"I love you, you know,"
In which Jeongguk is sick and Taehyung doesn't know what to do with himself.
** contains subjects that some may be considered sensitive. there are no chapter warnings. **
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Jeongguk POV
After my episode at the fair I spend a couple days in the hospital before finally being released. The first thing I do is go see Tae, because I have so much to tell him.
He meets me at the door to his apartment complex and waves at my mom in the car as she drives off. He lightly smiles at me as he walks toward the stairs.
I stop him. "Can we take the elevator instead?" He doesn't question it and nods as we make our way to his bedroom. I sit on his bed and he follows me after closing the door. We sit for a while, enjoying the silence before it's gone.
"Spill," he says. I sigh, already feeling tears forming.
"I'm dying," I mumble. He opens his mouth to speak but before he can I cut him off. "It spread to my lungs. They said I have three months left."
He grabs my hand, intertwining our fingers. I finally look up at him and he seems more broken than ever before.
"It can't be real. Why? You, of all people. You were supposed to graduate, travel, have a future. Why?" He raises his voice at the end, making me jump.
"Please stop, I can't hear you say all that. I can't let you rely on me when I could be gone tomorrow," I say. Every word is a challenge.
It's silent for a while. "I love you, you know," he mumbles. His hooded eyes look down at me, filled with expression.
"I love you. More than I could ever explain. I've tried to deny it. I've tried to push it aside for so long but I can't keep lying. I love you. I love your laugh, I love the way your eyes light up when you get excited, I love your voice, I love how your hand feels in mine, I love everything about you."
I shake my head. "No, you can't. Stop."
He grips my hand tighter. "I don't want to! God, if I didn't love you do you know how much easier this would be? If I could I'd stop right now but I can't, Jeongguk. I have for years, do you really think I can just stop?"
My mind is moving so fast and I don't know if I can take it. "This is what I was afraid of! It's bad enough I'm dying but for the life I have left I have to live knowing you feel this way. I can't stand knowing that when I'm gone you won't be the same person. I don't want these last three months because the longer I'm around, the more it'll hurt when I leave. I wish I would die already."
"Please don't say that. You can't possibly worry about me," he says, his eyes welling up.
"I can't help it! Everything in my life is crashing down and you have to witness all of it. I don't want to drag everyone in my life down with me," I say, my eyes staring at our hands still locked.
"I'm sorry," is all he says.
"Everyone's sorry, aren't they? For what? Sorry I'm dying?" I reply, and try to pull my hand away.
"Where are you going? Talk to me, baby." he says, still hanging on to my hand. My heart aches at the nickname.
"Please let go. I just want to go home," I cry out. Eventually I slip away.
I walk out his door and rush to the elevator, pressing the button repeatedly as if that will help it come faster. Taehyung walks out the door after me as I step in the elevator.
"Please don't walk away. Please don't let the last time I see you end like this," he says. But it's too late. I'm on my way down.
All I can think about is how he'd never know I love him too. Because that, I know, would hurt him the most.
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AN: tbh just finishing this for myself but it's chill. also angst.
