Mad love. (Part one)

It will be okay.

**Trigger warning (Self Harm, suicide talk, blood)**

**Hey guys I'm sorry I have not been posting a lot. My boyfriend and I have been having a hard time again. Thankfully we are planning a long-term relationship together we fixed our problems. Anyway, hope you enjoy a lot of the future chapters will have a lot of personal emotion put into it. Lots of love**

(Josh)

Tyler and I stumbled into the house as we kissed each other deeply. I kicked the door shut as I lifted Tyler up, he wrapped his legs around my waist. I walked to the wall beside the door and pressed him against it. He ran his fingers through my hair as I kissed his neck. My cuts from last night burned my forearm. I looked down making sure my arm was covered, It was Tyler struggled to pull my shirt off. I pressed him harder against the wall as I pinned his arms against the wall. He chuckled as he kissed me deeply.

"If he finds out you cut he will be broken you ass hole!"  Voice number one yelled. I closed my eyes and tried to ignore him as Tyler's soft lips kissed mine,  I smiled a bit as he leaned towards me. I walked to the couch and laid him down, he shooked his head no as he stood up in front of me.

"To our room?" Tyler's hand gently grabbed my forearm with the cuts. I winced a bit at the pain, then Tyler pulled the sleeve up before I could stop him. I looked down. 

"Why Joshua, We have been working on his." Tyler sighed as his fingers gently rubbed over my cuts.

"The voices... Got worse... Kira won't leave me alone.." I looked past Tyler, I don't want to look into his eyes. I feel ashamed, I promised him I would never cut but these voices... are so bad and Kira won't go away. 

**Flash Back**

I slid down the bathroom wall crying, I locked myself in the bathroom for just in case Ty and his parents came home from the store, they offered me to go but I lied and said I felt sick. 

"Die, Die, Die!" Kira screamed as he knocked the shampoo off the shelf. I covered my ears as I screamed. The blade was on the floor by me. He chuckled and smacked my head. I jerked to the side. 

"Kill yourself, Do it!, You fucking coward do it!" His voice shook the walls. I grabbed the blade and raised my wrist. I pressed it on my forearm I sobbed, spit slowly fell down my chin as I sobbed. The voices whispered loudly I couldn't make out what they were saying. 

"Slide that blade down your fucking arm" He growled into my ear then disappeared. I sobbed as I turned the blade sideways and cut from side to side on my forearm. I was so numb the feeling was a relief. I did five lines as I sobbed blood covered my arm, I stood up and took my clothes off. I walked to the bathtub and turned the water on. I put the plug in the drain and waited for the water to fill up. I didn't cut enough to kill myself but I like to take baths after mental breakdowns the water soothes me. Even though it burns my cuts, watching the blood swirl off into the water makes me relax and I don't know why.  I turned off the water steamed rolled off the water, I stepped into the bath and slowly sat down keeping my forearm out of the water. I leaned back so my back was against the bath. I slowly put my bloody arm into the water, the blood swirled off of my arm. The water burned my cuts as I cried watching the blood turning the water red. 

*Flashback ends*

Tyler hugged me as I cried softly he pulled back and looked at me. 

"It will be okay." He smiled softly then kissed my lips softly. I gripped his waist with my hands as he kissed deeper.  His hands slipped into my pants the front door opened and Tyler quickly moved his hand. 

I looked back to see mom looking down at her phone I looked back at Tyler as he chuckled softly. I smiled at him and walked to our room, depression washed over me as I started to cry silently. I heard Mom and Tyler laugh.

"Mom!" Tyler giggled loudly as I shut the door, I climbed into bed Lilly was laying on the end of the bed. I pulled the blanket over my shoulders and sobbed softly, I want to die, I want to fucking die. I felt Lilly's cold nose nudge my arm, I lifted my arm and she laid down I laid my arm down and rubbed her stomach as I cried myself to sleep thinking of how I would kill myself if I ever got the chance.