FORLORN | JIKOOK

023 ─ invitations

Park Jimin

Jungkook...
Taehyung...

Jungkook and Taehyung?
Taehyung and Jungkook?

Together?

I couldn't help but to think of those two names— of those two people. Together. I couldn't help but wonder why my mind was always set on that specific subject; those men together. I found myself imagining scenarios of them together, and it made my skin prickle with intense unease. I always ended up jolting and shaking my head fiercely, despising the images that sat in my head. I didn't want to think about it.

Whenever I laid in my bed, pressed against the cushions with my hands grasping the blankets around me, I wondered if the two of them were laying together, close together like Jungkook and I used to be. In those moments, I felt my hold tighten on the fabric pressed against my skin, due to the unexpectedly bothersome feelings that swelled through my chest. I couldn't help but to frown. I wondered, on nights that I spent next to Hyeona, if, maybe, just like she nuzzled her head against my chest, maybe Jungkook was doing the same to Taehyung. Or maybe Jungkook was holding Taehyung, just like I held Hyeona.

It was probably foolish to think of. Yet at the same time, it didn't seem foolish at all. I used to be in a relationship with Jungkook, and Taehyung was one of my closest friends at some point.

Isn't it normal to be thinking about it often?

I really wanted to dig deeper. I wanted to understand. I wanted to know what happened whenever I left. Yet that thought had me wondering. Maybe Jungkook wouldn't want to tell me?— Thinking about such thing frightened me. Remembering back to whenever Jungkook was in Hoseok's house, and it was just him and I, he had basically scolded me. He made it extremely clear that I had no business getting involved in something that I wasn't a part of anymore. But didn't I have a good reason this time?

I held my cheek in the palm of my hand, and I pressed my fingertips against my skin softly. My eyes were lowered on my phone; the screen showed various photos in my camera roll from long ago, some of Jungkook and some of Taehyung. Some of which I was in, as well. But most of the pictures were centered towards Jungkook, the man I was once with.

Looking at those past moments made me yearn for them once more. My eyes fluttered closed, and strands of my hair pressed against my skin, tickling me slightly. However, I didn't bother noticing; my attention was wrapped in my thoughts.

I missed whenever everything was better. Better between Jungkook and I, that is.

I missed whenever I had to wake Jungkook up so we wouldn't be late for work, in which I always had to rush to get myself ready, considering the man would whine for my attention in ways that made me want to stay exactly where I was, and to never move away. I missed whenever I would make him coffee to get the reward of a sweet kiss. I missed whenever he would let me wear his clothes, and whenever he wore my baggy clothes, which somehow suited him so well. I loved how my shirts hung on his shoulders, and exposed his sweet honey skin— which gave me outbursts of excitement. I loved his messy hair in the morning, it was so short and cute. I loved wrapping my fingers in the tangled mess of his hair, sometimes using it as an advantage to pull him closer to me. I missed whenever he would groggily mumble my name.

I missed whenever he would hold me tight, almost as if he was afraid to let go.

I missed whenever his protective arms wrapped around me lovingly. His embrace was my safe place. It was the one place I always wanted to go to.