OBSIDIAN ISSUE #1: PUSHED

FOUR

For some of us, or maybe most, the things we are born with are leading us to hope for the life we never had. A few of what we own today have never been enough, and will eventually make us figure out what we truly yearn for.

For years, I've lived a life what outside family circle thought was made of sparks and gold. Na sa akin ang mga bagay na hindi ko naman talaga pinangarap. Habang ang mga gusto ko ay kailangan ko pang paghirapan. It's one of the life's truths, isn't it? Ngunit ganoon ko rin natanto na kahit pala ang mga simpleng kahilingan ay mahirap ding matamo.

Praying is easy. So does hope. It's in keeping the faith for our desires to come true that is hard to cope.

Ang dilim sa aking paningin ay unti-unting hinati ng liwanag . The sun was high like it wants to claim full sovereignty of the whole day. My pink ball cap shielded my eyes from the paramount heat. Ang maliit kong kamay ay nilamon ng pagkakahawak ng aking bayani.

"Daddy, why are we here?" my eight year old voice squeaked.

Pinasidahan ko ang playground. With impatience in my bones, my right foot was tapping on the ground for wanting to run to that direction and join the kids my age playing. But it seems that they all know each other. Kung wala man akong kakilala, mas mabuti na mapag-isa na lang ako kesa sumali sa kanila ngunit aawayin din naman ako.

My eyes lingered at the sight bago nilingon si daddy. He held my shoulder and made me face him. He bent his knees to sit para pantayan ang height ko.

Mainam niya akong tinitigan. Harsh eyebrows but soft eyes, it's a bewilderment on how those opposites attract to make up the face of the man I look up to. Ang kamay niya sa balikat ko ay may alinlangang higpit.

"Baby girl, see that man right there?"

Nilingon ko ang tinuro niya sa likod. Pinasidahan ko muli ang mga naglalaro sa playground at tila nahimigan iyon ng aking ama, marahan niyang tinulak ang pisngi ko sa kanan at pinirmi.

"The man in a blue shirt and white cap, sweetie."

My eyes scanned, stopping at every people wearing blue. Common sense is telling me that he might be just standing by. Hindi naman ipipirmi ng ama ko ang tingin sa isa kung naglalakad siya. He must have been looking back at us, too, waiting to be found.

"May sunglasses po?" Aking tanong nang sa tingin ko ay nakita ko na siya.

"Yes, sweetie. That's him. We're here to give this bag to him." Sabay tapik sa barbie trolley bag na hawak ko pa ang handle.

Kumunot agad ang noo ko at binalingan siya. I pouted. " Bakit? I like this bag. This is mine!"

"Ssh...don't be a bad girl." Tinanggal niya ang cap ko at inayos ang aking buhok bilang pag-alo. Kinuwadro niya ang aking mukha. The look of promise in his face made me listen to him. "Don't worry, ibibili kita ng mas maganda. All you have to do is go to that man and hand the bag to him, alright?"

Hindi tumigil sa panginginig ang labi ko kahit kinakantahan na ako ng pangako ng boses niya. I looked at my barbie bag with longing. Can we miss something we haven't lost yet? Or miss someone who we have yet to let go of?

"Anong gagawin niya sa bag? Why does he like it so much? Does he tuck away his toys there, too?"

My father smiled softly. Hinawi ang bangs ko at pinunasan ang basa sa aking pisngi. "Yes, he hides his toys so the bad guys can't steal them."

We have been told to listen to our moms and dads. Hindi ko maalala sino ang nagsabi niyon, but the voice was an eternal echo in my ears, a DNA in my brain. The elders are deemed right for someone as young as me. Correct. Our knowledge was limited by that time then but they add up as we grow.