Feeling This (Ashton Irwin)

epilogue

7 years later

I never ended up finishing school. After the ‘incident’ I realized that life doesn’t sit around and wait for you to catch up. Your life can change right before your eyes. With two life or death situations under my belt, I realized that life truly is short.

I went back to school for around 3 months until I realized that I hated it. Everything reminded me that I wasn’t with the boys. Everything had revolved around my relationship with them and being alone was bad enough. So I had it, and decided to just go on the road with them.

Troye stayed in London for awhile, bringing his youtube career up before moving to LA. He’s now just released a bunch of new music and I’m so proud of him.

Catty came on the road with us, it was kind of a packaged deal thing. And I think Luke has to thank me now because they started dating after being forced to talk about their feelings towards each other. They had been sneaking around for awhile, and when they parted ways for tour and England, they kind of left on bad terms. Since then, they were more disgusting than Ashton and I.

Now the boys have just announced a worldwide headline tour, they’ve got four albums out. I’ve never been more proud of them and they deserve total happiness.

I started taking pictures for the boys when all the craziness started happening so that they could look back and see when they were performing in small venues, vs now with the huge stadiums. It was just for fun, since I did go to school (sort of) for art, photography included. However once their management saw all the books I had put together, they paid me for my property so they can put it all out for the fans.

If there was one thing 5sos knew how to do, it was giving back to their fans.

I was sitting on the couch in the backstage waiting room, and the boys were doing all their preshow rituals. I watch Michael getting pumped for the show, listening to one of his favourite bands, the Sex Pistols as I recognized today, like he normally does. His hair was somehow still in his head, and he was currently sporting a dark purple look. Luke was making out with Catty in the corner, gross. It was so hilarious because they were both so socially awkward, you wouldn’t pin them for a PDA couple. Calum was bouncing around the room, barely able to contain himself since this show was back home, in Sydney.

I had not been back to visit my dad or Sarah. I had still no contact with my actual mother. I had decided after the amnesia incident that I was going to put all that behind me. I was going to actually move on from all the awful things that had happened in my past.

I feel Ashton’s arms wrap protectively around me, and I snuggle into him like I normally do. His hands rest on my stomach as my back hits his chest. He places a quick peck on the top of my now all black head of hair. I decided to change it up more frequently again, never settling for a single colour for more than a month or so.

Ashton and I watch all the chaos happening around the room, our breathing becoming in sync with one another.

My eyes become droopy and half-lidded, soon falling close and my sight becoming all black. I don’t fall asleep, but my ears can only hear the constant pumping of Ashton’s heart beat and the soothing sounds of his breathing in my ears. Occasionally I feel him shift slightly to get comfortable, or hear his gleeful giggle when one of the boys tells a joke.

My mind drifts off to another place, a place where I never met Ashton. Where I never got on that plane to come to Sydney. Where I wasn’t out that night listening to music. Where I didn’t go to the same school as Luke, Calum and Michael. Where I didn’t go to that party. Where I never made out with Michael to make Ashton jealous. Where I never plucked up the courage and asked him out. Where I never told him my past. Where I never moved to England. Where we never had that fight.