Feeling This (Ashton Irwin)

twenty eight - a joke

It felt like I was in a state of nothingness. I couldn’t move even though I desperately wanted to. I was frozen in a single instant of time. I kept willing myself to move, to twitch a little and let someone know I was alive and breathing. I was lost in my own head and I had no idea how to get out.

I somehow remember everything. The car slamming into me, the feeling of flying through the air as I hit the ground with a thud. I felt all of my bones crushing as I fell, like something snapped in me. I could still picture the headlights coming straight for me and the sound I made when we made contact. The squealing of the tires and the yells that tried to keep me conscious didn’t work. Something managed to break my fall a little, and I think whatever it was saved me from dying.

I’ve felt like this before. Once, when I was in the car accident with my dad. It felt like I was going to let go, and end up dead. And I could almost picture the angels above coming to take me. But I had fought through one battle, and I was going to fight again.

Even if I was completely alone in this world, without my parents, without Ashton. You could be damn sure I would fight. For myself.

I didn’t need anyone, and it was about time I figured that out. I acted like I wasn’t afraid of anything, that I was a completely independent person, but who was I kidding? We all say things that we wish we were, but that doesn’t change anything.

At one point of time, I needed my parents, but they couldn’t be there for me so everything was left onto the next person who I came to love, Ashton.

I pushed all my feelings and problems onto him so that it suffocated him and pushed him out of our relationship. Even if he did cheat, it was somehow my fault too.

If I survive this, which I know I will, I know that life is too short to worry about things like boys and school. One little problem doesn’t break you, it makes you into the person you have to be.

-

I can hear voices around me as I slowly gain consciousness again. I drag open my eyes, fighting with sleepiness to fully awaken. I look around the room, but am unable to move due to the 6 foot tall purple haired freak that was cuddling me. Not that I wanted to move, considering the pain that was coursing through my body.

“Michael, you’re hurting me.” I whisper, brushing his light hair out of my face.  I’m hooked up to various chords and all I can see are flashing lights and the constant beep of my heartbeat. I feel a splitting headache coming on almost immediately and the fluorescent green cast on my arm feels heavy.  

“I’m so sorry.” Michael sobbed into my shoulder.

“Michael, it wasn’t your fault.” I croaked, groaning as the pounding in my head increases.

‘Yes it is! If we didn’t play that stupid joke on you you wouldn’t have gotten hit!”

“Shh, don’t yell please, what do you mean joke?” I ask, brushing away his tears with my thumb pad.

“Ashton want-wanted to see if you’d t-trust him, so we sa-said we’d pretend he was… cheating,” He said in a guilty tone. I got hit by a car because Ashton was being a dick?

“This was all some stupid joke?” I ask astounded by their stupidity.

“Yeah, and he’s really mad be-because it’s his fault.” He hiccupped.

“Where is he?” I demand

“In Calum’s ward.”

“Calum?”

“He pulled you back from the car so that you didn’t get hurt as bad. You don’t remember?”

“I remember someone but I didn’t know it was him. Is he alright?”

“Yeah just some bruises.”

“Thank god.”

The doctor walked back in the room as Michael made himself more comfortable. He throws his leg across my body and I slide my small limbs in between his. I make sure to place my aching ankle in a place that he won’t hit while he sleeps. He nuzzles his head into my neck and I groan at the pain that shoots through my body. I adjust a little until there’s no more pain and turn my head towards the doctor.

“Your boyfriend?” She questions.

“Best friend.” I respond, running my fingers that are free through his hair.

She giggles, “You have a very committed group with you. The one with the moppy hair started yelling at me because I wouldn’t let him in here. The one with the large quiff had to basically drag him out.”

“That sounds like him. Is he alright?”

“Yeah, no one got hurt too badly. As you can see, you do have a broken arm, your ankle has a sprain in it too and you’ll probably experience some bad migraines for the next couple weeks. You’ll be good and new soon.”

“Thank you.”

“You’re very lucky you had someone there to pull you back, if they hadn’t been there you wouldn’t be here today.”

“If they hadn’t been there I wouldn’t be in this current situation.” I mumble. I hear Michael’s snores in my ear more clearly and it’s surprisingly soothing.

“I think I heard the boy with the moppy hair in the halls, do you want me to go get him?”

“Yeah, thanks that would be great.” I quickly respond. Suddenly a great idea pops through my mind as she walks through the door.

“Wait!”

“Yes?”

“Could you do me a favour?”