OBSIDIAN ISSUE #1: PUSHED

EIGHTEEN

I've been evasion's client all in my born days. Tinuturing na apoy bawat grupo ng mga taong natatanaw. There's something about groups that rattles me. Iniisip ko na kung magkaroon man ako ng kaibigan, isa o dalawa ay ayos na.

While it is much easier to interact during a transaction. Inaasahan ko na kasi ang mga makakasalamuha ko. The drop off-areas are specific locations such as hotels and coffee shops and the people receiving the merchandise were expected to read between the lines of rehearsed conversations.

That is to say, I've been merely a cat's paw of an old man inebriated on dirty money and cruelty. What I won from making a break for it was just a hollow victory. Hindi ko lang mahinuha kung ganoon din ang kinalalabasan sa kay Azriel.

For the succeeding days—I didn't bother to count, I have been steering clear of him without fail. Isang halata na kilos ay ang pag-ilag ko sa mga tingin niya. I talk to him looking down. I make my head nods and shakes more valuable than my voice and word organization. Mas kinakausap ko pa nga si Maddox at ang ibon. At sa bawat pagpapaalam ay palagi akong nakayuko.

Ano ba kasi ang dapat mangyari pagkatapos niyon? Sigurado akong hindi siya manhid at nahalata na ang ginagawa ko. Ganito din iyon noon, e. Mas mahaba nga lang ang mga araw ngayon.

The day-offs on the other hand, are mostly finger conversations. Tinatanong sa text kung pupunta ba ako sa bahay. I made our day off as an excuse, kahit alam namin pareho na para ito sa tutorial. I never thought that he is really taking it seriously. In the end, I'd stay in the dormhouse alone reading his books. Hinahayaan din naman niya ako. Maybe because...it's awkward for him, too?

Bumuntong hininga ako sa harap ng salamin, nilipad ang natural na itim kong buhok sa paangat na buga. The fogged part of the mirror turned clear when I trace the reflection of my lips on it, remembering how it felt...

It's still warm and shiver-conquering. My bottom lip has an outstanding memory of the movement of his lips.Iyong dama ko talaga bawat pagsakop at bitaw. Along with the echo of his breathing in and out...na tila nakakahingal ang paghalik ngunit imposible ang kapaguran.

Nanginig akong pumikit sabay tikom ng bibig. My own heart is beating me 'til I'm hopeless. Loud and wildly relentless. Naalala ko ang nabasa sa libro tungkol sa isang parte ng ating utak. Hypo...thalamus? In which, it has a control over the body's emotional responses.

Damn, am I really learning this just now?

If this response is beyond my control. And what is mostly untaught in this world happens out of hand, I wonder if they are always right. Itong tumitibok rito, tama ba ito? Kasi bakit gusto kong pigilan? Bakit pakiramdam ko bawal?

Bawat apak ko sa bahay ay sinasamahan ako ng kaba. This won't be over soon. Nauubusan na ako ng galaw sa pag-ilag kaya umuuwi muli ako sa pananahimik. This will be easy, or so I thought. Because it isn't when he's near and wer'e not speaking. We're both convicted guilty for the crime of words. Proof is the bleeding silence...

But if this silence between us could press the truth of our differences, na hanggang dito lang. That he's the boss, and I am the babysitter who must forbid anyone, let alone those who've started to crawl their claws on my dear mercy-may-come life , then hell, I will avoid as much as to keep them out of harm's way.

But words are such a wayward children of mine.

"Are you always like that?"

My spine snapped straight at the sudden assault of attention. Wala sa sariling reaksyon ang paglingon ko kay Azriel at biglang naalala na iniiwasan ko pala siya.

"Huh?" sabay balik tingin sa rumaragasang tubig.

Dumadagundong ang puso ko sa dalawang dahilan. Sa gulat at ang sanhi ng pagkagulat ko. I was lost for a moment and got confused.