An Unexpected Love

Chapter 13: Valentine's Day

*Monday February 14, 2011*

It’s been almost two weeks since I last cut and that was when Louis stopped me. It’s been hard; especially when I’m alone at night and have a strong urge to but I’ve distracted myself. Louis found out some things that are known to help with replacing self-harm for something else. Things like running and exercise, drawing on yourself where you would cut, throw soft things at the wall hard, drawing, write, taking a hot shower, and some other things. As stupid as they may sound, they have helped me. My urges are still very strong and I’ve almost broke a few times, but I really am trying. It’s something that as much as I hate that I do it; is hard to stop because it’s what I’ve found release and security in and to let that go makes me feel uncomfortable but I’ve had Lou here as well to replace for some of that security. I’ve always felt alone and it reality; I was. But now I have Louis and I don’t know what I ever did to deserve him, but I just know that he is the best thing to ever come into my life. He has quite literally saved my life and has loved me. That’s all I’ve ever wanted, someone to love me unconditionally and he does for some crazy reason.

I’m really excited for tonight; it’s Valentine’s Day and Louis insisted that he take me out to dinner. I told him that he didn’t have to do that for me; but he wouldn’t take that as an answer! I don’t know where we’re going; he told me it’s a surprise but to dress up a bit. He doesn’t have to do anything special for me; he’s already done so much that I can never repay him for it.

Most of my bruising from my dad that day has gone away lucky and I can cover the cut on my forehead up with makeup pretty well. I’m still insecure though about wearing a dress tonight because I still have a few light bruises on my calves and I just don’t want anyone to think anything about me. I’m going to really try and honestly not focus on that and just have a good time with Lou. I should probably go get ready so I’ll write about it all I get home probably!

I had a really, really nice night; it wasn’t anything “special” but that’s why it was nice if that makes sense. I just felt like a normal couple with him and not the troubled girlfriend. We were just a couple that went out on a date and had a nice time. I know that probably sounds stupid but it really meant a lot to me.  I can’t describe how grateful for and how lucky I actually am to have Louis as a boyfriend. He has been the absolute best thing in my life. Not only has he been here for absolutely and literally everything but he adds on to that daily it seems. So he came and picked me up and luckily my dad wasn’t home so didn’t see me dressed up! I had a feeling that it was just going to be a good night; and it really was. Louis cleans up really well. He had on dark black jeans with a white t-shirt, denim jacket, and black jacket over it with his hair styled up; he looked really good. I had on a simple white dress that hit mid-thigh; the bottom was tool and the top had like a lacy flower pattern on it and I wore a simple necklace with some flats and my hair lightly curled. I haven’t worn a dress in quite a while so at first I wasn’t that comfortable when I changed just because I don’t like to show off a lot. Not that the dress does but I normally need to cover up some sort of bruise that I wear jeans most times. (A/N: Picture on the side)

“Wow.” He said as I walked towards him; he was standing at his car in front of the passenger door waiting for me. “W-What?” I asked nervously not really knowing what to say in response. A million thoughts were going through my head. Maybe this isn’t good enough. I should have worn something different. My bruises are probably really noticeable aren’t they? “You look so beautiful” He said smiling at me before kissing my forehead sweetly. He actually thought that, that I looked beautiful?! I couldn’t help the smile that grew quickly on my face at his compliment. “Thanks babe, you don’t clean up to bad yourself ya know?” I winked jokingly as he opened the door for me before getting into the car himself; driving off.

We drove up to an elegant restaurant that neither of us had ever been before. It was really pretty inside. We had a nice conversation throughout the night just enjoying one another’s company. There was one part of it though that was special to me. After a moment of us both just eating I quite randomly said as he was sipping his drink; “thank you Louis”. “You don’t have to thank me babe, I wanted to okay? I love you.” He said as he put his glass down and reached over the table to intertwine one of my hands with his. “I love you too. And I’m saying it not just for dinner and tonight; but for everything you’ve done for me Lou. You’ve helped me more than I think you even realize. I feel like you’ve honestly saved my life and gave me back a purpose.” “Really? Are you serious? I didn’t realize you felt like that. I’ve honestly just been doing what I thought I should because I love you and just want to help you Al.” “And that’s exactly what I needed. I needed someone to love me. Wow, that probably sounds so selfish and stuff wow” I said practically interrupting myself before Louis actually did. “Stop it; it didn’t sound selfish at all ok? Just continue what you were saying.” He said smiling, giving my hand a light squeeze. I gave him a confirming smile as thanks before continuing. “I just needed someone to show me that they cared and could love me for who I am. I’ve never felt more comfortable with anyone else and I’ve never felt more accepted or wanted from anyone else. You accepted me with all of my grief as if it was no big deal; as if it wasn’t a burden to carry on. You’ve never treated me like I was someone that needed to be sent somewhere. You’ve treated me like your girlfriend and not someone that you feel sorry for. You treat me like there’s nothing wrong with me. You have loved me unconditionally and that’s why I was saying thank you.” He sat there a short moment before replying. “I treat you like there’s nothing wrong with you because there isn’t. Everything you deal with isn’t who you are; they are just things that you deal with. I love Allie; and you are Allie. I don’t see you as anything else than that; if that makes any sense. I don’t want you to ever think that I see you as someone that I have to deal with or any shit like that because I’m here with you because I want to do just that; be here with you.” He said lifting up my hand to lightly kiss my knuckles.  The rest of the night was really sweet. We just continued finishing our dinner before we went to a park nearby for a walk and then he taking me home. At the park he gave me a rose gold necklace with a four leaf clover charm on it. I really love it and plan on keeping it on and not taking it off; it’s small and short so goes with anything. He was so sweet when he gave it to me; telling me that we were both each other’s good luck charms.

Tonight was exactly what I’ve needed; I’ve been having a hard past couple of days. But Louis can always change that around and remind me of reasons to be happy. I love him.

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