That weird kind of feeling

6.0

He placed his lips on mine, my heart thudded hard as he held my shoulders tightly, and I kissed back. I just wanted a moment, just one moment where he loved me... just one tiny moment where I felt like this stupid mate thing wasn't just here to torture me.

The kiss was nice, it was one of the best feelings in the world, but the dread that followed was the worst. I was dreading the inevitable 'this doesn't change anything'. He wouldn't be my mate. He'd stay as my brother, there to break my heart every moment I spent around him.

Which is why I needed to leave... to run away from my problems like dad did. Let him have the life he wanted. I wanted to find my father... and live somewhat peacefully in a world without kara... even if he was all I wanted. Because I can't have him. He couldn't be mine.

So I pulled away.

"I need to go." I mumbled and turned my head to the side so he couldn't dazzle me with another kiss. "I'm not staying here..."

"And why is that..." he asked and I swear, I have never given him more of a disbelieving look.

"Kara- have you listened to me at all?! You're my mate!" I groaned and he rolled his eyes.

"Then just find another one?"

"It doesn't work like that! Oh my god you're such an idiot! Why don't you listen!" I started crying. "You were made for me! Not for that stupid slut you find pleasure in! The moon made you for me! I am leaving, because you don't love me! You don't want to be my mate, so I'm going to find my father." I was so frustrated and I honestly just hated all of this.

"You're going to find your father?" He asked raising a brow. Technically still, we had the same father... but part of me had a different father to him. It must've been confusing for him, but it still hurt me either way. So I slumped onto my bed and nodded. "But this father is your cat father who isn't... my father?" He frowned and I nodded again, letting him put it all together.

"Then I'm coming too."

I should've stopped him there.

"No! No you aren't! Okay what did I just say?" I pinched the bridge of my nose. Mate or not, I really wanted to hit him right now, like really, wanted to hit him.

"That you wanted to find your father. Who could be anywhere in Japan, I'm not letting my little brother go around Japan alone!"

"I don't care about that! Kara! What was the other part! Think with whatever is left of that fucking brain!" I was getting a headache. The boner was long gone. One way to beat the heat was mass amounts of frustration, Kara was a pretty good fix.

"You're leaving." I nod. "To find your father?" I nod and gesture for him to explain why I want to find my father. "And you're doing that because... the moon told you... I'm you're mate... and I'm dating someone so you need to leave?"

"Close enough."

"But that makes no sense! You don't have to leave!" He sat on the ground and held his head.

"Kara! Holy crap! Listen to me!"

"I am!"

"I'm leaving because it will kill me to watch you and your girlfriend have a happy relationship that I want with you!"

"But if I come with you to find your father... kou won't be coming..."

"Kara I'm not coming back." I sigh and rub my face. The heat was starting up yet again.

"Well you're still going all the way around Japan... you can't do that alone... I'm coming with you until you find him at least... im still your brother... I need to take care of you..." I looked at him, about to protest again, but the look on his face was worrried and truthful. I knew I wouldn't win this fight.

"Fine. You know what. What ever. You can come. Now get out of my room and go pack."

"Why do I need to get out of your room?"

"Because I'm hard and you aren't helping." I mumbled blushing. Kara raised his hands and walked out.

"I could -"

"Don't! Don't say it you'll make it worse..." I groaned and hugged my knees, burrowing my face into them. "Just go pack your bags and I'll... fix this..." this was so embarrassing...