FORLORN | JIKOOK

008 ─ laughter

Jeon Jungkook

Eventually, Taehyung and I both managed to fall asleep. The next day we slept in a lot since it was morning by the time we finished our conversation. Though, I did have a hard time actually falling asleep. I couldn't stop thinking. Because Taehyung was right. Because I really didn't ever get Jimin completely out of my mind. Maybe I didn't think of him all day every day, but every time my mind wandered, it seemed to go to him. I wished that it wasn't that way. I wished that I could just know that Jimin had moved on and so had I. I wanted to know that I was free from the past, that everything that happened wasn't a part of me anymore.

Why did Jimin matter to me so much? What about him made him so memorable to me? It was easy to love someone enough to remember them, but to lie down and wish that they were still there repeatedly after so long wasn't something that I was used to. Was it like that with everyone during a breakup? Was I just too attached to him? I really didn't know.

I was wrong to have fallen for Park Jimin.

It ruined me, really. I loved him so much, and I desperately wanted his happiness. And, oh, how he made me so happy. But I should've known that the people that matter most and make you the happiest, can also hurt you the most. Even unintentionally. But I wished that someone would talk more sense into me; Jimin was gone. I always said that, didn't I? So why did I keep wishing and praying that he wasn't? He was gone, he was gone, he was gone, he was gone, he was gone. So why did I keep telling myself that he was still with me? Why did I feel like he never really would disappear? I wasn't sure. I was confused, and lost. I wanted everything to end.

But I wanted him to come back.
But that wouldn't happen, would it?

No, it couldn't— and it wouldn't. because Park Jimin really was gone.

──  •  ──

"Thank you for letting us go out, even though we both didn't sleep the greatest." I smiled cheerfully up at Taehyung, who stood beside me as we walked through the crowded city of Gwangju. Throngs of people surrounded us, due to the activity of the city. Taehyung wanted to make sure that I got a lot of sleep so that we could walk through the city, because if I was tired I wouldn't be up to it. But since we both slept in, I convinced him to let us go. Because I so badly wanted to, and though I didn't get the best sleep, I was refreshed enough to want to go out still. Taehyung and I loved walking around the place, more so me than him, but still. We went into a few restaurants and looked through different clothing stores, which we both really had fun doing. Taehyung enjoyed the clothes more than the walk, but I didn't mind.

But the body heat of people and slow movement due to the amounts of people pushing against us to get somewhere wasn't very enjoyable. It made me feel a bit disappointed, considering I couldn't walk as much, but I still greatly enjoyed it. Though, as time passed, less and less people started moving around, and eventually it wasn't as crowded as it was earlier, and it was then as the day was dying away that we both decided to go to a coffee shop. We had done a few things we wanted to do, but decided to wait to go to a coffee shop until later. It was nice to end the day with a sweet snack and a nice drink.

I stood outside of the coffee shop and my lips were slightly parted as I lifted my head up. Taehyung was inside getting drinks for us, and I took the moment to look at the tall buildings above us. It was difficult to stare at everything whenever we were walking because we had to make sure we stuck together and didn't get lost in the crowd. Along with that, we wanted to be able to actually get somewhere, so we were concentrated on getting through. It didn't make looking around very easy. So I took the moment. My fingertips grazed across a black patterned outside table, and I breathed in heavily while my eyes lingered on the sky that held various shades of oranges and reds. Beautiful colours dashed everywhere on the sky, and the sight of it made a happy feeling swell up in my chest; it felt warm, and I felt almost as if a newfound kind of feeling was engulfing my body. The talk I had with Taehyung the night before most definitely made me feel uneasy, but at the same time, after awhile of thinking of it, it seemed almost as if it made me feel relieved. I closed my eyes, and a smile pulled the edges of my lips at the atmosphere that surrounded me.