[COMPLETED] soft boy//phan (1)

Twenty-Seven

dan

i wanted to cry, phil was gone. and even though he didn't exactly speak the words it felt like he was promising that he would never leave me, continue holding me while i slept, singing soft words into my ear to comfort me and actually make me feel like i had a real purpose.

but i couldn't cry because my mum was in my room, scolding me about yesterday and asking me all that we did. honestly, as fun as last night was, phil makes me want to forget the whole thing. he makes me want to scream and yell and punch and kick and it's all going to go towards him because he left when i needed him most.

"daniel james howell! listen to me you bastard!" my mum yelled and it scared me, so much that i clutched my blankets and clenched my eyes tightly shut to keep from crying.

"what got in your small brain that you could leave without my consent? i am so disappointed in you, i thought you were a good child." she sneered and clasped her hands on her hips.

"i did one small mistake, i snuck out of the house. you can't tell me you never did that as a teenager." i said and looked to the wall. i knew if i started to look into her eyes, i would start crying. i didn't want her to think that she won, i wanted to be smarter and more intelligent and more successful. i wanted to be better.

"i never even thought of doing that as a teenager! i was a good child. maybe i should start bringing back christianity into this family, you've been sinning more ever since we stopped because you're dad left."

her mentioning my dad made my throat tighten and i looked at her, into her mindless, self centered, green eyes, "you can't make me do anything." i tried to sound tough but my voice was wavering.

"i can make you do everything, i am your mother!," she spat, "now come downstairs and eat breakfast and when you're done clean the whole house." she said and exited, slamming the door shut.

i lost, but i feel like i won. she had no other comeback except for telling me something that was somewhat repeating what i said to her. but i lost because i had to clean the whole house. usually she just huffed and left the house to buy her daily box of cigarettes. she was nicer to me, but ever since i left the hospital, her mood has changed.

i got up from my bed, my dull feet hitting the soft carpeted floor, and i carefully walked into the closet in the corner of my room. i grabbed whatever my hands reached first and slipped it on, not looking back into my room as i swiftly left. as i made my way downstairs i made my way into the kitchen, finding my phone on the counter.

i pressed the power button and it lit up with notifications from snapchat, something i rarely use, with videos of louise and dodie, chris and pj, but no phil. they were all laughing and smiling and having a good time, but knowing that phil wasn't there and came to me instead and then left, it made my heart sink and my stomach form in my mouth.

my breath faltered and i slammed my phone face down back on the counter before i started crying. i walked over to the cupboards and reached up while standing on the tips of my toes, and i grabbed a box of cereal. i quickly poured myself a bowl and sat down at the island counter and started eating. i didn't know where to stare and the food instantly felt bitter and tasteless on my tongue.

suddenly the ghost of phil's warmth hit me, his lemon and laundry sent and how his eyes instantly became brighter when he smiled and how his breathing was so steady that it steadied me into a good night's sleep.

i became attached to phil, i suddenly wanted to be more in phil's life than i already was.

(Sorry for not updating in like almost a month it feels like. But I rebranded! I have lots of ideas for original stories along  with joshler, phan, ryden and frerard fics so keep posted for those. In the meantime, check out the ones I already have posted?)