He's My Cousin!

[Ch.40] Suicide Mish

[Ch.40] Suicide Mish

// Ayanna's Point of View

 

"Good morning, Princess." For a moment, I was just staring at him, afraid that if I'd blink my eyes, he'd be gone. Napangiti na lang ako. This guy, he proved to me how much love I could give, how much pain I could endure.

He leaned down to kiss my forehead. Napahigpit ako nang yakap sa unan ko. I sensed his moist, soft lips touch the upper portion of my brow. It really felt surreal—to have him right back at my side.

Akala ko nanaginip lang ako. I thought that his figure appearing right in front of me was just a result of my longing for him—too much longing for him. Nang marealize kong siya talaga ang nasa harap ko... Daig ko pa ata ang nanalo sa lotto. He’s my favorite vice. I know it’s bad; I know it might destruct my own self, yet I’d insanely plunge myself into it—into this forbidden thing.

Napa-upo ako bigla mula sa pagkakahiga ko. My arms clung on his nape as I embraced him tightly.

"I miss you, Paopao… I miss you," I told him. Ni wala akong pakialam kung kagigising ko lang at kung may muta ako o gulo-gulo 'yung buhok ko. Basta ang alam ko lang, masaya ako kasi nandidito siya. Kasama ko siya.

"I missed you damn so much, too, Aya," he whispered on my left ear. I even felt his warm breath as he said those words. Para tuloy akong nakiliti. I hugged him tightly one more second and let go of him.

"You don't have classes today?" I asked him.

It has been more than a month since Paolo moved out. It has also been more than a month when I promised him I'd try to live my life the way I should. Noong una, sobrang hirap talaga. Lagi na lang akong linga nang linga sa school, hinahanap siya. Kinalaunan, nasanay na rin ako. We do talk once in a while, pero hindi na tulad nang dati. Gayon pa man, it didn't make me love him any less.

He will still be the guy I will always love, the guy I'd always choose. Minsan nga naiisip ko: oo, it was my heart who chose him among all the billions of people around the globe for me to love pero if I were given a chance to choose for myself, I would have chosen for him still. Kahit mahirap, kahit kumplikado, siya pa rin. Oo, another exemplary guy could made me happy... but it will always be Paolo who could give me that one kind of happiness that might have last for a few moments but will stay in my heart for a life time.

"I do," he said, giving me a faint smile. "Pero mamaya pa," dugtong niya. "Kumusta?" medyo alangan niyang tanong sa akin.

"Better," maikli kong sagot. "Ikaw?" balik kong tanong sa kaniya. I cupped his cheek at hinimas ang parteng iyon gamit ang hinlalaki ko. I just want to feel the moment until it lasts. For the next days, I know I'd have to fight this battle alone once again. Kumukuha lang ako ng lakas.

"I'm good," sabi niya. He was staring right into my eyes. Nakakatunaw. Nakakapaso.

"Pao, nagising na ba si Aya?" rinig naming sigaw ni mama. Mula sa hagdan, probably.

"Opo, Tita!" sagot naman ni Paolo.