[COMPLETED] soft boy//phan (1)

Eighteen

dan

i don't know why, but when i got home from hanging out with phil and his friends i just felt like collapsing, dying, suffering, and all for the wrong reasons.

i hate myself to much to still be here and all of phil's friends are way to amazing and perfect to the point where i felt like shit compared to them.

my eyes were heavy as they lifted from my feet, trying to get up from the curled ball and i was sitting in the corner of my room.

my eyed fought tears as i got up, tripping over my own feet, and slouching over to the desk that was in the opposite corner.

parting my chapped lips, i opened the right drawer and took out the rubber bands that were under a few notebooks, wrapping them around my wrists and sighing, shutting my eyes tightly.

i snapped it once and bit my bottom lip to fight the scream that was forming in the back of my throat.

i snapped it once, again and again and again to the point where it started to bleed and i couldn't take the pain anymore.

i cried quietly, sitting down on my bed and wrapping my duvet around my shoulders.

"dan?" my mum's voice piped from my locked and closed door.

"yes?"

"are you alright?"

"i'm fine." i lied, i never liked lying to her.

i heard her footsteps leave and i laid down, facing my bay window where i could see the moon. i tried to fight my sleep but it overcame and i slept like those nights when my father comes over, like all of those nights all over again except worse.