Maisie's Diary

EIGHTEEN.

06.09.17

23:03

LOW MAINTENANCE FRIENDS (LMF).

I see that phrase thrown around a lot on social media and I guess this is my personal take on it. LMF's are truly some of the special kinds of friends. They are the friends you talk to occasionally, not every day/week etc. But, when you reunite it's like old times again, but oh so much better. The laughter is brighter and the stories are so richer, it makes a minute feel like a lifetime. The experience leaves you feeling high.

God, I do love my low maintenance friends.

07.09.17

13:56

"no." says my mind.

"yes." says my heart.

"i know the reality." says my mind.

"i know the truth." says my heart.

"don't listen to your heart, she doesn't know what she's doing." says my mind.

"don't listen to your mind, she'll make you regret not taking action." says my heart. - the battle of the heart and mind, in which there is no winner.

14:06

Do you ever have that one thing or multiple things you want to say, but don't know how to say it without fucking it up? or not having the courage to say it? not being able to stand up for yourself?

And doesn't it drive you a little bit insane?

This my friends is what called being shy and hating confrontation is like.

I wish, oh boy do I wish, I was one of those lucky individuals that was born with such confidence to be able to truly express my opinions and how I feel. But, I have unfortunately not been blessed with this quality and so I will just be all quiet in my own corner.

23:23 

There's are strange emptiness I feel in my heart. 

I can't quite find the words to describe the feeling, all I know is that it's not great.

23:30

Do you ever have that one person who can make you go from wanting to cry to smiling like an idiot?

I have been blessed to have found that one person almost a year ago.

My best friend.

My soulmate.

Even if I can't find the words to describe my problems, my worries. She'll be there to help me rid of them with her lovingly kind words and her ridiculous photos. She is well and truly the light of my life and I am ever so lucky to have such a loving person in my life.

09.09.17

00:04

"the silence is deafening." - the quiet.

21:39

Sometimes it just gets to me. 

Always at night, always keeping me up, when I need sleep the most. Fuck sake, I have gone and smudged the ink. I've fucked it up as per usual.

This is beside the point, I have a question for you.

Don't you just wish you could escape from it all?

Like just buy a ticket and take any train going anywhere (I would say plane ticket, but I am too poor for that). Just to escape from everyone and everything because you know what, people can be bloody well draining.

PEOPLE.

they are draining. they are energising.

they are selfish. they are selfless.

they are oblivious. they are analytical.

they are sensitive. they are insensitive.

they are kind. they are mean.

they are heartless. they are heartfelt.

they are complex. they are human.

And I am one of them,

that's why I want to escape.

Escape from myself,

to be someone else.

To be free.

10.09.17

13:51

Do you ever notice when things start to change?

It's always the little things that you start to notice first. Mostly, it's the pain of being over-analytical is that you start to notice changes in yourself and in other pretty quickly. And in that moment you have to give a little distance, not for anyone else, but yourself. It's a whole lot easier that way, it's better for the soul.

14:07

"i think in order to be happier, you have to let go. you have to not care so much and acknowledge that you're just as important as everyone else you care so much about. invest time in yourself, even if it means to withdraw from others for a little and those who do care enough will pull you back, and pull you in closer than ever before." - self-care.

19:14

WRITERS.

or anyone within that sort of genre - artists, musicians etc.

I think as a bunch we are soppy lot. We feel a great deal, we are very empathetic to everyone but ourselves. We feel a bit too much and it's all displayed in our work, never physically. That's one thing that is hardest for us because we feel oh so much. 

But, when we are physically expressive, in our words and in our actions. It is rare, like a diamond. We don't do this often, no because if we did we would break and that's the beautifully painful thing about being able to feel so much. It's destructive, but I would take it over not feeling at all because without it I wouldn't be writing for you right now.

Note

This part, I don't quite know how I feel about it. It seems a little bit all over the place, but it's what my mind has come up with and here it is for you. Now, the song to go with this chapter is Sad Girl by Lana Del Rey, it's one of her songs that I have only just recently discovered, so I'm going to share it with you.

Saff xx