more things to say about me and things he could bring up more fights with. He’d end up randomly saying I’m a slut if I came home after being with you or something of that nature and that would start one of his outbursts. Trust me, I would love to have a normal family I could introduce you to; but I don’t.” I said looking down; as the relation hit me of everything I had just said; I hadn’t really thought about it till just then; but it was all true. “Hey, and that’s okay with me, I don’t care. I was just stupidly wondering I guess. Allie, I care about you and that’s all that matters okay?” He said lifting my chin up to look back at him. “Thank you” I said into his neck as I had reached over to him; wrapping my arms around his neck and his around my waist as I was practically completely over the center console. “Bye” I said letting go to get out of the car. “I’ll meet you outside school okay; I told you. I’ll be there with you.” He said before squeezing my hand and letting go as I got out. And that’s been my night. I’m beyond lucky to have Louis. This morning was horrible realizing how bad school could be. But now I realize that this time; I’ll have Louis. And that’s all that I need right now. Louis.

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