Feeling This (Ashton Irwin)

eight - truth or dare

I’d walked up and down Michael’s street 7 times now, fidgeting with the hem of my skater skirt and adjusting my cropped grey Strokes shirt, trying to decide whether or not I can actually do this. For me, alcohol has caused several problems in my life and I try my best to avoid it. Troye was the only one I ever trusted myself to get tipsy with, and he knew that he couldn’t offer me alcohol too often or it would set me off.

*Flashback*

I sat huddled under my blankets, trying to block out the deafening screams of my mom as she told my dad how much of a deadbeat he was. You could hear my dad slurring unknown words back to her, too drunk to even respond.

It was how he was recently. Losing his job took a toll on him, and he was convinced that my mom was cheating on him. I knew it was true, I had caught her with another man long before my dad caught them, however, my mom insisted that we had no idea what we were talking about.

He was a complete drunk, and we all knew it. At least when he was drunk he didn’t have to admit that she was cheating. At least when he was drunk we were still sort of a family, in spite of how screwed up we were as a unit.

I could hear glass thrashing the wall from when someone pitched a plate across the room, a shriek carries through the house, making me bolt up and run to the scene.

I see my father standing over my mother, apologizing a billion times for getting angry like that. Everything began to get fuzzy, and I could hear my mother screaming for him to get out. He runs to me, grabbing my unscarred wrists to get me to leave with him. I reject though, terrified about his motives. He slugs me over his shoulder despite my pleas to stop and throws me into the car with him.

He drives unsteadily and I’m worried something’s going to happen. I’m only 14, I didn’t want to die.

He was drunk, I kept replaying over in my mind, this wasn’t him.

Although I don’t remember much of what happened because of the instant black-out, I will never forgive him for slamming head on into that car.

*End of Flashback*

I wasn’t too fond of this memory, but I could remember every little thing about that night leading up to the car crash. Everyone in Perth knew about it, and the rumors never quite stopped. I didn’t mind, I had almost died, and I survived. It was something to be proud of. Although, after that crash, when my mom left and my dad finally stopped with the drinking, he passed that habit onto me. Like father, like daughter I guess you could say.

Troye knew everything about that night, and everything that happened after. Even despite that, he thought it was a brilliant idea for me to go this party, however terrified I was of multiple drunks running around. I wanted to go for Luke, Calum, Michael, Ellie, Jamie and Nic. I didn’t want them to think I wasn’t any fun, or that I didn’t fit in.

So after multiple walks down the street, I enter the house.

..

I immediately find Michael lurking through the house and run up to him, engulfing him in a large hug. He hesitates at first, but then I can feel him looking down at my head and realizing who it is. He then wraps his arms around my waist, lower than most boys would, but I don’t attempt to move his hands.

“Hey, Zo! I really didn’t think you’d show up! Ashton’s up-“ He starts, but I cut him off quickly at the mention of his name.

“I didn’t come for Ashton.” I say angrily.

“Well alright then.” He says with a sly smirk on his face. He grabs my hand, intertwining our fingers together and walks me through the house. We approach a keg, and Michael goes to get me a cup. I go to deny it, but I know that would be rude. As we continue through the house, our fingers still clasped together, I clutch the red solo cup filled with the poison.