FORLORN | JIKOOK

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Jeon Jungkook

"Jungkook," Taehyung's voice came muffled and low beside me, pulling me out of the sleep that was beginning to engulf me. I pulled my lips together, and breathed in slowly while allowing my eyes to flutter open. Drowsiness was still aching in my body and making my legs feel aggravated and stiff, but I ignored it and grasped the pillow between my fingers. "Are you happy?" Taehyung's voice came again, and the question made my breathing hitch for a quick moment. Not because it was a bad question, but because I hadn't really thought about that kind of thing for quite awhile, which was new. I swallowed, and parted my lips with a deep breath. I didn't answer for several moments, but it was because my mind was streaming with different thoughts on the situation. I couldn't stop asking myself curiously, am I really happy?

"I wasn't." I said. I knew for certain that not too long ago, I wasn't. But Taehyung already knew that. "But I think," I paused, biting down on my bottom lip. My mind was still running with thoughts. "I think I'm doing okay." I whispered, even though there wasn't much of a reason to do so. I knew that the thought that I was doing okay was sort of odd, and admitting it was even more shocking. Just because it was true. And sometimes it was hard to believe that I could generally say to someone, "I'm okay". So many times people would only say they were okay because they weren't. It's difficult to know whenever it's true or not. So, to honestly know that you're okay is a bit of a surprise.

"I'm getting there. Am I completely, most definitely, undeniably happy?" I asked, though I wasn't expecting any answer from the man laying beside me. "No, of course not. But I do know that I'm okay." The words fell from my lips, and with every word I felt an odd sensation of relief melting in my chest. It was comforting that I actually believed what I said. And it was okay to be honest. "But I know I'll get there." My voice was still quiet, but there was a newfound kind of confidence in the words I spoke; even if it was subtle. "Soon enough I'll be happier than ever; just you wait." I finished, and I stared out at the darkness with firm, determined eyes. And from beside me, Taehyung had his back facing mine. His face was blank of any excitement, but it wasn't that he wasn't happy for me. In his head, his thoughts rolled on endlessly.

Out of all the busy parts of the man, his mind was the busiest.

Taehyung didn't speak for several moments, and instead allowed his mind to completely grasp the words that had left my mouth. Through everything, Taehyung was with me. To hear that I was okay was surprising to him, too. But I owed it all to him, really. I had to admit that I had no clue where I would be without him. I was forever grateful for Kim Taehyung.

Whenever he spoke, his words totally caught me off guard, and I had to keep myself from turning towards the man or sitting up straight in confusion. "I'm sorry it couldn't be sooner." His voice was quiet, and the words held depth that seemed to mess with my head. "I want to do better for you." He said, and at that point I really did turn my head, and I raised my body after doing so. I sealed my lips together, and my eyebrows narrowed while my eyes strained to sit firm on the man. "Taehyung!" I sighed, and I furrowed my eyebrows. I didn't even bother fighting the frown that pulled down the edges of my lips. "You've done your best. Why don't you recognize that?" The words slipped off my tongue and out of my lips before I could even consider them, and I felt a small sense of guilt at the way it seemed I snapped at him. But from my view, Taehyung seemed to be completely unbothered by the tone of my voice. It didn't seem to even register to him. Though it made me shift slightly in the bed, due to the fact that Taehyung didn't deserve for me to seem so harsh. "I know that sometimes it may feel like even your best isn't enough, but it is. Because I'm okay." My voice was softer this time, and I did my best to comfort the man. I wasn't quite sure what to say, but what I did say was true. Taehyung was more than enough. If it was anyone else, I probably wouldn't be where I was.