FORLORN | JIKOOK

010 ─ rebuilt

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Park Jimin

"I feel heartbroken." The words escaped my lips after I finished explaining the history between Jungkook and I before I came to Hoseok's house. The man beside me only stared at me with a frown pulling on the edges of his lips and overflowing rays of concern reflecting from his eyes. His facial features were painted with deep sorrow at the things that I had expressed to him, and he sat quietly while he allowed his mind to roam for things to say.

"Well," Hoseok began. "I completely understand why you kept this to yourself." He mumbled, followed by a quiet sigh. He lifted his hand to my shoulder and grasped it comfortingly. His thumb rubbed me softly to soothe the anxious thoughts that were jumping around in my head. "Maybe this guy you mentioned," he started again, "what was his name?" He asked, in which I breathed in slowly. My eyes were solidly focused on my hands that were clasped together to try to contain the overwhelming anger, frustration and pain that I felt. "Jungkook." I whispered the name, and I felt my heart ache at the sound of the name. I loved Jungkook, and hearing the name that I lost made my body scream in frustration. "Yes, Jungkook, thank you." Hoseok continued. "Maybe Jungkook wasn't ready, and though that doesn't give him an excuse to lie to you constantly, you need to understand that he's different than you." Hoseok shook his head slowly, and his eyes searched my expression closely.

"You're never going to find anyone like him." He breathed, and his head lowered slowly to look at me better. "Is he someone you really want to risk losing?" Hoseok whispered, and he blinked his eyes with furrowed eyebrows. I bit down on my bottom lip, and my eyebrows narrowed. I wanted to turn my eyes towards me the older man, but I couldn't find the strength to move. I knew that if I tried, I would just break.

"No, of course not. I don't want to lose Jungkook. I hate the thought of him not being here with me." I rasped, nearly choking on my words at the way my throat clogged up with various different emotions. "I love him more than anything. I'll never love anyone like I love him." I shook my head, and I bit down on my bottom lip to hold back the sadness that tried to make its way to my words. I felt sorrow engulfing me by the moment, and tears began to rush to my eyes, threatening to fall onto my cheeks.

"But I think that he'd be happier without me. He needs to trust me, but he doesn't." I tried to spit the words out, though I felt my voice breaking at the things I spoke. The thought of Jungkook being happier without me hurt more than anything, but his happiness mattered to me. Though I never, ever wanted to lose him. I wished I could be that someone for him. Someone he could trust and love completely. He needed a love that he felt stable in. "If I can't do that for him, then I'm only wasting his time by staying." I breathed out, in which Hoseok parted his lips to try to speak.

By the expression on his face and the emotions that were occupying his eyes, it appeared that he wanted to say something. But instead he breathed in slowly and pulled himself back a little, almost as if he was keeping himself from saying what he wanted to say. "I can't change your mind, Jimin." He sighed, and lowered his eyes in disappointment at the situation. "But you can't be afraid to admit how you feel to yourself. You talk about him needing to be honest, but I feel like you're not being completely honest with yourself." He lifted his eyes. I slowly glanced his way begrudgingly, and a small frown was placed on my lips at the words that he spoke. Hoseok slowly pulled me closer, and engulfed me in a comforting hug. My nose pressed against his shoulder, and I let my eyes fall closed at the warmth that he shared with me. "No matter what happens, I'll be here to support you." He whispered and rubbed my back soothingly in slow, rhythmic patterns.

It took me weeks to admit the thing that had made me appear so distant with Hoseok, and though I wasn't completely pleased with the things he said, I was glad to know that he was here for me. I felt a strange kind of peace at letting out what had happened, and I felt comforted to be able to get closer to Hoseok.

After that, I worked on improving my life. I worked to become emotionally stable once again, and though it took a few months, I found a reason to be happy once again.  The pain was leaving and I was doing better. I wasn't stuck like I was after it all happened, and I was feeling happy.

But who knew that everything could change in just a quick moment?

Because whenever I looked across from me, and stared at a darkened figure late at night, everything in me seemed to freeze. Time seemed like it had completely paused, and all sound seemed to completely break; except for the sound of my heartbeat thrumming repeatedly against my chest like a drum.

Part of me wasn't sure, and I wanted to believe that the memories in my mind worked to make the image up, but yet my eyes undoubtedly knew who that figure was. I recognized the bold shoulders and the way that the man looked whenever his head was lowered and his hair was slowly brushing against his face due to the wind that blew on his skin.

I felt the urge to run in fear of seeing the man again— face-to-face. I didn't want to have to answer to his constant questions, and to look at the hurt look that covered his eyes so strongly that my heart ached in my chest. My mind wandered to before I ran away; whenever he stared at me with heartbroken eyes, and the rays in them were pleading up at me to stop, to wait, and not to leave him. I wanted to quit everything and apologize, but I knew what I was doing was right. It was for the better.

I didn't want to think about what I did to him, because his expression was too miserable for me to think back on it. It pained me to remember.

But part of me felt like I should've known. Because the day before I had been at a coffee shop, standing in line to order drinks whenever I heard a voice that seemed painfully familiar. I instantly tried to turn my head to look around, but since everyone was taller than me, I was unable to see through that many people. I tried to tell myself that it wasn't real, and that I was making it up. But my stomach curled in unease, and I felt my fingers twitch at the feeling that maybe I didn't make it up, because it seemed too real to be fake.

But I ignored it.

That was when I saw a man exit the hallway leading to the bathrooms, and I had to look back at the man to try to see if my eyes were correct or not. I could've sworn that I saw the man that I lived with a year ago. The person I saw looked unbelievably, undeniably convincingly like Kim Taehyung. I blinked my eyes to try to register it right, and I felt my heart jumping with shock. It couldn't be— "it's impossible", I repeated to myself constantly. The whole night my mind kept replaying the moment I saw the man that looked like my old roommate and the sound of the voice.

Throughout the whole day after that I thought of it, and my mind was constantly occupied with what I thought I saw and heard. But I wanted to be wrong. Because I got so far, but I felt like, after just a few moments, I lost it all.

I tried to tell myself that the man across from me wasn't the man I thought it was, but yet the name kept screaming in my head. The name that alarmed me for so long, the name that haunted me, and the name that made me feel happier than any other, was escaping from the back of my mind. It rushed to my head instantly, nonstop, and through my lips it fell.

And once the head lifted up with a clear view of the face, I felt a shift in my chest. Because the shocked eyes that stared up at me, were the exact same ones that stared up at me pleadingly the year before.

And I knew that across from me, stood the man that I couldn't ever stop thinking of.
Across from me, stood the man that I loved so strongly for so long.
Across from me, stood the man that I ran away from long ago.
Across from me, stood Jeon Jungkook.

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a short chapter , my apologies !! but i really hope that u enjoyed it !  and i appreciate the feedback a lot! it means a ton 

ok pls have a fantastic day and week, i hope that ur feeling well n that ur healthy ♡ i love u lots :^)