FORLORN | JIKOOK

018 ─ dreading

Park Jimin

The whole time that Jungkook had left, I couldn't stop thinking. I genuinely couldn't bring myself to get my mind to stop, no matter how hard I tried. Whenever Jungkook snapped at me about Taehyung, I couldn't help but feel like the absolute biggest idiot in the entire world. I didn't expect that to have such an affect on me, but I guess I really was taken aback by what he had said— and how he said it. I guess I never considered the fact that Taehyung stayed with Jungkook that whole time. After all, they were best friends for years. If Jungkook was experiencing heartbreak, it only made sense that the next closest person to him would take care of him and help him through it. But a lot of what he said surprised me, and a lot of new, shocking things were brought to my attention. He said that Taehyung took care of him so he would be healthy, implying that Jungkook wasn't taking care of himself. It really threw me off to think that, because of me, Jungkook would stop caring about his own health. Along with that, he mentioned that Taehyung gave him a home whenever he didn't have one. Now that really confused me. I couldn't believe he was actually saying that he lost his home or something— I didn't know how to take such a thing in.

But if Taehyung really did give him a home to live in, then wouldn't that have meant that the two boys were living together that whole time? For a year, they lived with each other? That would also explain what he was referring to whenever he mentioned that he gave him a bed to sleep in. It only made sense that Taehyung let Jungkook live in our old apartment with him, giving him my room, right?— It seemed like the only logical explanation— but even that didn't seem very logical!

In all honesty, the thought that that was the situation really made me uncomfortable, and I felt my skin strongly prickling with unease. I strongly wished that that wasn't the case, simply because of the fact that Taehyung, just like Jungkook, was into men. Which was why, whenever Taehyung first brought Jungkook to our apartment, he said that Jungkook had never met a homosexual that he knew about. I knew that Jungkook didn't know, because Taehyung had told me about it before. But the thought that two men who both liked men were living together bothered me. Though it used to be Taehyung and I, we had a brotherly kind of relationship. But I didn't exactly know how to define Taehyung and Jungkook's. None of it made sense. I didn't understand any of it.

As far as I knew, they were just friends.

But finally, on top of each of those things, Jungkook mentioned that Taehyung gave him job opportunities, which confused me, as well. I wasn't sure if that meant that Jungkook lost his job, or if it meant that he needed to have more than one. I couldn't help but wonder if Jungkook still worked at the coffee shop or not. The coffee shop was a special place for the two of us; we did so much there. We had our first kiss there, and we had many important memories there— but with those things in mind, it only made sense that he would leave the coffee shop. But at the same time, it saddened me to think that he wouldn't want to hold onto those memories.

All of that information made my head spin. I desperately wanted to find out, I wanted to understand and to see everything clearly. I wanted answers to all of the questions I had, because it had started to come to my attention that a lot more happened than I was aware of. It was almost like I forgot that we really didn't see each other for a year. But a lot could happen in a year. And for all I knew, way more may have had happened that I still didn't even know about.

While my mind wandered, I began to think of someone else. There was someone that I loved dearly and became extremely close with throughout the time that passed. That person became extremely important to me; probably the most important person to me ever since Jungkook.

I knew that if Jungkook was going to come into my life again, then I would have to make something extremely clear to him before he did. Just like him, a lot had happened in my life, too. And though I felt odd at the thought of showing Jungkook those changes, I knew it had to be done. Even if I didn't necessarily want it to.