Silence and Sins

The Blood in my veins.

You promised me that morning on the motorbike,
when you dropped me to school- I was just a child.
but I believed you when you said you'll try and change,
for me- I didn't think about how easily you spoke that line.
I was probably too satisfied,
for my hero was going to come back to life.

You promised me that morning
you'll come back home soon,
when I asked," when am I gonna see you again?"
I hoped it was soon .
It was the day after the fight,
when I saw you trying to strangle  my mother with your hand.
I never talked to you that night, I was with mum
trying to be brave for her and replaying that picture in my little head.

The following morning that you left,
when you told me you'd come back for me,
I didn't wanna speak to you, I was so mad,
I wanted to yell at you but I didn't know how.
Coz all my life I was only taught how to love,
poor little me mistook your choice for your mistake,
despite the chaos I still wanted to see your face,
but you never looked back after that, 
not for me, not for him, and not for the woman who loved you endless.

Now as I stand here fighting with her,
even when I know I'm wrong,
I don't wanna see her cry yet,
I can't seem to stop my pathetic self.
It seems that I'm punishing everyone around me,

...Or am I just punishing myself?

Is it all really my fault?

I wonder sometimes about what she thinks of me?
Does she know how fucked up my thoughts are?
Can she imagine just how far I've gone?
will she be happy when she finds out,
that her daughter's not what she thought?
I do it all to please her,
keep up the facade, cover up so perfect
but I slip sometimes.
Coz it's hard to pretend.

But most of all,
I've still got your blood in my veins.

I hate it.

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