Similarities and Differences

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Thursday, August 10

Uncle Mike called me up today, asking me if I wanted to grab coffee at a shop near my school. Mike's church was having a day a fun day for kids, so I was planning on letting Ava go to that because if she can make some friends at church, that would be fantastic.

Mike is one of those people who I didn't like until I got to know him. I know he's a genuine man. His kids don't see the real him, and I don't even think his church sees the real him. Mike has been through a lot more than people know. I mean, he blames himself for my mom's screw ups, which he shouldn't. Unfortunately, we have bonded over it. I rather have bonded over sports or something less deep.

We met at this new coffee shop. They are in the older part of the town, and it feels like a small town in that area. I walked in the shop and saw Mike talking to the guys at the counter. Mike looked at me, and said, "And this is my nephew, Steven. He's from Alabama, new to town."

"Hey," I said shyly.

Mike talks to everyone.

"What can I get for you?" the man asked.

I looked at menu, and looked at Mike. "Is it bad that I've only been to a coffee shop twice in my life?"

The guy behind the counter laughed a little. "I mean, considering the fact you're from Alabama, I think you're fine, but if you were from Seattle, I think that would be a different story."

I smiled a bit. "I'll take a frappe or whatever they're called. And I need as much coffee as possible in it."

They honored that. Thank God. I didn't get to sleep until late last night because I was busy filming and editing my YouTube video. The people there were so friendly. It reminded me of my small town in Alabama.

When Mike and I sat down at a table, he looked at me, and asked. "So, how's life?"

I think Mike thinks I need a mentor or something, and now, I kind of agree with him. I also don't think my real dad has earned that. I know that's kind of a vulgar thing to say, but I don't think my dad has earned the right to know my struggles. Mike has.

"Fine. You?"

Some days I'm shyer than other days. After reading back though my blogs entries yesterday, I've realized how tight Mike and I really are, and that's so cool, but at the same time, I've realized how embarrassed I am about how much he knows. I think we, especially as men, just hate opening up because society expects us to be tough all the time. Yeah, I don't think we need to be open with every single person we meet, but we need to learn how to be vulnerable with a few people in order to get past the things that eat at us. Everyone has those things that they don't want anyone else to know.

"Good." He tilted his head. "Have you talked to your dad lately?"

I nodded. "Yeah, he's driving up here tomorrow, and then we are going to his lake house in Minnesota. Ronda is going to watch Ava until Sunday evening, when we'll get back."

"Just you and him?"

"Yup."

"What are you going to do up there?"

"Don't know yet, but he said probably go fishing."

"I don't think you realize how much it means to him that you're willing to spend time with him," Mike said as I pressed my lips together. "Honestly, as your uncle, watching you struggle so much, and then finding out there could've been a solution is tough for me to watch."

I stirred my frappe that was a little too strong. I don't like coffee that much. "I mean, part of me hates him for not being there, but at the same time, if I had just grown up with his support, I probably wouldn't have been able to help so many students. I helped encourage so many kids who had similar stories, ya know?" I shook my head a little. "But at the same, that doesn't change the fact that I can't give Ava everything, ya know? I wish more than anything I wasn't the one raising her only because she does need a mother. I can't give that to her. I'm so thankful to have her, but I'm not enough for her, and that's what I struggle with." I opened up way more than intended there.

Mike looked like he was trying to remain stoic, but he was misty. "Wow. You really think that you're not enough for Ava? That's what you're worried about? And you really think that?"

I bit my lip, looking down. "I don't want her to live the same childhood I did."

"She isn't. You're doing a fantastic job."

I looked at him. "Jen said it herself. My friend Whitney said it. Ava needs a mother. Don't get me wrong--"

"Steven, yes, she needs strong women in her life, but she has a parent who is completely dedicated to her. She knows that."

I gave him a weak smile, not really knowing what to say. "Thanks, Mike."

"She misses you when you aren't around, and I think it's because she knows that you genuinely want her around." I laughed a little, but that meant a lot. "You don't give yourself enough credit."

I shrugged a little, taking a sip. "You just know the right thing to say at the right time."

He shook his head. "No, I don't. I'm just honest." I know he meant that.