The Middle (GxG) (Sequel to The Beginning)

Chapter 50

-JAMIE'S P.O.V-

   Forward from Abby:
~I don't fucking care of she is okay. She told me not to be mad at you, I'm not. I thought you should know though. She should have fucking told me. Who knows, she might be single. -Lynn.
   That's nice. Single life. Not going to live through it though. Abby forwarded the message to me. And called.
   I feel.. so... wrong right now. My head is so fucking fuzzy. I be had a constant fucking headache for weeks now.. doesn't matter, it'll be over soon.
   I answered.
"What the hell happened?"
"I know I didn't but I felt like I was cheating on her because I didn't tell her our feelings."
"You didn't cheat, Jamie."
"I know I didn't but I didn't tell her either."
"As much as I love you, I wouldn't allow you do ruin things with Lynn over me or anyone ever or in general."
"I want a good image in your eyes before I go."
"Go?"
"Yeah" I smile.
"You can't."
"I've made my mind up, Abby. It's just pointless. It will be okay. You have Mike. And Rose. And Zee. You don't need me."
"That's a lie. I do need you, you're my best friend."
"Zee is your new best friend then."
"You're not thinking clearly."
"But I am, Abby. I'm depressed. She doesn't care anymore, so why should I?"
"I FUCKING CARE"
"Don't worry. It will be okay."
"I'm calling her."
    She hangs up.
~Single.. that's nice. You can have your rings back.
   I cry but smile and send to Lynn. I take my..her rings off and place them on her pillow. Going to be her bed mor... or her new lovers bed more than mine.
~History repeats itself.
~Don't do anything stupid. I'm trying to talk to her. -Abby.
~What's the fucking point?
~The point is for you not to fucking leave her. Me. Your mom. Your family. -Abby.
~You know it's not worth it, Abby. :)
~DON'T DO ANYTHING STUPID. -Abby.
~It's only right.
~It's only right.
~She will never forgive me. If I'm lucky, maybe it will work this time.
~Jamie, please. I'm talking to her now. -Abby.
~She said I was single. Let her move on, Abby. It no longer matters. In a matter of hours I went from happy in love to depressed and ready to die. Almost sounds familiar.
~Would you leave the world knowing you could have a chance? -Abby
~LOL a chance? Not likely.
~She just needs to calm down. If she had feelings for Sam, probably would have done same. -Abby.
~It's different because my feelings are real verses a scenerio.
~Tell me, Abby. What's the point in waiting for something if it's not going to happen?
~I'm trying to talk to her. I'm trying. -Abby.
~Doesn't matter.
    I take in a deep breath. I am going to say hello to my oldest of friends. Whom have been here along the way for as long as I can remember. And welcome them back with open wrists. Maybe have a little fun first.
   Sitting on the cold bathroom floor, back against the cabnets I begin my fun. The feeling of the first cut on my thigh brings a rush back to me, a rush I didn't know how badly I missed. But the color is beautiful.
   I do another long cut next to the first. I can't help but smile to the feeling. It's almost as of it takes my hearts pain away but only for a split second. For a small moment.
   I watch the blood seep out of the deep cuts, the color so crimson, beautiful. I almost laugh as it runs down my thigh, it tickles. Poor bathroom carpet. Lynn and her new love will replace it.
   I make another cut, deeper than the others. If she would get out of my head... And I'm crying again but I'm also happy... I let the blood slowly pool, just watching it run.
   Things are slowing down. And I can no longer feel my body pain... which doesn't help my broken heart. I guess now is as good as any.
    She deserves one for the road. Just in case her next love doesn't give her the promises I did.
~I love you... And I hope this fixes it all. :) You are beautiful.
   I cut deep along one wrist. Then the other. She will move on.
   A beautiful woman like her. Money. And a good sense to take care of one she loves, she will be snatched up quickly.
   Why are all my memories that are flooding back of her?
   When she asked me to marry her.
   When she asked me again.
   The lust that consumes her eyes during love making.
   The silly ways she would laugh at me for trying to express my love in words.
   Her kisses.
   Her holds.
   Her nicknames.
   Her taste.
   Her smell.
   Her eyes. Beautiful grey eyes...
   The way she could make me smile without even trying.
   The way I would have to stand on my tippy toes just to give her tall ass a kiss.
   The way she would laugh because I would always smile at buckbeak.
   The way she would hold me at night.
   The way she would hold me during the day.
   The way she would hold me.
   My mom came in the flashbacks. Her smile, laughs and worrylines. Her funny stories about her job. Her hugs and how she would hold me to calm me down during a night terrors attack.
   And Zee. When she was there for me all the time. Then when she wasn't. The way she held me when Lynn first left me... it's always been Lynn that leaves me.
   And Abby. My best friend. I had a crush on. Yeah, I will always love her more than a friend but not in the way I love..d.. Lynn.
   And Rose.. how she now holds my sisters heart publicly. I knew they were together years ago. I just didn't say anything. And it confused me when Zee pretended to hate me for being pansexual. But now they're happy.
   And Mike. The crazy guy. I've always loved him as a brother. Trust him with Abby's heart more than I trusted her heart with me. I think that's why me and Abby never really got together. Always a constant fear. It's good now she has Mike.
   Of course Sam. The fucking ninja. I have been friend with her for a year or so and found a good friend in her. She didn't leave through all my crazy shit. And that's what matters. And she has Lynn's back..
    And Zack! Mr. Wiseguy. He's always right. Always. Calls it before it happens. I wonder if he knew this would? Hm.
    I was suppose to go to my bachelor party this weekend. Not happening now for sure. I was suppose to give Lynn a Christmas. Nope. A wedding, nope. Kids, nope.
   But it's all okay now. She can get a refund on the dresses. Take back any gifts she got me for xmas. Unbook everything for the wedding. Oh god.. She will have to tell May she can't be flowergirl.
   I will miss May. But she has her mom. She has Lynn. She will be fine. And one day, Lynn will have a May with her new partner.
   Maybe I can get visits from hell every once and again. To torture my heart by seeing her love another. But it's her who left me.. so it will be okay.
   It will be okay. I look down and see pools of blood, the beautiful color... the last thing I will see as I close my eyes. I smile.
   You can take me to hell now, death. I am ready. You can claim my soul laugh at God's face because I go to hell and not heaven.
   Start my torture. Start the pain to increase what I already have. Take me.

   The world goes dark. For a moment at least.
  
"Air." She walks away.
   The downstairs door slams behind her.
"Air." She walks away.
   The downstairs door slams behind her.
"Air." She walks away.
   The downstairs door slams behind her.
"Air." She walks away.
   The downstairs door slams behind her.
"Air." She walks away.
   The downstairs door slams behind her.
"Air." She walks away.
   The downstairs door slams behind her.
   Single.
   I don't care if she's okay.
   Single.
   I don't care if she's okay.
"Air." She walks away.
   The downstairs door slams behind her.
"Air." She walks away.
   The downstairs door slams behind her.
   An endless cycle of pain. Loop. Loop. Repeat. Repeat.
   She walks away.
   She walks away.
   I don't care if she is okay.
   She walks away.
   I don't care if she is okay.
   She walks away.
  Single.
  Single.

  Be free, my love. You do not need to be bound to me.

  You. Are. Beautiful.