Being at the hospitale sucked.
Everything sucked.
But what hurt the most was that the accident happened with Dinah.
I shouldnt have been there. I shouldntve done that. I shouldve just listened.
I could hear my heart and see the white but everything seemed colorless. Senseless. What was the point when I couldnt have her? When the one thing I actually wanted, a friend, my parents wouldnt give me. It was so unfair.
She probably hates me.
But then again she is full of surprises.
Like when she showed up at 3 am, when my parents had left, and stood towering over my frail bed.
"Im so sorry." She sobbed. "I shouldve-"
"Stop." I said cutting her off. "Its my fault and there was nothing you could do."
"But-"
"But nothing. Dinah I told you to stay away. And maybe you should listen."
Instead of getting angry Dinah nodded and sat down. "Will you please tell me what happened?" Her voice was so quiet I completely didnt hear at first.
Then I nodded, taking her hands in mine.
"When I was little we had a huge house. It was beautiful but lonely. I was an only child at the time. My sister hadnt been born. My parents argued all the time and to keep it from happening we all had a certain spot we stayed at. For mom it was the computer, for dad it was their bedroom, for me I used the living room or my bedroom."
Dinah nodded, encouraging me to continue.
"Then they went out. I thought everything was fine. All they needed was to get a few things and it would take 5 minutes, if less. But something happened and a fire started. I got so scared and blacked out because of the smoke. It hurt so badly. I was too little to really know what to do."
I gulped and Dinah rubbed the backs of my hands. "You can stop if you want to."
I shake my head and continue. "When I woke up there was a camera. I was in a filthy room with nothing to see but the camera. Tied down so I couldnt move. Then I heard the mans voice. He told me to hold still or there would be more pain. He said it was payback for what my dad had done. And he turned the camera on a whipped me. Over and over and over."
Tears stung my eyes. Dinah wiped them off with her thumb.
"It was like fire spread through my back. He made me drink this drug, Yin Fe. A forgien drug that is supose to kill you. After 3 days I had blacked out. I woke a week later. In a hospital. My parents were crying beside me. The police had found the place I stayed because the guy had given my parents a new tape each day. Just my pathetic wails."
My voice is rough and hoarse but I manage a faint chuckle.
"The guy was killed when they came in. I had so much of the drug they though it had been impossible for me to live. I coughed up a lot of blood. But then they found out my body had adapted to it. I could survive by taking it everyday."
Dinah rubbed my arm. "Thats why you came to the support group. You live on a drug. That shouldve taken your life in the first place. All because of a kidnapping and a fire."
I nodded. "Yeah. Since then I take the drug. My parents keep me on a tight leash. I cant do anything and its frustraighting."
She gave me a small smile. "Its what parents do. They want whats best."
The laughed comes out a croak. "But I feel so useless, so stupid, so dumb..."
But I cant continue.
Because her lips crash into mine. Sucking away all the oxygen.
