Thief (n.g.)

Chapter 50

I freeze for a moment.

"What... did you just say?" I ask to clarify what I think I heard.

He takes a deep breath and looks around as if someone just punched him in the face and he was trying to hold in the screams.

"You fucked it up, okay?" He admits. Well the way he said it, sounds like a confession.

"What?" I ask in confusion.

"The plan, Babe, the plan. You fucked it up... The only thing in life I had scheduled, that I had planned, you fucked up." He blames me.

It makes me mad that he's blaming me for something I don't even know about.

"What are you talking about?" I scoff.

"I wasn't supposed to love anyone but myself, Babe.... Ya know life was pretty decent without you. I had no worries, always went with the flow, and all had to remember... was don't  fall in love. In fact, let's pretend love doesn't exist at all..."

I don't respond.

The wind blows harder then gradually slows. I cross my arms as I walk down to the dock and he continues.

"But now look at me, I feel guilty, I worried about you like this whole fucking time, even when I didn't want to...." He shakes his head. “I swore to myself, I wouldn't let go... and I did again."

I sigh. I can't help but feel sympathy for the blue eyed boy before me, but he isn't all innocent, and I know that.

"What's the difference between holding on with Beth, and holding on with me?"

He pauses a moment as he learns to understand my question.

"Well, I guess with Beth, I was kind of letting myself slip."

"And then?"

"I got hurt?"

"Yeah. Now tell me about holding on with me."

"I was trying my hardest to hold on."

"Then?"

"You got hurt." He says looking shamelessly at the ground.

"What's similar about them both, Nash?"

He ponders over the idea forever almost. I know Nash well enough to know he would have guessed by now if he knew.

"Both times you never let go..."

He stares at me and just blinks for almost a full minute.

"Nash, the first girl you were confused with, the second you were lost, and the third your map was just upside down.. I honestly hope the fourth helps lead you in the right path…Good luck, Nash."

"So what?" He says in a frustrated tone. "You're going to walk out just like Beth, just like my mom?"

"I'm not walking out, I'm doing what you should of." I explain.

"Oh yeah? And what's that?"

"I'm letting go... " I start to turn so I can go on another one of my thinking walks. “Just a different way."

I start to walk. It kind of hurts that I had to let him down like that. In fact it was kind of like letting myself down in a way. I didn't really not want to be with him.

"Babe." He says and his hand comes in contact with my shoulder.

I sigh as I turn to face him. Why does he keep making this harder? Why won't he just leave me alone?