The Middle (GxG) (Sequel to The Beginning)

Chapter 54

-JAMIE'S P.O.V-

   I don't know what's wrong with me right now. Something is really wrong. And it's not Lynn.
   Though I am sad about our situation, it's something else. And I have this raging headache. I don't know.
"I would never leave you."
"I swear on my life, never again, Koala."
  I nod. "Shower? We do have to work still, Boss."
"Yeah."
   Before I know it, she picks me up, slides off the bed and I have to hold on tightly. But it's okay.. I love it when she does this.
.. what the fuck is going on right now? I'm even starting to scare myself.

"Hey, Prettygirl."
   Gods I love May. I can't wait to have a little us running around. I mean, if we last that long.
   I shake away the bad thought. She won't leave again, she isn't that stupid. She won't, I know it.
"Hey Jamie! Hey Lynnie!"
   I pick her up and hold her between Lynn and I. She giggles as Lynn kisses her cheek and I kiss her other.
"Got to help with books in back, Koala. I love you."
   Normally she doesn't say it like that... which is strange.
"Yeah, I love you too." She steals a kiss and of course, May "Ewwwww"
   We both laugh at her before Lynn heads in back.
"What's wrong, Jamie?"
"What do you mean, Prettygirl?"
"I can see it in your eyes."
"I don't know.. I think I'm sick again."
   By again.. I think I have another tumor. I shouldn't be this sad. This depressed. We fixed things. I'm happy but then I'm not. But I'm happy...
   May kisses my cheek and we get to work.

   After our shift, I always hold hands with Lynn in the car...and I do. But I use all strength in my other hand to text.
~I think something is wrong, mommy. Please don't tell Ly.. But I want to go to the doctors again.
~When? And she should know of all people. -Mom.
~As soon as possible. And you know I don't want to rock things anymore. Not til we find out. I already lost her ..just lost her again.. I need to know first before I say anything.
~We can head to the er tonight, if you want. -Mom.
   I mentally sigh.
"So mom wants to have dinner with me tonight. Apparently wants to talk about some wedding stuff, mainly my dress."
"That means I can't go." Her voice sad.
"Well, you can't see the bride in the dress before the wedding, right?"
"You believe in bad luck?"
    I laugh. "I'm sure you will be fine for a few hours without me."

   We get home, get changed. She always watches me change. It's cute.
"Ready to go?"
"Yeah."
"I can't wait to see you walk down the aisle."
"And I can't wait to do so."
   In her eyes there are questions, doubts and pure worry. I know.
"Can I have a kiss?"
"Do you ever have to ask?"
"I don't want to stand on my tippy toes."
   She grins before leaning down and placing a soft kiss on my lips. I kiss back. Why are her lips perfect?
"Let's go." I say after pulling back.
   She nods and we leave for moms.
   Once there, I get out and walk to her side.
"Keep the bed warm for me?"
"Of course. Have fun. I love you."
"I love you too." She pulls at my shirts collar and kisses me. I hum pleasantly into the kiss.
   She leaves and I go inside.
"What do you mean that something is wrong?"
"I have this constant headache. My emotions are crazy. Like really crazy. Like one second I am happy. The next I'm crying. I'm depressed but happy. It doesn't make sense. We fixed things. Which I am happy for. But at the same time I'm sad that we fixed things. It's a whole mess... can we please just get this over with?"
"Yeah, sweetie."

"We're just going to do an MRI. The results will be rushed but I wouldn't worry too much."
   I nod and smile. It's all I can do.
   In the hour I am sitting in the tube, still, waiting... I think to Lynn. I always think to her. But my thoughts are normally happy.. why are they so sad?
   I have to think of something else before I cry. The dress. The dress is perfect. It fits perfect, I don't even have to change it.
   A week and Christmas is here. And yet I want the wedding to happen like yesterday. But that's just every bride's dreams, right?

"....on your temporal lobe."
   The world starts the crash around me quickly. I don't want chemo again. Or to be weak at our wedding. Or..
"We can remove it."
"When?"
"After the holidays."
"I'll have to have chemo?"
   He nods.
"Thank you."
    We are quickly discharged with a bunch of papers, a date and a chemo schedule.
"I don't know how I am going to tell her. Ruin Christmas. Possibly ruin us again."
"You won't ruin you, baby. I'm here. Everyone is here. Everyone, okay?"
"Calm down, you're going to make me cry even more."
"I'm alowed to worry, Jamie. Everything will be okay. Just promise me something in this?"
"Yeah?"
"Ask for help and don't give up."
"I promise... now I have to.. go.. tell.... her."
   We get out of the car, at my home. Mom stands in front of me.
"It will be okay. You've fought and won before. It will be okay."
"I need a pep talk. I got to go break my fiancee's heart."
"You won't break her heart."
"Yeah, I will and when I see her eyes, it will break mine."
   She hugs me tightly. "You can do this. You have survived it before, you can again. We can get through this, sweetie."
"I don't want chemo again, mom. I don't want that pain again..."
"I know. I know. It will be okay."
    I take a deep breath.
"Guess I will talk to you later. Thank you..."
   She pulls from the hug. "It will be okay."
   Sounds like she is trying to assure herself more than me... But I nod... And walk inside.
     Jesus Christ give me strength.. I walk downstairs, she's on the bed, reading. She's so weird when she reads. Always bites her lip. Either because it's erotica or.. I don't know. I've seen her do it while reading history books.
"Hey, Koala. How'd it go?"
"We.." fuck... come on.. "need to talk."
   She puts her book down as I walk to the bed.
   I take a big deep breath. I feel like I am going to pass out. I sit crisscross facing her.
   Fuck. Jamie. Do it.
"It's... Uh." .....Fuck...
"I knew.."  I look down and sigh.
   Her hands take mine. "What's wrong?"
"I am happy, you know? With you. I always have been... even when you hurt me, I bounced back. And I did. I forgave you. I already forgave you."
   I breath for a second.
"It wasn't.. is.. not.. you." She lifts my chin, I feel tears drop instantly to the sight if her grey eyes... piercing mine for answers.
"It's... fuck.. I.."
"Jamie, you're scaring me."
"I'm scared."
"Koala, please talk to me."
"It's.. back."
"I don't understand."
"I knew I felt off. That everything was all wrong."
"Jamie."
"It's not right.. to be happy.. But depressed. Then to be in love but depressed because you are. Or to be sad when something happy happens. Or to constantly feel the moods switch when their not suppose to."
"What are you saying?"
   Her eyes fill with tears.
"I lied.. I wanted to see if it was something to actually worry about before I told you. And I didn't think.. I mean, I did.. I knew... I was right.. But I prayed I was wrong..."
"J..Jamie?" She stutters my name as tears fall.
"Cancerous.. on temporal lobe."
   Everything in the room stopped.
"Please... say this is a joke."
"It's not."
   I hand her the papers I set behind me.
   I laugh lightly while saying "I'm going to be standing weak at our wedding."
"HOW CAN YOU BE LAUGHING?"
"I don't know." I admit. "It's wrong. I feel off, Ly. Every emotion is assfucked backwards."
   Her eyes skim through the papers.. after a minute she looks up. I bite my lip. It's those eyes.. those eyes I didn't was to see.. her eyes turn clear and shots of teal and silver appear. Broken.
   She quickly brings me into a tight hug.
"I'm sorry."
"Stop saying sorry. It's not your fault."
"I'm sorry.. I know you didn't sign up for this.. first.. or second."
"I'm not leaving. I'm not leaving you. I'm never leaving you again. I will never leave again. I will never."
   Her tears soak my shirt... And I guess mine have done the same to hers.
"I promised mom that I would ask for help. That I would fight."
   She pulls away and takes my face in her palms. "You better. I can't live without you. I just can't."
"I'll try."