Mad love. (Part one)

Cheese fingers!

**Trigger warning (Dysphoria and self harm)**

(Tyler)

Josh took a few bites out of his crunch wrap as I ate my nacho dip covered chips. Josh scooted closer to me. He smiled at me awkwardly. 

"Hi" I giggled and dipped the tip of my finger into the dip. I giggled more and started to laugh as his eyes widen.

"What are you doing with that Tyler?" He laughed nervously scooting away, I got on my knees and waddled to him. 

"nothing" chuckling I waddled faster reaching my hand out to Josh. He stood up and ran to the woods. I got off my knees and ran after him. Laughing he looked back at me.

"No Tyler! stahp!" He was laughing.   Before entering the woods he turned away running back to the food. What is he doing?. He grabbed the dip and stuck the tip of his pointer finger and ring finger into the dip. 

"No Joshua!" He laughed and ran towards me, I turned away and began to run. I felt an arm wrap around my torso. 

"Aha!" Josh laughed and pulled me close to him. His chest was against my back, I struggled against him laughing. His arm wrapped around me tighter. I stopped struggling, I like how his arm feels around me. His hand gripping my side as I feel his chest against my back. We stood there panting.

"Cheese fingers!" Josh laughed as he dragged his fingers across my face. Nose to cheek on each side. I didn't even struggle or fight against him. I was too tired and I was enjoying being in his arms. 

"Tyler?" He sounded confused. I turned to him and looked up at his handsome face.

"Yes, Joshua?" I reached my finger with the dip on it and dragged it across his left cheek giggling. He smiled down at me laughing weakly out of breath.

"Nothing" His hand slowly raised up my left side, left arm and neck to my cheek. His hand felt so warm and soft but rough. Tilting my head against his hand I looked down at his chest blushing. Is this real? am I in a dream?!. Please let this be real. I looked down his arm. I saw the cuts and scars. I turned my head closer to his arm and kissed what looked like a new cut. 

"Why do that?" Josh's voice was weak and sad. I looked at him, he looked back at me. His eyes are filled with confusion and sadness. He seems like he is a very broken person. Oh, Joshua.

"kisses always help" I smiled up at him. The sadness in his eyes left but the confusion stayed.

"Why care?" the sadness returned. 

"Why care Josh?" I held his hand and sat down on the grass. Josh sat down with me and looked deep into my eyes. He nodded looking at our hands. 

"I may not know completely what you feel but I can understand how much pain you feel, I feel some of it too". I pulled my sleeve up showing my shoulder revealing my cuts and scars. 

"Do you deal with dysphoria?" I looked into Josh's eyes as his hand reached out to my shoulder. His fingers gently traced my cuts and scars. He shook his head no.

"Do you know what it is?"

"No" 

"well ill tell you" He nodded and moved closer to me, his head leaned towards my shoulder. His warm lips pressed against my shoulder on one of my cuts gently, his lips moved to another. His lips gave me waves of pleasure. God, I'm happy mom and dad are at work. 

"It's when you are unhappy with your body. You may be a transgender and feel not like the gender you're transitioning to. It gives me anxiety and depression. Not all transgender women and men, boys and girls have it. But a lot do, I'm a trans male. I haven't had any surgery but I'm on testosterone." I started to feel shaky and scared

"Dysphoria is not all the time for me but I get it a lot" I sighed shakily 

"Well, you're a boy to me." He was kissing my neck now. 

"Joshua" I whimpered. 

"I'm sorry" He pulled away from my neck.

I looked at him. He held my hand and looked down.

"Why?". 

"I kissed your neck" He twisted my ring on my finger.

"so? I whimpered because I liked it" He started to giggle.

"Really?" He looked at me smiling.

"Mhm, shall we go inside and finish lunch?."