The Middle (GxG) (Sequel to The Beginning)

Chapter 53

-LYNN'S P.O.V-

"I'm scared."
   I wipe the tears that begin to fall harder. For her to continue.
"It's a constant fear. That you will leave again."
"I won't."
"But you did. And more than once. And I'm terrified, Lynn. I don't believe in divorces. So if you try and leave me again.."
"I won't." I felt myself begin to cry. "Is that what you think of me? Fear me?"
"I fear you leaving. Not fear of you."
"Isn't that the same? My own wife is going to live in fear that I will leave."
"It's not the same. The fear of you leaving is different. I have no other scares when it comes to you. Just losing you."
"What can I do? What can I do to prove it won't happen again?"
   And in this second I am scared that she will say the worse of things. Like to give her space, which isn't something I can do. Or that I already proved I would leave her again. Or... well my mind is jumping to worse.
"You already have. I made it clear if it happened again, I wouldn't be able to take it. And I won't be. I know you won't again."
"I won't. I swear on my own life. I won't."
"It's just a silly fear. It will pass."
    I pull her up into a tight hug.
"I'm a fuck up. And I don't deserve you."
"You are a fuck up. But you probably deserve better."
"If there is better than you, that's beyond shocking."
"Do we work tomorrow, boss?"
"Yeah."
"I wanna pull a double shift."
"You want to go in at 10 and leave at 10. Even for me that would be insane."
"Yeah but I want to. We do have a wedding to put on. And honeymoon."
"We will have enough. We have about 50 put back. And the wedding is only going to cost 30. Plus we have 6 months and a bonus to add to it. We will be okay."
"So I get to sleep in?"
"Yeah, Koala."
   Complete 180...again.
   She pulls from the hug and takes my lips with hers. I kiss back. A few kisses before it deepens. But I don't want to do anything until I know she is ready to give herself to me again... so I pull back.
"Pil"
   A loud thud from across the room scares us and interrupts her.
"I thought cats were suppose to land on their feet."
"Never Zeus."
   I get up and pick him up. "Come on, bubba. Let's go nini with mom." He meows. Daisy meows. "You two. I can't carry you both though."
   I walk over to the bed and put Zeus on the pillow beside ours. Daisy jumps up and lays with him.
"Now where were we? Right. You be pillow?"
"Yeah, Koala."
   I climb in bed and lay for her. She takes her pillowship throne, snuggling close to me.
"I'm sorry."
"You can stop apologizing."
"O..Okay...."
"Do you forgive me? For .."
"Yes." I forgave her for the Abby thing. I couldn't lose her and Abby was right...
"I already forgave you, Ly. So don't say sorry anymore. I just want to move on from it. I only told you because I didn't want you keep a secret. A lie. Last time I did tha" she stops herself.
   I hold her tightly. It's all I can do... because I'm a fuck up... And holding her is all I have.
"I really.. really.. wanna say it."
"Just say something else."
"Will you Marry me?"
"Yes, Ly. Always a yes."
"Apparently to tattoos."
"I actually like it, Ly."
"I do too, Koala."
"Much rather you have my name but.."
"Maybe one day, Koala."
"I was kidding."
"I wasn't."
"Okay."
"I love you, Jamie."
"I love you too, Ly."
"If it's anyone who leaves.. it will be you."
"Not a chance in hell."
"You have too big of a heart."
"So do you."
   Do I? I.. don't think I do... if I were so easily pissed to leave her... is my heart really that big?
"Yes you do. And Stop dwelling on the mistakes."
"I would say I hate it when you do that. But it has gotten me some good no"
"Good? That's sad."
"I mean great. No. Epic. No. Mind blowing. No.. I'm already dead from it."
"Shut up, Ly."
"Make me."
   She leans up and quickly takes my lips.
"MmsAGoodWay to shut someone up." I say against her lips.
"It's obviously not working."
"Nop"
   Her lips take mine in small kisses that she deepens quickly. I can't think right... But I won't unless she is ready.. But it's just kissing.. really.. deep kissing.
   Her tongue traces her initials against mine before they dance. I hum into the kiss. God I have missed her lips... I will never get the feeling of her.. cold..blue.. lips...
   Her hand goes from under the blanket, slowly up my side til she cups my cheek. The kiss lasts til we both are completely out of breath. Until we both are suffocating just for the attention.
   I just.. I want her but I know it's not the right time.
"That did the trick."
"It always does. And I love it. I love you, Jamie."
"Always?"
"I think I have a tattoo saying that."
   I actually love the tattoo. After seeing the video of us getting it, her holding my hand during and I holding her cast... which is funny... But still. It holds more meaning than you'd expect.
"Yes, I believe I have one too."
   I lean up and kiss her lips softly, she kisses back. It's not a deep kiss. But still filled with passion. Filled with my emotions and I can feel hers too.
  I really.. really want her. I want to take her right now. Taste her.
"Ly. I'm too tired for that."
"Oops." I bite my lip. Of course you can hear that.
"I really am too tired. It's not cause I don't want to. I do. I cried like a bitchbaby and now I'm tired."
"You are not a bitchbaby."
   She's not. And I'll wait til she's ready because right now, I know it's not the only reason why.
"You're right."
"I know I am. Just like you can hear my thoughts, as much as you try for me not to.. I can hear yours too."
"I'm sorry."
"Don't be. I understand."
"I am though."
"You have nothing to be sorry for. It's my fault."
"Let's not get into this? I think we've made ourselves clear to each other about it."
"Yes, I think so to."
"Can I have a kiss?"
"Why do you even ask, Koala?"
"It catches you off guard. You're blushing."
  I laugh. "You have a strong affect on me."
  She closes the small gap between us and captures my lips. Our lips lock for a few seconds before another kiss leads to many. The kiss deepens as she slips her tongue passed my lips.
   I love how her tongue feels... everywhere. The way she secretly does her initials across my tongue. Marking me in her own way. The kiss lasts for however long we can before both gasping for air.
"You make it so hard to breath."
"Sorry?"
"In a good way, Ly."
"Oh."
"Mhmm."
   She lays back down, her head laying in the nape of my neck, her favorite spot. She presses a kiss to my skin.
"Don't leave me, Koala."
"I have to.. there is a thing called sleep."
   I lightly nudge her and she giggles.
"I won't. Don't worry."
"Mm. Jamie." I whisper to her.
"Why do you do that?"
"Because it works and I know you're tired but are too stubborn to give in."
"Mhm."
"Jamie."
   She takes a deep breath.
"Jamie." I whisper softer.
"No." Her voice wavers.
"Jamie."
"Nn." Voice fading to not be able to speak fully.
"Jamie." I whisper a last time.
"I love you, Ly." It's the softest of whispers but I always hear it.
   I slowly am handing her over to sleeps arms while keeping her in mine. Soon he takes me too.
   No bad dreams. Or dreams at all. Just her heart beating. Her even breathing... just her.

"No."
"But we have to work."
"Jamie, don't make me."
"But we have to work."
"Koala."
"But we have to work."
"No."
"BUT WE HAVE TO WOOOORRRKKK"
"I have to do books and counting. And I don't want to."
"Pussy."
"I have one."
"And I love it."
"Don't play that game."
"I know. But we have to work."
"Quit saying that."
"But we hav"
"20 minutes. Just give me 20 minutes. Then we will shower and get ready. Just 20 fucking glorious minutes."
"I could give you 20 gl"
"I mean of sleep. I mean, I wouldn't mind that either but not right now."
   She laughs. It's a beautiful sound... beautiful. But I know she's not ready.
"Okay."
   She rests her head back down after setting an alarm. Fucking alarm. Gonna scare me I know it.
   20 minutes. I just wanted 20 minutes. I got them. But it wasn't enough.
   The alarm went off and I groaned loudly.
"NOOOOOOOO"
"Ly's being such a baby."
"Oh fuck off with that. I just simply want to lay here with my soon to be wife."
"Bad idea."
   She's quick to straddle my hips, our parts brushing each other.
"Please don't tease me."
"I wasn't meaning to." Her voice sounds off, as if she is about to cry.
I finally open my eyes to a teary eyed Jamie.
"Hey, my love, it's okay. I'm sorry...really sorry."
"You haven't done anything, Ly."
"Gods if that wasn't the biggest lie ever."
   A tear falls down her cheek, I'm quick to cup her face and wipe it.
"Please don't cry, baby. Please.."
   I don't think she will ever truly forgive me.. this is my punishment.. to watch the woman I love cry because I'm a dumbfuck that messed up more than once. I shouldn't have even gotten another chance. The first time, or second, much less third.
"You're scaring me, Jamie."
   Her eyes stay locked on to mine, they change colors to show sadness..regret..pain.... I lean myself up and pull her into a tight hug, she instantly buries herself in my neck.
"I fucked up so bad, Koala. Though you say you forgave me, there will always be apart of you that never will."
"No. It's not like that."
"You're scared shitless I am going to leave you. I'm scared shitless you will come to your senses and leave me or end up killing me for my fuck ups. I don't deserve you. I never did."
"It's not like that, Ly."
   I sigh. Of course it's like that. Of course it is.
"I just want you to be happy."
"I am happy.. well not when you cry.. But I am happy with you."
"And if I want to?" She hints to sexual.
"We will take it slow. There is no rush. No time limit. Whenever you're ready, My love, whenever you're ready."
"I'm trying."
"Here.. hold on."
   I pull back enough for her to look at me. I take my ring finger and show the tattoo.
"As long as this ink is permanently on my skin, I swear to you always and forever. I will never leave again."
"Tattoos fade."
"Then I will touch it up every time it gets faded."  I pause, searching in her eyes. "Please believe me... in the end, my love, it's me that needs you...not the other way around."
"You would have been fine."
"It wouldn't have been my first suicide attempt, Jamie. And of you left me, I would have kept trying until it worked.. because.." I wipe her tears. "I can't lose you, Jamie. I CAN'T lose you."
"I would never leave you."