An Unexpected Love

Chapter 8: Does he really?

*Friday January 28, 2011*

 Louis and I had our one month last week; and I couldn’t be more grateful for him. He really has been there for me through everything. So at school I’ve been trying to not listen to all the rumors and bullying and some days have been easier than others. Yesterday I was having a really low day; I hadn’t really slept the night before because my dad was making so much noise downstairs, I ended up cutting that morning, and my depression was just really overwhelming me. I still haven’t told Louis about the fact that I cut; but I will soon I think. I really want him to know; I don’t want to keep that from him, I’m just  a bit scared. But anyway, back to yesterday. So every morning Louis has met me outside of school before class; he said that he doesn’t want me walking in alone anymore. I told him that it was okay, but he’s insisted and it honestly has made it better not being alone. I went and found Louis and he could tell something was wrong; so I told him how I had had a rough night and wasn’t looking forward to facing people. He wrapped his arms around me and I buried my head in his chest. “I’m sorry Al” he said rubbing my back before continuing. “just remember that I’m here and you find me whenever you need me okay?” He told me before grasping my hand as we walked into the school. His reassurance honestly made me feel better and gave me a little bit of confidence to face the day. That was until Olivia walked up to the two of us. She was surprisingly alone, she normally has her little ‘poise’ around with her following her every move.

“You know just because you’re fucking her doesn’t mean you need to walk around with her. Or is she paying you to do that?” Olivia said in her snarky little voice. All that confidence quickly left and I was feeling helpless to defend myself.

“Don’t you ever talk to her or about her like that! Ever.” He barked back at her. I was shocked.

“Calm down, you don’t need to get so defensive over her, she’s nothing important, just everyone’s slut.” She responded

“She is not, she happens to be my girlfriend. I’m telling you again, don’t talk about her like that. She is not a slut and never has been.” He paused “You know if you think she’s a slut I want to know what we would classify you as because everyone knows that you’re the real one and have done it with any guy you can.” He sassed back at her.

“Whatever.” She said rolling her eyes before walking away. She seemed a bit shocked at his accusations; even though they were very true.

“Are you alright?” He asked turning to me holding my arms and looking right in my eyes.

“You didn’t have to do that; thank you.” I said. “Yes I did, I told you that I will protect you whenever I can. I can’t believe her; where does she get the idea that she can just say anything she likes about you. I care about you so much and I hate seeing her hurt you like she does. Allie, you don’t deserve her treating you like that; you don’t have to thank me okay? I love you and want you to know you’re wanted.” He had just told me that he loved me; me, he loved me. I stood there in shock for a moment before stuttering out; “Y-You do? M-Me?” I said looking back into his eyes.

“Yea, I do Al. I love you. I didn’t mean to blurt it out just now at school, I wanted to tell you in a better way and place but” I cut him off though kissing him. I loved him to; I really did. “It’s okay, I don’t care. I love you too.” I said smiling back at him with my arms around his neck.

“Really? Because don’t feel like because I said it you have to because you don’t, it’s okay if you don’t really, it is.” He went on rambling quickly.

“Yes, I do I promise; I love you. I have to get to class; I’ll see you at lunch okay?” He kissed me once more before we both headed off to our classes.

I know we’ve only been together for a little over a month but in the past month we have spent nearly every day together and I really do love him.  Now that I know he loves me I think I can tell him. Tell him about my cutting, but how? I don’t want to ruin anything between us; I don’t want to scare him away. But I have a feeling that he won’t leave me if I tell him. And really, I’m tired of dealing with it alone; I know I need help and I can’t help myself. Louis would help me if he knew and I don’t think he’d be mad, I think he would just want to help me. At least I hope so, if he doesn’t and he leaves me I’m not sure what I’ll do. I think that I now need him in my life; as if he’s a necessity. I know I probably sound ridiculous, and maybe I am. But all I know is that my life has happiness in it because of him. And to me, that’s all that matters.

Maybe I’m crazy to think that someone will actually be able to continue and love me. I mean, no one has stuck around before. But there’s just always been something about Louis that’s made him different from everyone else.  It’s scary; terrifying actually that the person who means the most to you and is what is holding you together could just disappear. Just the thought of that kills me. So yes, maybe I’m crazy to think he’ll stay but I can’t think about him not staying. If I think about it too much, I won’t be able to handle it.

I think I’ve made up my mind.

I’ll tell him tomorrow…

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