Feel the Fire (Yoonseok) ✔

Chapter 40

With a heavy heart and a lump in his throat Hoseok knocked on the door. The sound echoed through the empty hallway. No response came from the other side, the sorcerer hadn't expected anything else, even Jin's roommate had trouble getting into their dorm.

"Jin, it's me." Hoseok softly spoke, yet loud enough for his hyung on the other side to hear. There was still no answer, no sign of recognition. "can I come in?" 

For a moment there was once again silence. After what sounded like a sigh footsteps came from behind the door. Only a second later it swung open.

In the door opening stood a worn out man. The dark bags under his eyes contrasted with his extremely pale skin, he almost looked sick. His shoulders were dropped just as his expression. All hope and love seemed to be drowned from his eyes as more tears ran out of them. He didn't even bother to wipe them away. The clothes he was wearing were wrinkled and only put on with half an attempt it seemed. His hair was unkempt as was the rest of his body. Jin was very much falling apart at the seems.

"What do you want?" The elder asked eyeing the other's much healthier form. His voice was broken and hoarse, almost as if a lump in his throat was keeping him from speaking up.

"The others are worried about you, so I came to talk." Hoseok said softly. There was a kind smile displayed on his face, it seemed to make Jin almost guilty. 

The elder just nodded and stepped aside moving the door with him. Hoseok gave him a thankful smile and walked in. The room was just as much a mess as the inhabitant himself, or at least one side was. It was a clear indicator that Jin had hardly left the room for a while.

Hoseok didn't blame him. If his will to stop others from worrying about him wasn't as strong he would be just the same. He would just be locked away, living a life of nothing but solitude and loneliness for the time being only to make those feelings stronger for no particular reason other than the gut-wrenching guilt inside of him that was waiting to swallow him alive. They both felt the need to hide away and be alone, only the outcome was different.

The two man sat down side by side on the bed, silence covering the room. Nothing broke it except for Hoseok's fingers ticking a nervous rhythm on his thigh and Jin's laboured breathing. After what seemed like an eternity the elder sighed and spoke up.

"You're here to talk, aren't you?" He asked looking at his friend. "then why aren't you saying anything?"

Hoseok let out a sad chuckle. "I don't know." He muttered. "I guess for the first time in forever I genuinely don't know what to say." The sorcerer added. 

He stopped tapping on his leg and instead clasped his shaking hands together. He hadn't cried in days, so why were there small tears running down his cheeks now?

"I'm sorry about your parents." The sorcerer said in a clearer voice. 

Jin took a deep breath to keep himself from breaking down mid-sentence. "They were kind people.." He started in a low and cracking voice. "they wouldn't hurt anyone, Hoseok. When the army came they probably didn't fight." 

The calmness and reason in his voice told Hoseok that Jin had been thinking about it a lot, just like him. There were probably many scenarios in his head about how things might've gone, all ending in blood.

"They probably didn't run either. They had nowhere else to go, nowhere else to be. That village was their life, they didn't know anything else." Jin said his voice getting more broken as his words went on. "which God decided that they deserved this?" The man asked, more to himself than to anyone else.

"Must've been Satan." Hoseok said trying to joke some of the tears away, it only emitted a low chuckle from the elder.

"Must've been." He agreed in a soft tone. 

Hoseok looked at the ground and thought it over. Which other God could be responsible? Which God would let innocent people die by the hands of barbarians? Which God would let kind people hurt until their anything but graceful and worthy deaths? Which God would let their children feel how their childhood and family were ripped away from them by rusty swords and torches? There was no God in this world, no one to blame for the horrors but the people themselves. 

"I'm sorry about your father." Jin suddenly spoke. "he was a kind and brave man, and he shouldn't have been outnumbered like this." 

Hoseok just nodded in response. His voice and willpower were too weak to speak, he knew any sound he would other would break into nothingness as soon as it left his throat, only allowing more tears to run down his face.

"And your sister..." Jin started immediately losing his track of words afterwards. He let out a sad chuckle, looking down at his shaking hands. A sob wracked his form, forcing him to take a deep breath a try again a few seconds later. "I don't even know what to say about her..." 

Hoseok looked up and met his friend's eyes. He could see the emptiness in them, hidden behind the redness and tears welling up in them. He had lost so much for no good reason at all, twice as much as him. He hadn't only lost a father and a mother, he had lost a lover. All his hopes and dreams for the future had been shattered without regrets.

Dawon's persuasion was the only reason he ever left the village, if it wouldn't have been for her he would've died with the rest of them. He cared about her so much, and it got brutally taken away, and he knew he would never get over it.

That's when Hoseok realised that the emptiness in Jin's eyes wasn't emptiness, no, it was an emotion much more poisonous; heartbreak. All emotions were only able to cause certain feelings, whilst heartbreak would cause anything. Wrath, sorrow, guilt, melancholy, all were clouding his mind and none were letting go easily. And there was nothing the younger could say to change it, but that didn't mean he wouldn't try.

"You know, if she would have to be with anyone, I would've been glad if it was you." Hoseok spoke softly and carefully. 

Jin looked back at him, sadness in his eyes. He swallowed deeply before speaking up. "I would've been proud if I was hers." The elder said before letting out a shaky breath. 

With one smooth yet cautious movement Hoseok pulled him in for a hug, letting his head rest on the taller male's shoulder. Tears wet each other's shirts, but neither of them cared. For a moment they just wanted to stay like that, useless tears spilling out of their eyes in mourning of their home. One cried for a sister, one cried for a lover, and neither ever stopped.

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We're all dying. In all honesty though, we've only got about twelve chapters left to go mates. Wowie.

Exclusive behind the scenes look on how to write a sad chapter when you've been procrastinating your writing on every book for several days;
1) Put on a song you have an emotional trauma for (probably a soundtrack)
2) Wait until it's dark outside 
3) Stare into the distance with a sad expression for a while
4) Overdose on all the drugs; mostly caffeine, sugar and sleep deprivation
5) Let all your sadness and anger at humanity pour out of you in passive aggressive words because that's the only way you can cope with things 
The end; you now have your very own badly written, sad chapter. You're welcome.