Days Without You.

day 36

36th day.

again, there was no school. so, I didn't get to see you.

today was just an okay day for me.

nothing much happened.

I didn't think so much either.

what did go through my head was, "am I not enough?"

people will read this and call me stupid. I know it.

I always ask myself that question. am I not enough?

am I not enough for you?

sometimes, I ask that to my friends. "am I not enough for him? what am I lacking? am I not pretty enough?"

then they go on and tell me that I'm everything a guy could ask for. they tell me nice thing about me and then another question pops into my head.

am I too much?

am I too much for people? I feel like I overwhelm people so much, to the point where they just don't want to be around me.

did I overwhelm you? did I suffocate you with my problems? if I did, I apologize.

I don't have a lot of people who actually listen to me when I need them to. they focus too much on themselves and I thought you would listen.

but you didn't.

you're just like them. you didn't really care. yeah, I'd tell you and you'd acknowledge the information, but that's it. you wouldn't do anything to cheer me up or help me.

I don't want to say that you're a bad person and you should jump off a cliff, no. what I'm saying is, I've always wanted you to be there for me.

to be honest, you were. if tears were involved.

if my eyes were dry, your attention would fall somewhere else.

do I have to cry just for you to listen and care? did it take that much for you to actually pay attention?

I sound like a needy girlfriend, but this is how I feel.

I know that you don't care and that you don't need to care.

but, I'm saying this for the sake of the next one you'll love.

there's none now, but just if it happens.

listen, understand, and help.

don't forget to cherish and love her too.

treat her better than you treated me.

because I don't want her to go through what I went through.

- Belle