Similarities and Differences

The Woman

Monday, August 7

If you haven't read Friday or Saturday's entry, the run down is: I have this new friend, Whitney, a single mom, and we have already talked about dating, but I don't want to date anyone yet because I don't think that's the best thing for Ava. Ava is good friends with Whitney's daughter, Rose. I don't want to mess with their friendship.

Whitney called me up today, wanting to know if we wanted to hang out tonight, but I knew Ava would wanna watch the season finale of The Bachelorette. In June, some of you may remember when Ava threw a fit at Uncle Mike and Aunt Jen's house because they wouldn't let her watch The Bachelorette. I know it's a dirty show for a nine-year-old, and I know it's horrible that I let her watch it. Don't judge me. The point is that she loves that show, and I know she has to watch it every Monday night if at all possible. At least, I'm not sheltering her, and she knows it's a dumb show. She knows that dating 25 men or women isn't the way to find your spouse.

I just knew I couldn't make plans with Whitney because of  the finale. And honestly, I didn't wanna see her after Saturday night. She tried to make me switch Ava's school just so she would be able to watch Ava after school because she thinks Ava needs more of a motherly figure. First of all, I barely know the woman. Second, that's just rude. Third, I've done pretty well when it comes to Ava. When people tell me she needs a motherly figure, it reminds me that I'm never going to be good enough for her. I don't need to hear that. Nothing is going to replace her mother who already left her. But I will continue to do my best.

And then on Saturday, she started talking to me about things I just don't like talking about.

"Why can't you hang out tonight?" Whitney asked as we were talking on the phone after I had told her that we couldn't tonight.

I was downstairs, working on something for school, and Ava was upstairs in her room, playing. I know Ava has overheard me talking on the phone down here before because it's only a split level house, and her room is right below my office. Because of that, I kept my voice low.

"Well, Ava is watching the finale of The Bachelorette, and that's her favorite show."

"You let your nine-year-old watch The Bachelorette?" Every time I tell someone that, they ask that exact question, I swear.

"Yeah, I do." I just own my parenting decisions, even if they aren't the right way to go about things.

"Me too." That made me feel better. "Rose loves that show, probably because of her name."

For those of you who don't know, the lead person gives out roses to whoever is staying at least for another week on the show.

I laughed a little. "I bet."

"Well, then maybe we can all get together to watch it."

I was not about to agree to watching The Bachelorette. Never.

"Nah, maybe another time. I'm not into that show."

"How about I take Ava for the night then, and you have a night to yourself?"

That did sound nice, but I don't want her to get too close to Ava yet. We barely know her.

"Ummm, we live so far away, and it's a lot of driving. It's not like we haven't seen each other lately."

"You don't want Ava to hang out with us?" She said as if it was a joke, but she was serious, I could tell.

"No, no," I lied. "It's not like that." It's exactly like that.

"Why are you so scared to get so close to us? What are you hiding?" The woman is even blunter than I am.

I took in a deep breath. I had two options here. Make up lies that didn't make sense or tell the truth that didn't make sense.

"I don't want you to come into Ava's life, and then for whatever reason, leave. When I was little, my mom would always get close to a guy, and just when I thought I could trust him, something always fell through. I guess I'm very careful about who I place in Ava's life because of that. I want her to have a good role model, but I just don't know who to trust." Being this open about trust really tested my trusting skills.

"Thank you for being honest. I hope you know that I really commend you for being that protective of Ava, but at the same time, you have to still take risks with people. I'll give you time, and if you're not comfortable with getting to close to me in a relationship, that's fine. We don't even have to talk about having a relationship anymore, but I would strongly encourage you to find at least one strong woman for Ava because she'll be going through puberty soon, and she's not going to want to talk you about that kind of stuff." I know she meant this all in a genuine way.

"I know, and I have known that for a very long time. We should definitely have the girls hang out sometime before school starts though." I had to be careful about what I said about a relationship just in case Ava was listening.

"Okay, but not tonight."

"Yeah, not tonight."

"Okay, well, I'll talk to you later then."

"Sounds good."

"Bye."

"Bye."

I hung up.

Then Ava ran down the stairs, opening her arms. I was sitting in my office chair, that was actually turned towards the stairs. I opened my arms without thinking much about it, kind confused why she was suddenly down there. Then I realized. Neither one of us said anything, but she just hugged me.