He's My Cousin!

[Ch.52] Backfire

[Ch.52] Backfire

// Ayanna's Point of View

"You okay?" tanong sa akin ni Paolo. Siya ang kasama ko ngayon dahil research break para sa isa sa mga subjects ko. Si Ian, Pat at Jiro ay may mga klase sa ganitong oras. Si Ella ay tambay sa org nila... but I didn't bother calling her.

It has been a week since our supposed Saturday bond, but she's still giving me a cold shoulder. Hindi niya ako masyadong pinapansin, kung sasagutin naman niya ako ay ang cold niya. I don't really get her. Sabi niya ay iintindihin niya ako, pero hindi naman iyon ang ginagawa niya. She's shutting me out. Feeling ko ay galit siya sa akin dahil hindi ako nag-initiate na puntahan si Liz no'ng sinabi niyang may emergency. I just couldn't meet up with Liz yet. I'm not ready. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang gagawin ko o sasabihin sa kaniya.

Tumingin ako kay Paolo at tumango. "May iniisip lang ako."

Inun-wrap niya iyong sandwich at inabot sa akin 'yun kasama ang tissue. "At ano namang iniisip mo?" He raised his eyebrows.

"Si Ella kasi." I sighed. Hindi ko kasi ito masabi kina Jiro dahil ayaw ko namang magkaroon na naman ng tensiyon sa aming lima. Ayoko ring madamay pa sila sa kung ano ang namamagitan sa amin ni Ella. For the past days, I was just acting normal, just so they wouldn't notice,even if Ella's silence was secretly killing me.

"That's just a misunderstanding, Princess. You better talk to her about it," sabi niya sa akin nang ikwento ko ang nangyari sa kaniya. He was smiling at me. Kumunot ang noo ko. "Mas okay kung alam niya ang rason mo."

"Why are you smiling?" nalilito kong tanong sa kaniya. It wasn't an encouraging smile, that's why; it was as though he was happy. "Masaya kang nag-aaway kami?" Nalaglag ang panga ko.

"No. No." Winasiwas niya ang kamay sa ere upang itanggi ito. Natatawa niya akong tinignan. "I'm just happy... happy that you're opening up to me. Years ago... it was always like you're holding back."

Matipid akong ngumiti sa kaniya. "It's because we're cousins, Paolo. Cousins are family. That's why I should be open to you." At kasabay no'n ay ang pagpawi ng ngiti sa mga labi niya. I don't want him to think that we're still possible. Gusto kong maging malinaw sa kaniya na naririto ako bilang pinsan niya. Na hindi na maaring maibalik 'yong kung anong mayro'n kami noon. Maybe what I was doing wasn't helping him at all. Maybe my desire to be civil with him, despite the fact that I didn't want us to get back together, was all just an excuse to be with him. Maybe this time it's I who's doing the pushing and pulling. Hindi ko alam... but I like to believe my lies. I want to convince myself I am on the right path. Even if I end up hurting Paolo.

"Gagawin ko lahat, bumalik ka lang sa akin," he said seriously. Kumabog ang dibdib ko. "I held back two years ago, but not anymore, Aya. I'm not going anywhere without you, without getting you back." Bakas ang desperasiyon sa mukha niya at wala akong nagawa kung hindi ang umiwas ng tingin. I couldn't take seeing him like that.

"Tanda mo pa ba no'ng nagbakasyon ako sa Vigan?" bigla niyang tanong sa akin. Napaisip ako bigla. He went to Vigan a couple of times during his stay in our home. "Pagbalik ko na lang no'n ay kayo na ni Ian. That's the first time you've hurt me so bad. Ang sakit no'n para sa akin kahit alam kong mali 'yung nararamdaman ko para sa'yo... It was painful. Pero iyon ang akala ko. Wala pala sa kalingkingan ng sakit na kaya mong ibigay sa akin 'yung sakit na naramdaman ko no'ng oras na iyon."