Feeling This (Ashton Irwin)

seventeen - spies

so i'm going to rowyso toronto (august 25th) and i'm going alone so like idk if anyone reading this is going and would want to say hi to me this is weird but like thought i'd just put this in here if anyone was !

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Catty soon arrived at my house wearing a colourful blouse and a pair of high waisted white shorts. She had white converse covering her feet and her long hair was braided skillfully down the side. I decided to take a shower before she got here, so my colourful hair was still wet and it was constantly sticking to my exposed skin on my shoulders. My greenday cropped tank showed off some skin from my stomach and my shorts were a little too short.

I've never really cared how people thought of my appearance, if they wanted to think I looked slutty then go ahead. Almost all of my scars could be easily seen though, all over my body.

You should be proud you survived. My subconcious reminds me.

Yeah, but I wouldn't mind if the reminder would go away. It hurt to remember that point of my life, how low it had all gotten.

I was better now. I had Troye, and Michael and Catty. Most importantly, I had Ashton. That's all I'll ever need.

Catty walked ahead of me on the way to Michael's with her hand outstretched behind her clutching my sweaty one. She had pulled me on my board all the way to his house, which was only a 5 minute walk, but I had refused to leave without my board.

I offered her one, but she said that she would fall off immediately after getting on, which I'd probably pay to see.

We barge into Michael's house, not bothering to knock and search for the boys. Catty's hand is still intertwined with mine and I know she must be nervous to see Luke.

Apparently, the last time they were together Luke said he wanted to keep it 'casual'. Catty didn't want that, she wanted to be able to call him hers. She tried to mask her pain while they were together, but you could tell that it was hitting her hard.

Luke was naive and was still stuck on Jamie. That girl must be blind not to see how he feels about her. I felt bad for not telling Catty that she was just a distraction for Luke to move on, but I wanted to see how they went and hopefully have Luke fall for her like she was falling for him.

"They are in the basement," Catty points out and she leads us downstairs quietly, stopping at the bottom to overhear the conversation below. She puts her arm up blocking me from taking another step and raises her hand to her lips, shushing me.

"I'm not telling her about my parents yet!" Ashton screams. I can just imagine him pulling at his hair because of how enraged he is and then fixing the bandana that was once containing it back to its original state.

"Why not, she already knows you live with me and that they left why not tell her where exactly they went?" Calum asks.

The boys were sat on the other side of the wall that we currently were hiding behind. The light to the stairs had been switched off, keeping us even more hidden. But when I heard someone get up from their seat and start to walk towards us, I began to panic. My eyes widen, and I feel frozen in time as I wait for the person to discover us. A boy with freshly dyed hair walks past us, his eyes flickering over us for only a nano second. Catty and I are both holding our breath, praying that he doesn't say anything. He grabs his guitar and walks back to us, stopping on the floor at the bottom of the stairs. He positioned himself so that he could see both parties, but he kept his eyes glued to the boys, only letting his eyes drift on us for a few seconds at a time. I manage to catch his eye once and I lifted a finger to my lips to make sure he knew not to say anything about us. The rest of the boys were still bickering, and it gave us a chance to make sure we were on the same page.

"I can't." Ashton snaps.

"Can't or won't?" Luke asks him. Complete silence "That's what I thought, Ash. If you loved her like you claim you do, you'd say something." Michael's gaze was now on mine, the second the word 'love' was muttered, we both looked at each other. Now it was Michael's turn to panic. He nervously begins to tune his guitar. Avoiding my wandering eyes.

"I can't, because I know she doesn't love me, not yet at least." He says, fully confident with himself.

"Might want to get on that before someone else does." Michael mutters under his breath.

"What does that mean, you gonna steal my girlfriend?" I head Ashton jump up from his seat and start walking towards Michael. Thankfully, Luke and Calum stop him from getting any further.

Michael immediately stops strumming his guitar and takes a step back, "That's not what I meant-"

"She lies to me, she hides stuff from me! It's no different, the only thing is that I love her and she doesn't love me back!" Ashton is full on screaming by now, and it's sending shivers down my spine.

"I don't get why it's a big deal to tell her about your parents." Luke whispers.

"Because I don't tell people about them, only you three know. When I know she loves me, I'll tell her. I'm sure it'll be the same with her scars."

Michael looks at me, guilt plastered all over his face. "I'm sorry" he mouths to me. I mouth back, "it's okay" and nod my head, telling him he can say we are here.

"Hey, look who's here!" Michael exclaims, total shock written all over him. We stand up and jump off the stairs, looking extremely pleased. Ashton's eyes light up when he sees me and he gives me a giant hug.

"I missed you." He whispers in my ear.

"It's only been since this morning, Ash."

"I still missed you."

"What's going to happen when you guys go on tour..." However, the question never gets answered. Luke yells about how they need to get started rehearsing some of their new stuffs so Ashton simply places a kiss on my forehead, and gives me an apologetic smile.

Catty comes back from where she was standing with Luke before and she looks extremely angry. Her face is beet red and I can tell that she's holding in some tears.

"You're stronger." I whisper to her. Instead of asking if she was alright or if she needed to talk about it, which would cause her to burst into tears, we confirmed that the other was stronger. We were stronger than the person who was about to make us cry, we were better than them. It was like a safe zone for us.

"You are too." She whispers back, taking my hand in hers as we watch the boys rehearse. As I stare at Ashton, pounding away on his drums, I wonder what life's going to be like without those remarkable hazel eyes.